True Story: I’m the Slutty Friend

Yeah, I’ll admit it. Relative to the other women in my circle of college friends, I’m who people would call “the slutty one” because I’ve been with the most number of men. I don’t mind making out with a random stranger for fun and I’ll stay the night at his place if I’m looking for a change of atmosphere. Yes, I’m a slut. What’s wrong with that?!

I used to attach a negative connotation to the word “slut” when I first came to college. I looked down on girls who were dressing provocatively every night and sleeping with guys they barely knew. I thought they were shallow and empty and searching for fulfillment in boys who suddenly kinda thought they were attractive. I was never friends with them. I criticized them. And I felt really sorry for them from afar.

But as the semesters flew by, I learned a lot about myself. I realized that I like making out. And that I like having sex. I happen to like dresses with deep necklines and short hemlines and I happen to like how I look in said dresses. I think you’ll agree that there’s nothing wrong with any of these things, and there’s nothing wrong with putting all of these things together and liking that combination.

Maybe the fact that I take it a step further is what makes people uncomfortable. If I’m out at a bar and I suddenly have the desire to make out with someone, I’ll do it. If I’m sexually frustrated and want to fulfill that urge later on in the evening, I won’t have any shame when walking back to my room the next morning. Sure, these activities are amazing when in a relationship with someone I’m really in love with, but if I’m not in love with anyone at the moment, does that mean I have to forgo these activities? Do I have to wait months before I get to know some guy and “fall” for him in order to sleep with him? What if he’s absolutely awful in bed? I know that doesn’t matter as much when actually in love with the person, but I’m not looking for love right now. I’m single. And I have needs. I guess some people consider my situation to be “slutty.”

Slutty activity is sometimes a coping mechanism for the insecure — those who look to men for attention and validation that they are, in fact, awesome. And to be honest, that strategy is really sad. It never actually fulfills her and only leaves her incredibly codependent and even more lost than before she decided to hook up with the guy. But I’m going to introduce you to another theory of the slut-minded. I’m not insecure, I’d actually say I’m confident. I’m confident in my identity and my sexuality and my emotional capacity and my ability to engage in sexual activity safely. And every now and then, I just want to enjoy all of it with another person who feels the same way about themselves. I’m not looking to him for validation, and I’m not objectifying him either. To me, confidence is attractive, not only when found in others, but also in myself. I see it like he’s a new friend who is doing me a few favors, that’s all.

I understand why people have problems with my behavior, whether rooted in a specific religion or a conservative upbringing or otherwise. Some people might argue that I’m making all women look bad. By reserving the right to get mine, I’m making you look bad? How is that possible?! I’m making you look GOOD! I’m pushing women forward, into the future! I’m proud of my sexual freedoms and our ability to purchase birth control, I’m fighting everyone’s opinions for the right to good sex. Why should only men enjoy these things? Why do we as women always have to tear each other down all the time?! It’s funny, I don’t hear you criticizing anyone’s life choices when you’re asking your slutty friend for makeout tips and suggestions for the best sex positions. If anything, we sluts are going out and experimenting for all of you. And all of your future partners. And all of our future partners because, let’s face it, our husbands are going to be very happy men!

Okay, okay. All jokes aside, I think it’s time we redefine what it means to be a slut. It really doesn’t need to a bad thing anymore. It’s okay to dress a little provocatively and enjoy your own sexuality without worrying what other people will think or what other people can potentially do to harm you. Being a slut doesn’t have to be about insecurity; it can be about confidence and self-love and self-respect and satisfaction. It can be a way to take control of your life and others’ opinions. Oh, and it can also be a hell of a lot of fun.



    1. Rachel says:

      YES. Thank you.

      I would also like to add that dressing to show skin and having a large number have absolutely ZERO bearing on whether or not you are a good person. Responsible sexuality should have nothing to do with morality.

    2. Ashley says:

      you're prideful about being a slut? kind of pathetic.

      1. martin says:

        Your're just mad because you/re not getting any.

    3. Natalie says:

      Couldn't have said it better myself. I'm criticized often for my slutty behavior when really I'm just trying to have single fun. Thanks for putting me back in the right perspective. Absolutely nothing wrong in being who you are and being confident at the same time.

