My Online Dating Horror Story

November 12, 2011 2:00 pm     Posted in Reality, Relationships  Khalea - Howard University g+ page


By Khalea

At the ripe-old age of 20, I can honestly and truthfully and shamefully say that I have never had a boyfriend. I’ve never had a successful crush, either. So as a last resort, I decided to bite the bullet and make an online dating profile.

According to most of my peers and my girls, online dating should be reserved for the women who are on their last legs in terms of their love life. Since mine is non-existent, I dared to be different and logged onto a lesser-known website a friend recommended.

After swagging out my profile with a great “About Me” bio and a few pictures, I waited for my Mr. Right to send me a message. After a few days and a few emails from some creeps, a normal guy finally contacted me!

Brian (which is a totally fake name) rated me four out of five stars, which was a pretty big deal for me. I wasn’t really attracted to him physically, but I still decided to message him. It was a dating site and I wanted to get my feet wet. After a few brief messages, he gave me his phone number and invited me to text him. When I did, our conversation was as brief as our messages on the website. “Why am I wasting my time?” I thought to myself. I deleted his number promptly and pushed the disaster out of my mind. I was shocked when he called me the week after that.

Surprisingly, the dialogue flowed freely for almost an hour. He made me laugh and he was so interesting. How could someone who created an iPhone app not be? I was pleased when he asked me to meet up with him. After a few crossed wires, we finally agreed to meet for dessert. Except we didn’t agree on anything. He told me that he had some free time and asked me to meet him at Georgetown, his side of D.C. WTF? I was already pissed at the fact that he was taking charge (and not putting my schedule or preferences into consideration!), but since it was my first date, I didn’t do much objecting.

I gave my friends my mom’s number in case some stuff went down. Better safe than sorry. I took the 30-minute bus ride to his side of town, listening to Beyoncé on the way to calm my nerves. I ended up being four minutes late. I went upstairs to our designated meeting spot to find him missing. Once again, WTF?! Where was this guy? After a text message and a 10-minute wait, I decided to go home. I was NOT about to be the girl who got stood up by her online kinda-crush. As soon as I pulled out my Smartrip card, he texted me saying he was almost there. “Maybe that was a sign from the online universe,” I thought. I went back to the bookstore and waited some more.

He looked just like his picture—there were no surprises there. We stood at the same height. I didn’t see a revolting reaction to my appearance on his face – physically at least. We walked and talked, did the whole get-to-know-you bit. The date had the common awkward fare that I had heard about and watched on “Sex and the City” all of the time – the awkward silences, the fake laughs and the offhand jokes.

The night ended with a long walk along the watetrfront. I didn’t kiss him or hold his hand like he wanted me too, but I thought that I had played my part flawlessly! I was flirty without being to0 suggestive. I told him about myself without revealing too much. I thought that a second date was guaranteed…until he never called or texted me again.

I was really hurt at first…”how could I screw up online dating too?” I thought. I actually still don’t understand what happened and it’s been about a month. But like Loise from the “Sex and the City” movie (the first one, naturally), I’m not going to give up on love. The internet – and the real world – has plenty of men out there. There has to be one for me…I hope.

16 Comments on "My Online Dating Horror Story"

  1. Alyssa says:
    Sat, 12th Nov 20112:08 pm 

    Ugh! What a jerk! Listen, dating on-line is a tricky, tricky thing. And this guy was already throwing hints of being a big fat ZERO. Don't give up on it. I have numerous friends who met flunky after flunky on-line, but found a great match after sticking to it and are in long term relationships. I can almost guarentee this guy was looking for a hook up and since you didn't put out, he wasn't interested. You're being smart and cautious and if he couldn't respect that, then good riddance.

  2. princessmahina says:
    Sat, 12th Nov 20112:21 pm 

    Seriously, this guy sounds like a jerk! If he can't appreciate a good thing when he finds it(and he sounds like he couldn't), then I think you can do better anyway. Better luck next time:)
    http://textbooksandtofu.blogspot.com/

  3. Iris Chamberlain says:
    Sat, 12th Nov 20114:01 pm 

    Sounds like he was putting up some red flags right from the start. If he's what, twenty, twenty-five minutes late to a first date, and he doesn't even bother to give a heads up until the fifteen minutes mark, I think that's a pretty strong indicator of what his priorities aren't.

    A common trap women tend to fall into (myself included) is wanting to be the one being pursued and doing the rejecting. When a man isn't interested, we can end up taking that really personally, even though we weren't interested either! It becomes a matter of pride, especially if we were kind of toying with the idea of maybe being interested later. It sounds like this might be kind of what happened here, so let me just tell you: you deserve to have an awesome first date! He should be on time! You should hit it off! Awkward pauses and fake laughter should naturally be at a minimum. In short, there should be chemistry, and I think you'll know it when you feel it. He didn't call you back, and that stings, but at least you're not obligated to laugh at his lame jokes again. Chalk this date up to a practice run, and don't let 'wanting to be in a relationship' get in the way of finding the right one!

    Good luck!

  4. Ashley says:
    Sat, 12th Nov 20117:56 pm 

    Love this article (and all of the SATC references;)–can totally relate!

  5. domiziano galia says:
    Sun, 13th Nov 20111:27 pm 

    "I was already pissed at the fact that he was taking charge". See? That's all the problem. A (sane) man needs to take charge and a (sane) woman is pleased to let him. But you were pissed instead. And all your post pours pretentiousness. So he's not a "jerk" as these typical silly girls (princessofwhat?) point out. He just sought through you.

  6. Maura - Rider University says:
    Sun, 13th Nov 20117:23 pm 

    Uhhh little chauvinist much? She meant that she was unhappy he didn't consider her location, schedule, or preference when picking out the date. Don't you think it's only fair to choose something convienant for both people? A sane man needs to consider his partners needs, and a sane woman should do the same. Not be the idealistic 50's housewife and just nod and smile to everything her husband says.

    Also, if he got to pick the place on his side of town, he has no excuse for being late and making the girl wait. Thats ridiculously rude.

    The 'princessofwhat' comment was in poor taste, I don't think a girl thinks herself a princess simply because she believes she deserves respect and something good for herself.

  7. sam says:
    Sun, 13th Nov 20119:44 pm 

    How is this a horror story? I thought he was going to try to murder you.

  8. Jasper says:
    Mon, 14th Nov 20113:11 am 

    Yea… you dated a boy, not a man. There's your answer.

  9. Lauren says:
    Mon, 14th Nov 20115:01 am 

    I hate online dating.. I feel like you can make small talk with anybody over brief messages online so they maybe nice or whatever and then u meet and it's just blah… but when you meet someone in person even for the first time you can tell if there's a nature chemistry there and if you really find them attractive because of course online pictures can be misleading… I would put more effort in trying to meet people in real vs in front of a screen

  10. ThirtyGirl says:
    Mon, 14th Nov 20113:38 pm 

    Oh man, I can totally relate. But you can't get discouraged after one! Online dating is set up to go on a bunch to see who you best mesh with. Otherwise, I'd have thrown in the towel after the bad date I went on with the guy from the eHarmony commercial. Yeah, the actual guy… http://www.mythirtysense.com/2011/10/13/you-smell…

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