True Story: I’m the Slutty Friend

December 26, 2011 1:00 pm     Posted in Reality, Sex  Noa - CU Boulder g+ page


By Noa

Yeah, I’ll admit it. Relative to the other women in my circle of college friends, I’m who people would call “the slutty one” because I’ve been with the most number of men. I don’t mind making out with a random stranger for fun and I’ll stay the night at his place if I’m looking for a change of atmosphere. Yes, I’m a slut. What’s wrong with that?!

I used to attach a negative connotation to the word “slut” when I first came to college. I looked down on girls who were dressing provocatively every night and sleeping with guys they barely knew. I thought they were shallow and empty and searching for fulfillment in boys who suddenly kinda thought they were attractive. I was never friends with them. I criticized them. And I felt really sorry for them from afar.

But as the semesters flew by, I learned a lot about myself. I realized that I like making out. And that I like having sex. I happen to like dresses with deep necklines and short hemlines and I happen to like how I look in said dresses. I think you’ll agree that there’s nothing wrong with any of these things, and there’s nothing wrong with putting all of these things together and liking that combination.

Maybe the fact that I take it a step further is what makes people uncomfortable. If I’m out at a bar and I suddenly have the desire to make out with someone, I’ll do it. If I’m sexually frustrated and want to fulfill that urge later on in the evening, I won’t have any shame when walking back to my room the next morning. Sure, these activities are amazing when in a relationship with someone I’m really in love with, but if I’m not in love with anyone at the moment, does that mean I have to forgo these activities? Do I have to wait months before I get to know some guy and “fall” for him in order to sleep with him? What if he’s absolutely awful in bed? I know that doesn’t matter as much when actually in love with the person, but I’m not looking for love right now. I’m single. And I have needs. I guess some people consider my situation to be “slutty.”

Slutty activity is sometimes a coping mechanism for the insecure — those who look to men for attention and validation that they are, in fact, awesome. And to be honest, that strategy is really sad. It never actually fulfills her and only leaves her incredibly codependent and even more lost than before she decided to hook up with the guy. But I’m going to introduce you to another theory of the slut-minded. I’m not insecure, I’d actually say I’m confident. I’m confident in my identity and my sexuality and my emotional capacity and my ability to engage in sexual activity safely. And every now and then, I just want to enjoy all of it with another person who feels the same way about themselves. I’m not looking to him for validation, and I’m not objectifying him either. To me, confidence is attractive, not only when found in others, but also in myself. I see it like he’s a new friend who is doing me a few favors, that’s all.

I understand why people have problems with my behavior, whether rooted in a specific religion or a conservative upbringing or otherwise. Some people might argue that I’m making all women look bad. By reserving the right to get mine, I’m making you look bad? How is that possible?! I’m making you look GOOD! I’m pushing women forward, into the future! I’m proud of my sexual freedoms and our ability to purchase birth control, I’m fighting everyone’s opinions for the right to good sex. Why should only men enjoy these things? Why do we as women always have to tear each other down all the time?! It’s funny, I don’t hear you criticizing anyone’s life choices when you’re asking your slutty friend for makeout tips and suggestions for the best sex positions. If anything, we sluts are going out and experimenting for all of you. And all of your future partners. And all of our future partners because, let’s face it, our husbands are going to be very happy men!

Okay, okay. All jokes aside, I think it’s time we redefine what it means to be a slut. It really doesn’t need to a bad thing anymore. It’s okay to dress a little provocatively and enjoy your own sexuality without worrying what other people will think or what other people can potentially do to harm you. Being a slut doesn’t have to be about insecurity; it can be about confidence and self-love and self-respect and satisfaction. It can be a way to take control of your life and others’ opinions. Oh, and it can also be a hell of a lot of fun.

50 Comments on "True Story: I’m the Slutty Friend"

  1. Rachel says:
    Mon, 26th Dec 20113:13 pm 

    YES. Thank you.

    I would also like to add that dressing to show skin and having a large number have absolutely ZERO bearing on whether or not you are a good person. Responsible sexuality should have nothing to do with morality.

  2. Ashley says:
    Mon, 26th Dec 20113:32 pm 

    you're prideful about being a slut? kind of pathetic.