      1. Sex Bullshit says:

        Why be called a slut and just not liking sex?? hence I created

    4. Ash says:

      I. Love. You.

      But seriously, best article ever.

    5. […] True Story: I’m the Slutty Friend […]

    6. alonna says:

      thank you. I love this article. I believe single women should be allowed to have the same fun single men have without the BS double standard. Even if people do criticize you for your sexual behavior, who cares? People don't go out their way to live their life according to what you think is right, so why should you for them?

    7. Cee says:

      this is what puts me in a sticky situation…wanting to release my slutty side but in a 2 year long relationship:/

      1. shay says:

        you need to be SINGLE to be a "slut" babe. be careful or you will hurt yourself and the one who loves and trusts you.

      2. ilovesex says:

        Ask him if he fancies a threesome.

    8. nate says:

      A "slut" is just a woman with the same morals as a man. nothing wrong with that!

    9. disgusting says:

      can't wait to read your next article on how you contracted herpes. whore.

      1. shay says:

        a WHORE is someone who is PAID for their services. WE do/did it because we want[ed] to… and the main point is being SAFE. you think "sluts" dont take care of ourselves, WRONG!! probably better than the average woman who misses her annual pap… most "sluts" get tested every 6 months (or more) and get paps and use condoms and birth control. if anything we are protecting ourseleves from YOUR nasty husbands who are really screwing WHORES, go get laid hunny, itll do you some good.

      2. Donna says:

        Okay, we'll then she's an unpaid whore, better?

      3. Kay says:

        You have issues. I can't wait to read your next article on how you never had any friends because you're a dildo.

    10. emedoutlet says:

      You are honest. You don't hide. You are not hypocrite. And you are proud of what you are. I never seen someone like you. You are awesome, Bebe… You are awsome…

    11. Molly - UNL says:

      YES. Thank you. I hate that it's a problem that sometimes I want to go home with the cute guy from the bar. If we're both consenting adults, and being safe – where's the harm!?

      1. Roland says:

        I don't think there is a problem, unless you get an STD, or pregnant, at which time the rest of us will be paying for your irresponsible actions through our insurance costs. And yes, it's a possibility.

        On top of that, consider life down the road: no decent dude will marry a slut.

      2. Bob says:

        No insecure man-boy wife-beating jerk (like you?) will marry a "slut".

    12. sara says:

      i love this article. amen sister!

    13. kate says:

      Thanks for writing this. My friends may tease, but at the end of the day my stories are always better than theirs- they live vicariously through me.

    14. Amber says:

      This is fabulous! This is what girl power is all about. Females need to stop putting each other down cause the guys will do it enough for all of us.

    15. […] night getting drunk and flirting with the person you’ll make out with later on. Take it from those who do it regularly: it’s fun, but it’s definitely not life-altering or magical like Harry and Sally […]

    16. Tefy says:

      Love this so much. Finally someone is getting it!

    17. barry b says:

      where were you when i was bar hopping?!!!

    18. Nikole says:

      Thank you, Thank you and Thank you!! This is a great article! I'm the slutty friend and I'm proud of it. I love sex and making out and after reading this article I no longer feel so bad. Call me 888-471-4468 or check me out on

    19. Allison says:

      This post makes me so happy. I like sex. I like making out. I like meeting new people. I'm safe and responsible about it, and there's nothing wrong about that.

      So many people are judgmental, and I felt guilty about it for the longest time. It took me quite a while to realize that I am an adult, I can make my own decisions, and that this is what I want to do. I honestly haven't slept with that many guys, but I don't hold myself back if that's what I want.

    20. […] • Are you the slutty friend? (College Candy) […]

    21. Lexie says:

      I adore this article!! I went to college with the same mentality but quickly realized that as a modern, independent woman, getting my own satisfaction in my own time is nothing to be ashamed of:) Thanks for writing this and putting words to our feelings.

    22. KAT says:

      I really needed this. A guy was recently making me feel horrible about my "slutty" life style. But why should i feel let down for having some fun. I am not looking for a relationship but does that mean i should have to give up sexual activities. I don't think it should, it doesn't for single guys. Thank You so much.

