By Jessica Zaleski

You guys. Last week, I watched the weirdest movie I’ve ever seen. I knew when I saw huge boobs within the first few minutes of the movie that I was in for a bumpy ride. Hollywood Sex Wars is about a few guys who are sick of sleeping with “busted” women (which from what I gathered meant real looking women). The guys meet a guy named Johnny Eyelash (I know, but he gets his own semen spit on him later in the movie), who teaches them how to get girls. However (TWIST!) the women are smart and just use men for money.

This movie is not an Oscar-winner (It probably isn’t even a Razzie-winner). In one scene, a girl comes back to one of the guy’s apartments and is going to leave before they have sex (teasing guys is a part of their woman plan). The guy asks her to stay and just sit on the couch so he can “beat off” to her. Then he comes on her back (and you see the fluid in its white, chunky glory). She gets mad and leaves.

The girls in the movie have a good “relationship” with a plastic surgeon, so he gives them free boob jobs. I don’t want to spoil it for all of you who are going to Redbox it right now, but you see a botched boob job during the movie and IT’S GROSS. You seen a ton of boobs in the movie, but no penis (making me think this is more of a guy movie than a girl movie).

Now the movie DOES have a plot and a kind of interesting twist involving Johnny Eyelash (Mario Diaz) and Big Wendy (Jenae Altschwager) and Little Wendy (Eli Jane), the girls who created the “TOB” club for women who are gorgeous and use guys for money. I won’t spoil that plot line either.

Basically, I don’t think this is a good movie. But if you’re looking for something to watch on a night in which you’re getting REALLY wasted with your friends, this is it. You’ll laugh a lot and even get to see some big, fake boobs.