True Story: I’m the Slutty Friend

December 26, 2011 Posted in Reality, Sex

Yeah, I’ll admit it. Relative to the other women in my circle of college friends, I’m who people would call “the slutty one” because I’ve been with the most number of men. I don’t mind making out with a random stranger for fun and I’ll stay the night at his place if I’m looking for a change of atmosphere. Yes, I’m a slut. What’s wrong with that?!

I used to attach a negative connotation to the word “slut” when I first came to college. I looked down on girls who were dressing provocatively every night and sleeping with guys they barely knew. I thought they were shallow and empty and searching for fulfillment in boys who suddenly kinda thought they were attractive. I was never friends with them. I criticized them. And I felt really sorry for them from afar.

But as the semesters flew by, I learned a lot about myself. I realized that I like making out. And that I like having sex. I happen to like dresses with deep necklines and short hemlines and I happen to like how I look in said dresses. I think you’ll agree that there’s nothing wrong with any of these things, and there’s nothing wrong with putting all of these things together and liking that combination.

Maybe the fact that I take it a step further is what makes people uncomfortable. If I’m out at a bar and I suddenly have the desire to make out with someone, I’ll do it. If I’m sexually frustrated and want to fulfill that urge later on in the evening, I won’t have any shame when walking back to my room the next morning. Sure, these activities are amazing when in a relationship with someone I’m really in love with, but if I’m not in love with anyone at the moment, does that mean I have to forgo these activities? Do I have to wait months before I get to know some guy and “fall” for him in order to sleep with him? What if he’s absolutely awful in bed? I know that doesn’t matter as much when actually in love with the person, but I’m not looking for love right now. I’m single. And I have needs. I guess some people consider my situation to be “slutty.”

Slutty activity is sometimes a coping mechanism for the insecure — those who look to men for attention and validation that they are, in fact, awesome. And to be honest, that strategy is really sad. It never actually fulfills her and only leaves her incredibly codependent and even more lost than before she decided to hook up with the guy. But I’m going to introduce you to another theory of the slut-minded. I’m not insecure, I’d actually say I’m confident. I’m confident in my identity and my sexuality and my emotional capacity and my ability to engage in sexual activity safely. And every now and then, I just want to enjoy all of it with another person who feels the same way about themselves. I’m not looking to him for validation, and I’m not objectifying him either. To me, confidence is attractive, not only when found in others, but also in myself. I see it like he’s a new friend who is doing me a few favors, that’s all.

I understand why people have problems with my behavior, whether rooted in a specific religion or a conservative upbringing or otherwise. Some people might argue that I’m making all women look bad. By reserving the right to get mine, I’m making you look bad? How is that possible?! I’m making you look GOOD! I’m pushing women forward, into the future! I’m proud of my sexual freedoms and our ability to purchase birth control, I’m fighting everyone’s opinions for the right to good sex. Why should only men enjoy these things? Why do we as women always have to tear each other down all the time?! It’s funny, I don’t hear you criticizing anyone’s life choices when you’re asking your slutty friend for makeout tips and suggestions for the best sex positions. If anything, we sluts are going out and experimenting for all of you. And all of your future partners. And all of our future partners because, let’s face it, our husbands are going to be very happy men!

Okay, okay. All jokes aside, I think it’s time we redefine what it means to be a slut. It really doesn’t need to a bad thing anymore. It’s okay to dress a little provocatively and enjoy your own sexuality without worrying what other people will think or what other people can potentially do to harm you. Being a slut doesn’t have to be about insecurity; it can be about confidence and self-love and self-respect and satisfaction. It can be a way to take control of your life and others’ opinions. Oh, and it can also be a hell of a lot of fun.

13373332 CommentsTrue+Story%3A+I%27m+the+Slutty+Friend2011-12-26+18%3A00%3A26Noa+-+CU+Boulder on "True Story: I’m the Slutty Friend"

Rachel says:
Mon, 26th Dec 20113:13 pm

YES. Thank you.

I would also like to add that dressing to show skin and having a large number have absolutely ZERO bearing on whether or not you are a good person. Responsible sexuality should have nothing to do with morality.

Ashley says:
Mon, 26th Dec 20113:32 pm

you're prideful about being a slut? kind of pathetic.

Natalie says:
Mon, 26th Dec 20113:53 pm

Couldn't have said it better myself. I'm criticized often for my slutty behavior when really I'm just trying to have single fun. Thanks for putting me back in the right perspective. Absolutely nothing wrong in being who you are and being confident at the same time.

Ash says:
Mon, 26th Dec 20117:25 pm

I. Love. You.

But seriously, best article ever.

alonna says:
Mon, 26th Dec 201111:03 pm

thank you. I love this article. I believe single women should be allowed to have the same fun single men have without the BS double standard. Even if people do criticize you for your sexual behavior, who cares? People don't go out their way to live their life according to what you think is right, so why should you for them?

