Dude’s List: 11 Things Men Should NEVER Say To A Woman

There are things you shouldn’t say and then there are things you just DON’T, F*CKING, SAY! Men have learned the hard way when they put their foot in their mouths and their heads up their asses — and sometimes both at the same time (it might be listed as a special skill). Some guys just don’t get it, though. They just keep digging. See, we say one thing wrong then we try to cover and say something right, which ends up being something worse. We aren’t all conscious of our misogyny. We aren’t all aware when we let out that inner pig. Here are 11 things that no man should ever say to a woman, in hopes that it may save one young man from a moment he’ll wish for a giant shark to leap out of the wall and gobble him up.

How painful was that? A pinprick or an impaling? Guys screw up. Guys lose track of their filter. They step in it. Big time. At least occasionally. Show this list to your man and school him. It’s certainly designed to help, not hinder.  Did I miss anything? What are some of the worst things a guy’s ever said and things that he should never say? Fire away in the comments section below!

These lips are sealed,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]



    1. Maura - Rider University says:

      These are all very true. I never mention when I'm on my period because then my guy attributes EVERYTHING to that. "You're just in bad mood because of your period" "No wonder you've been cranky lately, it all makes sense now!"
      No, asshole, I'm cranky because you never call and got me a lame birthday present.

      1. The Dude says:

        What was the present?

      2. Maura - Rider University says:

        A $25 giftcard to a crappy department like store that he was only at because he went to apply for a job there. So it was a last minute gift too! I'm not super materialistic or anything, but it just told me that he put zero thought into it and only got it because it was convienant. Glad he didn't run into Mcdonalds to apply for a job, or that's what I would've gotten for my birthday!

      3. DatingAgain1 says:

        Please permit me to correct your original comment:
        "I never mention when I'm on my period because then my EX attributed…."

        Seriously, you deserve better!

        He's not just putting zero thought into your gift, he's putting zero thought into you. Even if he is cash-strapped (given that he's applying for a job)? There are plenty of ways he could have spoiled and pampered you just by putting in time and effort – no cash required!

        Imho, he's stealing from the 'potential girlfriend pool'. He doesn't deserve a girlfriend until he learns to show respect and consideration for his partner.

    2. […] • 11 things guys should never say to women. (College Candy) […]

    3. Katie Garrity - North Central College says:

      These are all 100% true. When I am arguing with my guy and he asks me if it's "that time of the month", I get a lit perturbed (to put it nicely)…sometimes guys just don't know when to shut up, but thank you for attempting to help them out!

      1. The Dude says:

        I can only make the attempt. Have you had your guy read this yet?

    4. Krista says:

      I agree with all of these except #9. In a relationship, all involved should be very communicative about their sexual preferences. That helps everybody stay happy and not bitter. Yes, be gentle when giving constructive criticism, but definitely be open about what you do and don't like.

      1. The Dude says:

        Preaching to the choir. IMO don't use that phrasing.

    5. Sam says:

      I appreciate your Doctor Who reference!

    6. […] • 11 things guys should never say to women. (College Candy) […]

    7. ThatOneCollegeGuy says:

      Lets see here…
      1) Uh If my girlfriend is doing something and she "misses a spot" i should be able to tell her about it. And expect that she does the same for me. But Kitchen jokes and comments ARE played out.

      2) When a guy says " You wouldnt understand" Sometimes he's being a dick. Sometimes though, its because you wouldn't understand. Just like men don't always (rarely that is) understand women, women sometimes just can't understand men. But usually its because he's a dick.

      3) Ok. C*nt is a terrible word.

      4) Ok. Wide/big/gargantuan are struck from all conversation. But if you ask if those jeans make you but look big expect an honest answer.

      5) Eh, If you're wrong I'll let you know. I won't be so rude as to just tell you you are wrong like that though. Usually.

      6) People still say this? And are being serious?

      7) There's lack of tact, and then there's shooting yourself in the balls. This is the latter.

      8) Ok deal. But then you don;t get to use it either. If you're being a cranky… woman, we get to just call you out on it.

      9) Terrible head is about as soul crushingly disappointing as finding out the adorable cat you wanted to adopt was taken right before you got there. If we're giving it well we deserve to get it well. If we aren't giving it well, tell us our carpet munching could use work. No really. Let us know.

      10) The guys who say this could probably just walk up stairs to have their mother cook for them when ever they want. Get it? Cause he's living in his mom's basement? Eh you wouldn't understand.

      11) F*ck yeah, Kittens.


      1. The Dude says:

        Thanks for the thoroughness. I gotta agree with a lot of what of your commentary touches on and that it's not just about what's said but HOW it's said that makes these no-no's on the list. For example, be a little careful if you confront a girl about her blowjob skills using the term "carpet munching". Awareness, it's all awareness.

    8. Matthew says:

      Lists like this make me glad I married a woman a sense of humor. A little misogyny goes a long way.

