The Worst Sex Advice, Courtesy of My Friends

When I was in elementary school, my best friend told me that sex was “when a man puts his thing in a girl’s vagina.” That was the truest information about sex I’ve ever gotten from a friend. As I grew older, my friends started to tell me more and more things about sex, most of which were total lies.

It took forever for me to realize that my friends were clueless, and I bet most of yours are too. This is some of the absolute worst sex advice my friends have ever given me.

1. “If a guy goes down on you or fingers you, you HAVE to reciprocate!”

No. I. Don’t. Can’t a guy just do something nice for me without expecting something in return? Yes, he can. You aren’t expected to reciprocate anything if you don’t want to. I don’t give Santa Claus presents after he leaves me tons of gifts under my Christmas tree, I just bake him cookies. I’m sure some nights cookies will be a good enough reciprocation for your guy.

2. “Lube is for old ladies.”

Total lies. Lube is for virgins, old ladies and anyone in between. I know there are some nights when things aren’t going too “smoothly,” and lube would definitely solve those problems. You don’t have the buy the lube that is obviously for old people (like Astroglide). If you go to a sex store, you can find billions of lubes (flavored, water-based, warming, cooling, etc.) that won’t make you feel like an old woman.

3. “It’s okay to skip your birth control sometimes. “

Yeah! It’s totally okay if you want to have a baby! But I’m assuming you don’t want a baby, so you probably shouldn’t be skipping pills. If it’s hard for you to remember to take your pill every day, try another method that you won’t have to remember to take every day after lunch.

4. “It’s hard for girls to have orgasms, so you don’t have to have one every time.”

Yes I do! If I am going to take twenty minutes out of my life to make sure the guy has one, then I better have one too. And I understand that sex is about more than orgasms. It’s about love and that special connection with someone. However, sometimes the only “connection” I want is the connection of my O and my guy’s O happening at the same time.

5. “You can get pregnant from ‘swallowing’.”

This comes from the same friend who told me number one. She thinks that your stomach is connected to your uterus, and anything that enters your stomach shoots right through into your uterine walls. By this logic, there’s a foot-long sub in my uterus right now. At least it’s not a baby.

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  1. SwingoutScott says:

    However, sometimes the only “connection” I want is the connection of my O and my guy’s O happening at the same time.
    Isn't that a myth too? I've never had it happen.

    1. Nancy says:

      My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and we're finally able to do this! Sometimes lol

    2. Maura - Rider University says:

      It can happen, according to Cosmo. Who knows how factual that is, hahha. I feel like it's possible but definitely requires you two to know how each others bodys work and react so you can time it properly.

    3. Molly - UNL says:

      Yeah, I feel like it takes more than a few times with the same person.

    4. Hannah says:

      Oh its possible : ) but its only happened like once out of hundreds of times with my boyfriend

  2. Maura - Rider University says:

    The worst advice I ever got was probably when us girls all started getting our periods. One friend told me that she couldn't use super tampons because her vagina wasn't that big….had to explain to her that you don't buy tampons according to size, but absorbency! She's 18 and I'm pretty sure she still doesn't believe me hahhaa

  3. […] • The worst sex advice from friends. (College Candy) […]

  4. Shelly says:

    haha i cant believe people actually gave these as advice

  5. Mac says:

    "If I am going to take twenty minutes out of my life to make sure the guy has one, then I better have one too."

    This blatantly contradicts your #1. Two way street??

    1. Deb S. says:

      hahahah, loves it.

    2. Jasper says:

      I agree, this bitch is a hypocrite.

    3. Adria says:

      Nope – #1 is reciprocating oral.
      Ensuring both have an orgasm is something completely different, and I completely agree with her on this. Why should my partner and I having sex be only focused on his orgasm? Give and take please. Sharing is caring. You get the picture lol.

  6. Deb S. says:

    i disagree with number 4. i'm 20 years old and have been sexually active for the past 3 years, i have never had an orgasm. sometimes it just doesn't happen for girls.

    i don't like the whole pressure for girls to ALWAYS orgasm. it's unrealistic not only for me, but i'm sure for other girls as well.

    1. Rachel says:

      I agree! A vibrator or oral are the only ways to make me orgasm, and my boyfriend gets really upset when we have sex and it doesn't happen. It's definitely unrealistic to always expect an orgasm.

  7. virginhuntress says:

    I heard some pretty terrible ones growing up too, it was awful.

    By the way, Astroglide is known for anal sex, not for old people. Just thought I'd clear that up. ;) And it's more important to pick one that's made for your needs (not one based on how old you feel). Silicone based/water based/ etc are FAR more important factors.

    Also, simultaneous orgasms are perfectly real. I've had them far more with my current partner than my last one, and it isn't a myth at all. It's just not something we concentrate on. If it happens, then great, if not, then meh.

  8. asdf says:

    Can't I sometimes just have the pleasure of giving my Husband an orgasm without expecting something in return? I mean if guys aren't supposed to expect a blow job after going down on us women then why should I HAVE to have an orgasm every time? You seemed a little selfish in this statement, not to mention hypocritical.

  9. xyz says:

    Bullshit! The orgasm is everything, the release of all tension and pressure, so give me a break!

  10. Liz says:

    I agree with virginhuntress. Simultaneous orgasms are perfectly real and perfectly doable. A lot of it is about timing. If he feels close, he's gotta pull out and wait for you to catch up. Once you do, in he goes and voila. Simultaneous orgasm. It can be tricky at first, but from day one, my partner and I have always made that our goal. I'm not saying this applies to everyone, but we tend to feel bad if the other person doesn't achieve the same level of pleasure.
    That being said, it's different for everyone, so whatever floats your boat, I say.

  11. Amy says:

    And just why is Astroglide "for old people?" I agree with virginhuntress above. My personal opinion is that if you're going to be judging lubricants based off a perceived customer age group rather than how well it gets the job done, you have other issues. Astroglide works great for me, and I'm not afraid to say it.

  12. Halsten smith says:

    These type of sex advice is very Helpful for sex with our partner.

  13. Meg says:

    The orgasm has never been my goal from sex with a partner. That doesn't mean the sex is bad. As long as he climaxes, I am happy even if I don't. When the goal of sex is to orgasm every single time, you're setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment.

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