    23. Sex Bullshit says:

      I get attacked, and I have lost relationship when the guy found out bout my "numbers", but whatever. I LOVE SEX, and will NEVER be SORRY for it!!! I have enjoyed every bit of it!! I also believe that it makes ya healthier, and women who deny themselves are just messed up.. I do get annoyed with girls who dress like a whore, and act a certain way, I call it cheating in the game, and it shows no SKILL… I would love for any of you ladies to write about your experience in my guest article.

      1. Roland says:

        Simply put, you're a slut.

        And you will continue to run into these same problems. People that can't control their impulses can't be trusted, man or woman.

    24. bbgirljay says:

      @ashley and disgusted… did you read the article? Girls like you are the reason self confident sexualy empowered women hate themselves.

      1. shay says:

        i cant like this more than once, so LIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKELIKE

        -good deal!

    25. Gab says:

      Girlllllll, I feel you. We are one in the same. My mother, who told me that in her generation I'd be considered a slut, PRAISES me for owning my own sexuality. If my mother, a former nun (yes, seriously), can appreciate it then anyone can. I'm also the sex columnist for my college paper and my staunch conservative/Catholic father read it, responding, "Wow, this is so well written!" If my parents will celebrate my sexuality then I'm sure they'd celebrate yours as well, and what else would you need? Hallelujah for sexual beings! (PS check out my sex blog [it's pretty much SFW because there are no pictures] because that links to a lot of things I've written along the same line as this!) xoxo

    26. shay says:

      im so glad to see the out pouring of positive feedback to this article. i was afraid when i first started to read it that it was going to be ripped to shreds, as we "sluts" are! I LOVE YOU NOA, i think you are amazing and thank you for standing up for us! im happy that there are so many like minded women out there, of all ages too. I had a GREAT time before i was married, my husband is benefiting now:) he loves it

    27. Jewlee says:

      This is what's wrong with society today. Everybody thinks it's fine and dandy to go sleeping around with everyone. Why would you want to be a "slut"? Someone who wants to be "empowered" should have self respect for their body, not giving it out to everyone. I think you have just slept around and are trying to make yourself feel better by saying, "Oh, its okay! Really this is the right thing to do." Well, I guess it's a personal choice, so more power to you. But studies do show that sex in a monogamous, committed relationship is better. Just sayin.

      1. Absolver says:

        Firstly, sleeping around doesn't mean you lack self respect. I bet you that everyone who operates a restaurant respects their business AND they want EVERYONE in town to eat there. And if you even read the article you'd see where the author specifically addressed that point. She doesn't have sex TO BECOME empowered but because SHE IS empowered and likes having sex. Have you had sex? It's pretty awesome, I like having it (with my wife) too.

        Secondly: actually, studies show promiscuity is good. Not only do societies with more promiscious women tend to have lower violent crime rates, but it is also linked to eras of peace (hippies: lots of peace, lots of sex). It is also shown to be good for babies.

      2. Roland says:

        Promiscuity is a large factor in the amount of single-parent homes. Anyone that sees that as a positive for society needs to have their head examined.

    28. Bill says:

      Hey there. You want to go out, get laid, abuse your body and show no respect for yourself by being the ol' town bicycle? Go right ahead. Knock yourself out…nobody's telling you that you can't, I guess. The funny thing, to me, though, is that you actually think there's marriage or any kind of happiness in your future. You'll be used up, stretched out, and likely infested with herpes by the time you're twenty-five. No decent man will ever want you, and you'll die miserable and alone. Oh well. Oh, by the way…nobody is 'impressed' by you, or secretly 'jealous' of you. Your friend's talk behind your back and make fun of you for being the cheap whore you are, and any guy who sleeps with you is just using you for your body. Afterwards, they talk about you to their friends using words like 'bitch' and 'cumdumpster.' Know why? Because that is what you are. God, what a disgusting thing to try and be proud of. Penning a poorly written article on the subject doesn't somehow make it acceptable behaviour, despite how hard you'll no doubt work to convince yourself.

      1. eduard gonzales says:

        Dude, you simply don't get it. This girl is hot, actualized and probably better than you will ever get. Looser.

      2. Babyjesus says:

        You know what they call a male version of this? A player. Go fuck yourself. No one else will.