  3. Natalie says:
    Mon, 26th Dec 20113:53 pm 

    Couldn't have said it better myself. I'm criticized often for my slutty behavior when really I'm just trying to have single fun. Thanks for putting me back in the right perspective. Absolutely nothing wrong in being who you are and being confident at the same time.

  4. Ash says:
    Mon, 26th Dec 20117:25 pm 

    I. Love. You.

    But seriously, best article ever.

  5. alonna says:
    Mon, 26th Dec 201111:03 pm 

    thank you. I love this article. I believe single women should be allowed to have the same fun single men have without the BS double standard. Even if people do criticize you for your sexual behavior, who cares? People don't go out their way to live their life according to what you think is right, so why should you for them?

  6. Cee says:
    Mon, 26th Dec 201111:25 pm 

    this is what puts me in a sticky situation…wanting to release my slutty side but in a 2 year long relationship :/

  7. nate says:
    Tue, 27th Dec 20112:36 am 

    A "slut" is just a woman with the same morals as a man. nothing wrong with that!

  8. disgusting says:
    Tue, 27th Dec 20115:11 am 

    can't wait to read your next article on how you contracted herpes. whore.

  9. emedoutlet says:
    Tue, 27th Dec 20116:14 am 

    You are honest. You don't hide. You are not hypocrite. And you are proud of what you are. I never seen someone like you. You are awesome, Bebe… You are awsome…

  10. Molly - UNL says:
    Tue, 27th Dec 20115:59 pm 

    YES. Thank you. I hate that it's a problem that sometimes I want to go home with the cute guy from the bar. If we're both consenting adults, and being safe – where's the harm!?

  11. sara says:
    Wed, 28th Dec 20111:23 am 

    i love this article. amen sister!

  12. kate says:
    Wed, 28th Dec 20112:12 am 

    Thanks for writing this. My friends may tease, but at the end of the day my stories are always better than theirs- they live vicariously through me.

  13. Amber says:
    Wed, 28th Dec 20118:15 am 

    This is fabulous! This is what girl power is all about. Females need to stop putting each other down cause the guys will do it enough for all of us.

  14. Tefy says:
    Wed, 28th Dec 20119:37 pm 

    Love this so much. Finally someone is getting it!

  15. barry b says:
    Thu, 29th Dec 20112:26 pm 

    where were you when i was bar hopping?!!!

  16. Nikole says:
    Thu, 29th Dec 20116:14 pm 

    Thank you, Thank you and Thank you!! This is a great article! I'm the slutty friend and I'm proud of it. I love sex and making out and after reading this article I no longer feel so bad. Call me 888-471-4468 or check me out on http://www.easygirls.com

  17. martin says:
    Thu, 29th Dec 20118:07 pm 

    Your're just mad because you/re not getting any.

  18. Allison says:
    Sat, 31st Dec 20115:55 pm 

    This post makes me so happy. I like sex. I like making out. I like meeting new people. I'm safe and responsible about it, and there's nothing wrong about that.

    So many people are judgmental, and I felt guilty about it for the longest time. It took me quite a while to realize that I am an adult, I can make my own decisions, and that this is what I want to do. I honestly haven't slept with that many guys, but I don't hold myself back if that's what I want.

  19. Lexie says:
    Wed, 4th Jan 201212:11 am 

    I adore this article!! I went to college with the same mentality but quickly realized that as a modern, independent woman, getting my own satisfaction in my own time is nothing to be ashamed of :) Thanks for writing this and putting words to our feelings.

  20. KAT says:
    Wed, 4th Jan 20124:23 am 

    I really needed this. A guy was recently making me feel horrible about my "slutty" life style. But why should i feel let down for having some fun. I am not looking for a relationship but does that mean i should have to give up sexual activities. I don't think it should, it doesn't for single guys. Thank You so much.