Cee says:
Mon, 26th Dec 201111:25 pm

this is what puts me in a sticky situation…wanting to release my slutty side but in a 2 year long relationship :/

nate says:
Tue, 27th Dec 20112:36 am

A "slut" is just a woman with the same morals as a man. nothing wrong with that!

disgusting says:
Tue, 27th Dec 20115:11 am

can't wait to read your next article on how you contracted herpes. whore.

emedoutlet says:
Tue, 27th Dec 20116:14 am

You are honest. You don't hide. You are not hypocrite. And you are proud of what you are. I never seen someone like you. You are awesome, Bebe… You are awsome…

Molly - UNL says:
Tue, 27th Dec 20115:59 pm

YES. Thank you. I hate that it's a problem that sometimes I want to go home with the cute guy from the bar. If we're both consenting adults, and being safe – where's the harm!?

sara says:
Wed, 28th Dec 20111:23 am

i love this article. amen sister!

kate says:
Wed, 28th Dec 20112:12 am

Thanks for writing this. My friends may tease, but at the end of the day my stories are always better than theirs- they live vicariously through me.

Amber says:
Wed, 28th Dec 20118:15 am

This is fabulous! This is what girl power is all about. Females need to stop putting each other down cause the guys will do it enough for all of us.

Tefy says:
Wed, 28th Dec 20119:37 pm

Love this so much. Finally someone is getting it!

barry b says:
Thu, 29th Dec 20112:26 pm

where were you when i was bar hopping?!!!

Nikole says:
Thu, 29th Dec 20116:14 pm

Thank you, Thank you and Thank you!! This is a great article! I'm the slutty friend and I'm proud of it. I love sex and making out and after reading this article I no longer feel so bad. Call me 888-471-4468 or check me out on http://www.easygirls.com

martin says:
Thu, 29th Dec 20118:07 pm

Your're just mad because you/re not getting any.

Allison says:
Sat, 31st Dec 20115:55 pm

This post makes me so happy. I like sex. I like making out. I like meeting new people. I'm safe and responsible about it, and there's nothing wrong about that.

So many people are judgmental, and I felt guilty about it for the longest time. It took me quite a while to realize that I am an adult, I can make my own decisions, and that this is what I want to do. I honestly haven't slept with that many guys, but I don't hold myself back if that's what I want.

Lexie says:
Wed, 4th Jan 201212:11 am

I adore this article!! I went to college with the same mentality but quickly realized that as a modern, independent woman, getting my own satisfaction in my own time is nothing to be ashamed of Thanks for writing this and putting words to our feelings.

KAT says:
Wed, 4th Jan 20124:23 am

I really needed this. A guy was recently making me feel horrible about my "slutty" life style. But why should i feel let down for having some fun. I am not looking for a relationship but does that mean i should have to give up sexual activities. I don't think it should, it doesn't for single guys. Thank You so much.

Sex Bullshit says:
Thu, 5th Jan 20125:42 pm

Why be called a slut and just not liking sex?? hence I created http://sexbullshit.com/

Sex Bullshit says:
Thu, 5th Jan 20125:45 pm

I get attacked, and I have lost relationship when the guy found out bout my "numbers", but whatever. I LOVE SEX, and will NEVER be SORRY for it!!! I have enjoyed every bit of it!! I also believe that it makes ya healthier, and women who deny themselves are just messed up.. I do get annoyed with girls who dress like a whore, and act a certain way, I call it cheating in the game, and it shows no SKILL… I would love for any of you ladies to write about your experience in my guest article. http://sexbullshit.com/

bbgirljay says:
Wed, 11th Jan 20128:15 pm

@ashley and disgusted… did you read the article? Girls like you are the reason self confident sexualy empowered women hate themselves.

Gab says:
Thu, 12th Jan 20123:33 pm

Girlllllll, I feel you. We are one in the same. My mother, who told me that in her generation I'd be considered a slut, PRAISES me for owning my own sexuality. If my mother, a former nun (yes, seriously), can appreciate it then anyone can. I'm also the sex columnist for my college paper and my staunch conservative/Catholic father read it, responding, "Wow, this is so well written!" If my parents will celebrate my sexuality then I'm sure they'd celebrate yours as well, and what else would you need? Hallelujah for sexual beings! (PS check out my sex blog [it's pretty much SFW because there are no pictures] because that links to a lot of things I've written along the same line as this!) xoxo

shay says:
Sun, 15th Jan 20126:15 am

im so glad to see the out pouring of positive feedback to this article. i was afraid when i first started to read it that it was going to be ripped to shreds, as we "sluts" are! I LOVE YOU NOA, i think you are amazing and thank you for standing up for us! im happy that there are so many like minded women out there, of all ages too. I had a GREAT time before i was married, my husband is benefiting now he loves it

shay says:
Sun, 15th Jan 20126:17 am

you need to be SINGLE to be a "slut" babe. be careful or you will hurt yourself and the one who loves and trusts you.

shay says:
Sun, 15th Jan 20126:21 am

a WHORE is someone who is PAID for their services. WE do/did it because we want[ed] to… and the main point is being SAFE. you think "sluts" dont take care of ourselves, WRONG!! probably better than the average woman who misses her annual pap… most "sluts" get tested every 6 months (or more) and get paps and use condoms and birth control. if anything we are protecting ourseleves from YOUR nasty husbands who are really screwing WHORES, go get laid hunny, itll do you some good.

shay says:
Sun, 15th Jan 20126:23 am

i cant like this more than once, so LIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKE

-good deal!

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