      3. ilovesex says:

        I can so tell you have a shit sex life. I pity your wife (assuming you have managed to trap one) I don't doubt for a moment that you have never given her an orgasm. For you sex is all about you isn't it. God forbid a woman should enjoy sex, respond to her base urges. Poor, poor woman.

    29. Mike says:

      You are absolutely right. The time will come when its not so easy to have good sex with different guys. So enjoy it while its there. I agree that STD's can be a problem but there is safe sex and there are clinics.

    30. Marie says:

      If you like to live like that, if you are happy to be who you are, and if you like to be a little slutty. Its fine. I just think its a little too slutty. I would never ever be that slutty. But I respect that you want to live that life. Just be careful, and i hope that you won't end up sad about what you did in your past. People shouldn't call you a slut, whore and things like that, because its your life.

    31. Alexandra Acosta says:

      Hi My name is Alexandra and I work at the Dr. Phil Show in Los Angeles. I am writing to the author of this page to see if we can get in contact to discuss the issue of slut shaming and the possibility of her appearing on the show. Please call me ASAP 323-956-3267
      Thank you!

    32. ilovesex says:

      Wow I am really appalled a some of the comments on here. How can you people be so closed minded? We aren't in the 50's any more folks.

      A few of you talk about giving your body out to be used, I think your rather missing the point, and I can't help but think you're all having some pretty shit sex. I really don't see how sleeping around equates to a lack of self respect. I respect myself, I respect my body, and one way to show my body respect is give it what it wants damn it. Why do you think women have orgasms? We are suppose to enjoy it to. Sex should be as much for female enjoyment. I am not being used by men, I am using them. I consider a slut to be a woman who can keep her knickers on when she should i.e. when in a relationship But there is nothing wrong with 2 (or more for that matter) consenting adults have safe sex for the purpose of mutual sexual pleasure. You people are repressed, I pity you!

    33. He Who Shan't be Named. Shatt says:


    34. alexia says:

      I am a slut and an escort too. People have sometimes felt sorry for me but really I have a great life. I am very beautiful, confident, independent and intelligent. I make a great living working few hours and with my free time and disposable income I can afford to travel and look like a queen. Relationships do not interest me. Most men I came across while dating were just after sex or made lousy partners. So why cant I free myself from men and the 9 to 5 grind? Im happy with my choices. I believe sexism is what has always attempted to control women and their bodies. Most men tell me they wish they had my life. Heck even some women have. Except those women arent brave enough to pursue this lifestyle. I do and I cannot imagine returning to a “normal” life. I like my life too much:)

    35. Elle says:

      Wow. I cannot believe how right you are. I am in exactly the same situation and just because my preference in both men and female partners my pals think im a huge slut. So what if my number is bigger than everyone else… at least I had twice as much fun!

    36. Ben says:

      My email: (would be glad to hear from any of you)

      It’s good we are all expressing ourselves. Thanks to the author for leaving room for comments…but our bodies are treasures. Allowing every Tom, Dick & Harry take turns on us is against morals & against God. I pray we all encounter God thro’ Jesus Christ. We would be needing this:

      *******Four Steps to God*******

      1. God Loves You! The Bible says, “God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life” The problem is that…

      2. All of us have done, said or thought things that are wrong. This is called sin, and our sins have separated us from God. The Bible says “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” God is perfect and holy, and our sins separate us from God forever. The Bible says “The wages of sin is death.” The good news is that, about 2,000 years ago,

      3. God sent His only Son Jesus Christ to die for our sins. Jesus is the Son of God. He lived a sinless life and then died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins. “God demonstrates His own love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.” Jesus rose from the dead and now He lives in heaven with God His Father. He offers us the gift of eternal life — of living forever with Him in heaven if we accept Him as our Lord and Savior. Jesus said “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except by Me.” God reaches out in love to you and wants you to be His child. “As many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe on His name.” You can choose to ask Jesus Christ to forgive your sins and come in to your life as your Lord and Savior

      4. If you want to accept Christ as your Savior and turn from your sins, you can ask Him to be your Savior and Lord by praying a prayer like this: “Lord Jesus, I believe you are the Son of God. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive my sins and give me the gift of eternal life. I ask you in to my life and heart to be my Lord and Savior. I want to serve you always.”

      Did you pray this prayer? YES or NO

      YES http:// decision/

      NO http:// question/

      © 2013

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