  21. Sex Bullshit says:
    Thu, 5th Jan 20125:42 pm 

    Why be called a slut and just not liking sex?? hence I created http://sexbullshit.com/

  22. Sex Bullshit says:
    Thu, 5th Jan 20126:45 pm 

    I get attacked, and I have lost relationship when the guy found out bout my "numbers", but whatever. I LOVE SEX, and will NEVER be SORRY for it!!! I have enjoyed every bit of it!! I also believe that it makes ya healthier, and women who deny themselves are just messed up.. I do get annoyed with girls who dress like a whore, and act a certain way, I call it cheating in the game, and it shows no SKILL… I would love for any of you ladies to write about your experience in my guest article. http://sexbullshit.com/

  23. bbgirljay says:
    Wed, 11th Jan 20128:15 pm 

    @ashley and disgusted… did you read the article? Girls like you are the reason self confident sexualy empowered women hate themselves.

  24. Gab says:
    Thu, 12th Jan 20123:33 pm 

    Girlllllll, I feel you. We are one in the same. My mother, who told me that in her generation I'd be considered a slut, PRAISES me for owning my own sexuality. If my mother, a former nun (yes, seriously), can appreciate it then anyone can. I'm also the sex columnist for my college paper and my staunch conservative/Catholic father read it, responding, "Wow, this is so well written!" If my parents will celebrate my sexuality then I'm sure they'd celebrate yours as well, and what else would you need? Hallelujah for sexual beings! (PS check out my sex blog [it's pretty much SFW because there are no pictures] because that links to a lot of things I've written along the same line as this!) xoxo

  25. shay says:
    Sun, 15th Jan 20126:15 am 

    im so glad to see the out pouring of positive feedback to this article. i was afraid when i first started to read it that it was going to be ripped to shreds, as we "sluts" are! I LOVE YOU NOA, i think you are amazing and thank you for standing up for us! im happy that there are so many like minded women out there, of all ages too. I had a GREAT time before i was married, my husband is benefiting now :) he loves it

  26. shay says:
    Sun, 15th Jan 20126:17 am 

    you need to be SINGLE to be a "slut" babe. be careful or you will hurt yourself and the one who loves and trusts you.

  27. shay says:
    Sun, 15th Jan 20126:21 am 

    a WHORE is someone who is PAID for their services. WE do/did it because we want[ed] to… and the main point is being SAFE. you think "sluts" dont take care of ourselves, WRONG!! probably better than the average woman who misses her annual pap… most "sluts" get tested every 6 months (or more) and get paps and use condoms and birth control. if anything we are protecting ourseleves from YOUR nasty husbands who are really screwing WHORES, go get laid hunny, itll do you some good.

  28. shay says:
    Sun, 15th Jan 20126:23 am 

    i cant like this more than once, so LIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKE

    -good deal!

  29. Jewlee says:
    Wed, 21st Mar 201211:57 pm 

    This is what's wrong with society today. Everybody thinks it's fine and dandy to go sleeping around with everyone. Why would you want to be a "slut"? Someone who wants to be "empowered" should have self respect for their body, not giving it out to everyone. I think you have just slept around and are trying to make yourself feel better by saying, "Oh, its okay! Really this is the right thing to do." Well, I guess it's a personal choice, so more power to you. But studies do show that sex in a monogamous, committed relationship is better. Just sayin.

  30. Absolver says:
    Mon, 16th Apr 201211:17 am 

    Firstly, sleeping around doesn't mean you lack self respect. I bet you that everyone who operates a restaurant respects their business AND they want EVERYONE in town to eat there. And if you even read the article you'd see where the author specifically addressed that point. She doesn't have sex TO BECOME empowered but because SHE IS empowered and likes having sex. Have you had sex? It's pretty awesome, I like having it (with my wife) too.

    Secondly: actually, studies show promiscuity is good. Not only do societies with more promiscious women tend to have lower violent crime rates, but it is also linked to eras of peace (hippies: lots of peace, lots of sex). It is also shown to be good for babies.

  31. Bill says:
    Tue, 24th Apr 201212:45 pm 

    Hey there. You want to go out, get laid, abuse your body and show no respect for yourself by being the ol' town bicycle? Go right ahead. Knock yourself out…nobody's telling you that you can't, I guess. The funny thing, to me, though, is that you actually think there's marriage or any kind of happiness in your future. You'll be used up, stretched out, and likely infested with herpes by the time you're twenty-five. No decent man will ever want you, and you'll die miserable and alone. Oh well. Oh, by the way…nobody is 'impressed' by you, or secretly 'jealous' of you. Your friend's talk behind your back and make fun of you for being the cheap whore you are, and any guy who sleeps with you is just using you for your body. Afterwards, they talk about you to their friends using words like 'bitch' and 'cumdumpster.' Know why? Because that is what you are. God, what a disgusting thing to try and be proud of. Penning a poorly written article on the subject doesn't somehow make it acceptable behaviour, despite how hard you'll no doubt work to convince yourself.