    9. John Doe says:

      That article has beta male written all over it. Man up, do whatever the hell you want, and she better damn well like it.

      1. Mouse says:

        Have fun getting a girlfriend then. I think the reverse could be done – she does whatever the hell she wants, and you had better damn like it. I doubt you'd appreciate that much now, would you.

      2. Jess says:

        Totally *pwned that guy Mouse LOL. I would be scraping him off the bottom of my high heel if he said something like that to my face. I may be considered of the "weaker sex" to some, but I pack one hell of a punch.

    10. Manny says:

      What a bunch of nonsense. Men are already being told what to do and how to do it. Now, it's forbidden to be directly honest with a woman?? We're also supposed to be afraid of getting our nuts kicked in if we say the wrong thing? Just reverse this stuff and make up a list for women and threaten to kick them in between the legs and you'll have an uproar of anti-male name-calling.

      Our society has gone too far in one direction in appeasing women. Evidently, they really can't "take it like a man".

      1. The Dude says:

        The vice versa list is not too far off, like you said, we want to keep it fair. I get your frustration, but the bottom line is there's got to be more awareness on both sides, and hopefully that kind of awareness will breed more trust and more trust means you actually need to be LESS worried that "saying the wrong thing" will get you kicked in the nuts. But finding the middleground is a constant search, because it's constantly moving. And that's always the first step.

      2. Jess says:

        Wow, that was hands down a counter productive statement if I've ever heard one. Yes, lets undermine women's rights because they make men a little bit uncomfortable! *GIANT EYEROLL* And you wonder why women aren't taking a liking to you and you're afraid they will kick you in the nuts? Probably bc you have that kind of attitude towards them for starters.

    11. lexi says:

      This fucking article is more misogynistic than any of the supposed faux pas listed, because it suggests that a woman is some kind of delicate flower who's too stupid, sensitive and unreasonable to be treated honestly and with the same frank respect a man would give another man.

    12. Beth says:

      Love the Doctor Who references. As always. Dude, marry me?

      1. The Dude says:

        Conflict of interest, Beth. Sorry! But hope the Xmas special is good this year. Gonna be tough to top last year's Michal Gambon magnificence.

    13. Steve Wood says:

      Some of these are just common sense. Some are about being a honest adult. Grow a pair dude.

      1. The Dude says:

        Wait, are you referring to me growing a pair or a general archetype "dude" to grow a pair?

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    15. Joe Schmoe says:

      In reference to "missed a spot" here is what I don't understand. Men are, as always have been, expected to be mechanics, carpenters, body guards and landscapers at home but ask a woman to do a little cooking or cleaning and -Gasp- what a chauvinist pig. Tell you what you go change the spark plugs in the car, mow the lawn and replace the entryway door and I'll cook dinner. Oh wait I do all of that anyway. Wonder why I'm still single?

      1. Jess says:

        LOL Ok, totally a chick and I can do all of those things by myself. Also pay all my bills on my own and dont have a dime of debt (don't even own a credit card) and I do all of this because I work hard at two jobs (which I love both of them fortunately). Who's supposed to be in charge again? Oh yeah, me, because its MY life and I won't let some guy absorb me into his life as a dependent, destroying my self identity and independence all the while putting me on a massive guilt trip. PS- YES, I am in a long term relationship.

      2. SupahK says:

        you go girl!!! show 'em how it's done!

    16. guest says:

      Also, never tell your girl her p***y doesn't feel as tight as it used to.

    17. Sex Bullshit says:

      You can say anything to her, if she isn't doing one thing. Just see for yourself.

    18. Man says:

      With some work you could rewrite this article as "x amount of signs you should find a new girlfriend".

      Doesn't have humor? Check
      Complete lack of introspection? Check
      Can't take criticism? Check
      Stubborn? Check
      Anger issues? Check

      Nothing to do here meme

    19. […] Dude’s List: 11 Things Men Should NEVER Say To A Woman […]

    20. David says:

      If you buy into the bs of women can do whatever they want and men should meekly accept it. Don't like what I said ? Tough crap…..

    21. Real Man says:

      The author needs to get back in the kitchen… my girlfriend is cooking breakfast for me right now! Why? Because she likes a real man.

    22. Meg says:

      Excuse me john doe but it really wouldn't surprise me if you're still single with that attitude! You can do whatever the hell you want and she better damn well like it? Can you say "Single For Eternity?" How about disrespectful?

    23. Tarzan says:

      Most of these are bullshit. Written by either a women or a man with no confidence. I'd rather make love to my palm for life than ever have to be around another hairy puss. That shit is gross. Be a gentleman, and be respectful guys…but ladies, clean yourselves up and don't act like men are privileged to be on the same planet as you.

    24. BRay says:

      Yeah, agreed….there's never an excuse for an overgrown bush.

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    26. Jen says:

      I've been told all of those.

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