All The News You Missed While Your Family Was Driving You Crazy

By Candy

• Someone had sex with Piers Morgan. 9 months ago…judging by the fact he has a baby now.

•  A LOT of college freshmen dumped their high school sweethearts. #notshocking

• According to the Huffington Post, J.Lo celebrated Thanksgiving with Casper…Smart, Casper Smart. I know I wished it was the ghost too.

• Michael Lohan went to the hospital. Our prayers are with the doctors and anyone else who’s holiday was ruined by Michael Lohan.

• Wal-Mart shoppers rioted over a $2 waffle maker. Reporters are ecstatic over the news. I mean, they knew there would be stampedes, but nothing quite this exciting!

• The new Twilight movie is causing seizures. It’s also causing grown women to act like horny prepubescent girls. But no one is reporting that news today.

• Kirsten Dunst went make-up free at the airport. How very brave of her!!!

• There was some kind of balloon parade in NYC yesterday. I think it might have been a one-time thing. So you should look at photos now, because this parade might not happen ever again.

•Lady Gaga says she posed nude. We say that’s her most boring outfit yet!

• The crazy “inject-anything-into-my-butt-to-make-it-bigger” story keeps getting more ridiculous.

• A deleted scene from Harry Potter was released. Harry4eva!

• Aziz Ansari wants you to spit. It’s for a good cause, so just watch the video. For realsies.