Sexy Time: My Wishlist

‘Tis the season to be jolly, to count thy blessings, and to make itemized lists of all the things you want. I used to wish for an easy bake oven, then Justin Timberlake’s hand in marriage, then an unlimited supply of Louboutins…oh, wait, I could still definitely go for that. In addition to a shoe closet to rival Mariah Carey’s (and world peace), I also wish for a shift in our collective sexual culture. We have all the potential to be sexually liberated, but we just won’t let ourselves — as a society — be that great. My ultimate five wishes are:

1. There would be free forms of birth control.

Unplanned pregnancy is awful. Abortion is not ideal. Luckily, there is this wonderful invention called contraception that would greatly decrease the occurrence of both. The reality of the situation is that people are going to have sex because it feels amazing, not always because they want to pop out babies, and our society needs to adjust to this and make contraception as accessible as possible. The risks of unprotected sex are far too great.

2.  Rape would never happen.

Without a doubt, rape and sexual assault are some of the most traumatizing experiences a person could ever endure, and it breaks my heart that 1 in 4 women will experience one or the other during her time in college. We live in a rape culture, where women are expected to always be available for sexual consumption and our language has stripped “rape” of its meaning (you did not rape your psychology final, okay?). In lieu of rape never happening, I would be over the moon if we could stop automatically jumping to the conclusion that all women who report rape are lying, conniving bitches who were totally asking for it because our skirts were short.

3. We could all be sluts, or prudes, and it wouldn’t be up for judgment. 

I don’t care if you’re saving yourself for marriage or for the next guy who buys you a shot, and no one else should either. As long as you’re being responsible, it’s all fair game.

4. Everyone who is sexually active would get tested regularly. 

Most STDs are not a big deal. They can be cleared up with antibiotics and are not any more disgusting than a cold or flu. If we could treat our sexual health like our dental or overall physical health, there would probably a lot less disease transmission, since people would be open about their status. Gonorrhea would be the new strep throat.

5. Everyone would have sex because they want to. 

There would be no having of sex because you feel peer pressure, or you desperately need validation, or because you were really, really, really wasted and you didn’t even know what you were doing for real. Sex should be fun. If it’s not, take a step back and re-evaluate. There’s nothing wrong with abstinence or celibacy.

Basically, I just want everyone to be sex-positive. What’s on your personal sexy wishlish? More orgasms? More kink? Less bad cunnilingus? I want to know!



  1. Rosie says:

    Best CollegeCandy post in a while. Kudos for posting a grown up list and not a slideshow of crazy sex toys or positions that all men SHOULD perform on command but for some reason don't want to (inverted wheelbarrow? ouch!)

  2. Maura - Rider University says:

    Good list, sometimes the consequences of sex are so harsh that it makes sex not worth having.

  3. Kylie - Vermont says:

    I definitely agree with contraceptives.. but at the same time, I wish all women had the opportunity to be correctly informed about these different types of prevention, as well as STDs, options and even adoption. I feel like it's swept under the rug all too often. You're right, let's seriously start talking about sex!

  4. Ailsa says:

    One thing I really appreciate now in my country (UK) as a college-aged girl, is that we can get free contraception. I have the implant in my arm, because it was the one that most suited me, and it was totally free – I think elsewhere it can be well over £100, and if that had been the case, I would have just stuck with only using condoms, and wouldn't have been as happy.
    I totally agree about the sluts/prudes & no judgement point – it's so frustrating the way men are judged differently with the number/frequency of people they sleep with.

  5. Kenzie says:

    The good news is, if you have insurance, your birth control will most likely be completely paid for starting next year. This is a big step in the right direction. =)

  6. Abortions says:

    Contraceptives make sense but it wont make a difference if people do not know about them and the problem is that most people choose not to you any thing and just hope everything turns out ok. People need to stop being careless.

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