  32. Roland says:
    Tue, 24th Jul 20128:28 am 

    Promiscuity is a large factor in the amount of single-parent homes. Anyone that sees that as a positive for society needs to have their head examined.

  33. Roland says:
    Tue, 24th Jul 20128:32 am 

    I don't think there is a problem, unless you get an STD, or pregnant, at which time the rest of us will be paying for your irresponsible actions through our insurance costs. And yes, it's a possibility.

    On top of that, consider life down the road: no decent dude will marry a slut.

  34. Roland says:
    Tue, 24th Jul 20128:35 am 

    Simply put, you're a slut.

    And you will continue to run into these same problems. People that can't control their impulses can't be trusted, man or woman.

  35. eduard gonzales says:
    Fri, 27th Jul 20123:23 am 

    Dude, you simply don't get it. This girl is hot, actualized and probably better than you will ever get. Looser.

  36. Donna says:
    Fri, 17th Aug 201210:20 am 

    Okay, we'll then she's an unpaid whore, better?

  37. Mike says:
    Sun, 23rd Sep 20127:06 am 

    You are absolutely right. The time will come when its not so easy to have good sex with different guys. So enjoy it while its there. I agree that STD's can be a problem but there is safe sex and there are clinics.

  38. Marie says:
    Mon, 15th Oct 20124:50 pm 

    If you like to live like that, if you are happy to be who you are, and if you like to be a little slutty. Its fine. I just think its a little too slutty. I would never ever be that slutty. But I respect that you want to live that life. Just be careful, and i hope that you won't end up sad about what you did in your past. People shouldn't call you a slut, whore and things like that, because its your life.

  39. Kay says:
    Sat, 10th Nov 20128:41 am 

    You have issues. I can't wait to read your next article on how you never had any friends because you're a dildo.
    #tryleavingyourchurchforonce

  40. Babyjesus says:
    Sat, 10th Nov 20128:44 am 

    You know what they call a male version of this? A player. Go fuck yourself. No one else will.

  41. Alexandra Acosta says:
    Wed, 9th Jan 20135:41 pm 

    Hi My name is Alexandra and I work at the Dr. Phil Show in Los Angeles. I am writing to the author of this page to see if we can get in contact to discuss the issue of slut shaming and the possibility of her appearing on the show. Please call me ASAP 323-956-3267
    Thank you!

  42. Bob says:
    Sun, 3rd Mar 201311:20 pm 

    No insecure man-boy wife-beating jerk (like you?) will marry a "slut".

  43. ilovesex says:
    Mon, 22nd Apr 20136:09 pm 

    Wow I am really appalled a some of the comments on here. How can you people be so closed minded? We aren't in the 50's any more folks.

    A few of you talk about giving your body out to be used, I think your rather missing the point, and I can't help but think you're all having some pretty shit sex. I really don't see how sleeping around equates to a lack of self respect. I respect myself, I respect my body, and one way to show my body respect is give it what it wants damn it. Why do you think women have orgasms? We are suppose to enjoy it to. Sex should be as much for female enjoyment. I am not being used by men, I am using them. I consider a slut to be a woman who can keep her knickers on when she should i.e. when in a relationship But there is nothing wrong with 2 (or more for that matter) consenting adults have safe sex for the purpose of mutual sexual pleasure. You people are repressed, I pity you!

  44. ilovesex says:
    Mon, 22nd Apr 20136:11 pm 

    I can so tell you have a shit sex life. I pity your wife (assuming you have managed to trap one) I don't doubt for a moment that you have never given her an orgasm. For you sex is all about you isn't it. God forbid a woman should enjoy sex, respond to her base urges. Poor, poor woman.

  45. ilovesex says:
    Mon, 22nd Apr 20136:13 pm 

    Ask him if he fancies a threesome.

  46. He Who Shan't be Named. Shatt says:
    Fri, 26th Apr 20134:12 am 

    HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

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