He Said/She Said: Getting Back Into the Dating Scene After a Breakup
So as you know (if you’ve read my past few columns) I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago. And by breakup I don’t mean the whole, back-and-forth linger type-of-thing. I mean, cold turkey, cut him out! A friend recommended I take the “30-Day Challenge,” where you don’t see, speak or creep (shocking, I know) on the kid AT ALL for 30 days. I accepted the challenge and am pleased to say that after 30 days I feel like a new person. I feel more myself than ever in the past year, bettered by the failed relationship and am genuinely happy again. So please, I’ll be accepting virtual high-fives for completing that one!
The point is, a breakup is hard for both parties involved no matter the circumstances. And though I had my low moments, I still wanted to jump right back into the dating scene. Why? Because I’m young and there are hot guys everywhere at my university! Because I like to meet new people! Because not all guys are going to hurt me and I’m ready to meet someone worthwhile. And finally, because sometimes a drunken make-out is simply the best way to get over that douchebag! (Even if just for the three minutes while Weezy plays in the background).
So take it from a girl living through the dating scene after a breakup. It hasn’t been that long, but I’ve definitely learned some valid things. Even if you’re not fresh from a breakup, these tips can still help you out, too!
1. Shots and Ke$ha: Let’s be real here, after you have to tell someone you once loved goodbye, sometimes you just need a damn drink. Or two…or seven. No shame with this one! Alcohol sure does boost your self-esteem and when you throw in some crappy Ke$ha jams and a few friends on a dark dance floor, the night is all yours. So how will this help with your dating dilemma? Yeah, it’s probably not the best way to score a top-notch guy, but a good grind and sloppy make-out sesh never hurt anyone, right? Think of it this way; you’re just having some fun before the real guy comes along. And who wants to be at a coffee shop at 1 a.m. on a Saturday night waiting for that tall, handsome guy holding the latest Chuck Palahniuk novel to walk in, anyway? I know I’d rather be drunk and doing the stanky leg, that’s for sure!
2. Use your connections: Once you’ve gotten your “three-for-three” weekend out of the way (that means going out Thursday, Friday and Saturday night in the same weekend), it’s time to actually meet a decent guy. The easiest way is to ask the people around you! My friends and family know my character best and wouldn’t set me up with an asshole, so they’re the first people I turn to when wanting to get back into the dating scene. Two of the guys I’ve been seeing since the breakup were both introduced to me by friends and family, and both are pretty amazing so far!
3. Be bold: Ladies, it’s 2011, not the 1950s. It’s now socially acceptable to ask a guy to coffee or even a study sesh if you’re not ready to totally put yourself out there. If he says no or that he’s busy and doesn’t make further plans, let it go! In my past experiences, if you show you’re interested and he doesn’t respond immediately how you’d hoped, give him some time and he’ll come around. However, being bold doesn’t mean being a stage-17 clinger. Refrain from asking him out multiple times even if you really like the guy. If he wants to see you, he will.
4. Don’t settle: I know we’ve heard this our whole lives, but there’s something about when your mom sits you down and tells you, “Secret Girl, don’t settle, you’re better than that,” and suddenly it just clicks. I’ve already learned that if I start dating one guy and no other prospects are on the horizon, I’d rather not waste my time on an idiot just to say I’m dating someone.
Case in point: One of the guys I recently stopped seeing came over and watched a movie at my apartment. I have a charcoal sketch of a naked woman hanging on a wall in my room, and when the guy walked in he said, “BOOOOOOOOBS!” Um, yeah, get out. No seriously, get out right now. It’s called art, not giant tits plastered all over my wall.
- Look for douchelord tendencies: If I were to meet the “me” from a year ago, I’d shake her and say, “Run the other direction!” But had I not dated the kid, I wouldn’t be able to spot asshole tendencies from a mile away, as I can today. No really, it’s a talent. Here are some d-bag-isms learned from past relationships, club-hopping and other’s experiences.
- His friends are assholes (it’s a dead giveaway, friends say a lot about a person).
- He lives off of his parents and flaunts their money as if it’s his own hard earned cash.
- He cusses too much and wants to talk about vaginas at dinner. (Over a mediocre dinner– Me: “So how was your day, babe?” Dumbass: “What do you think lesbians do to each other during sex?”) WTF.
- He’s wearing a pastel polo…collar popped.
- He knows every word to that Apple Bottom Jeans song.
- He’s wearing thick-stitched True Religion denim.
- He wants to buy you a drink but won’t let you come to the bar with him (*cough* Rufilin *cough*).
- He makes you feel bad about yourself. (Get out quick!)
The bottom line? Be confident in who you are, know what you want and go for something if it comes your way! What do you have to lose? Your dignity, pride? Eh, maybe. But hey, there’s plenty more guys out there! And who knows, true love might be just around the corner if you’re open to it.
Curious to see how our resident He Said gets over a break up? Wait, do I even want to know?? Brace yourself and click through to COEDMagazine to…uh…enlighten yourself.