It’s that time of year where we all take stock of our lives, realize we’re hot messes and resolve to change our behavior…for about two weeks. Because while eating healthier, working out more and generally being a more mature person are worthy aspirations that we should all work towards, we would be remiss if we failed to acknowledge that our sex lives could always use a little work. Whether you’re having sex daily, every six months or not at all, with a long-term partner, a FWB, or a one night stand, there is always room to grow and have better experiences. I mean, if the apocalypse or whatever really is next December, I need to go out knowing that I had the sexiest year to date, so next year, I want to do the following…
1. Stop feeling guilty about my preferences.
Sometimes I’m not in the mood. Sometimes I don’t want to be on top. Sometimes I just want to lay there and enjoy it. Sometimes I want Rihanna playing in the background. It’s totally okay for me to be selfish sometimes, because while, yes, pleasing my partner is important, so is taking my own pleasure into account. This is definitely a balancing act I don’t have down yet.
2. Take advantage of my balcony.
It would be absolutely criminal to not take an opportunity to have a romantic romp or a tawdry quickie on my private, 18th floor balcony.
3. Try some of the Kama Sutra
I’ve never really been interested in it because I always associated it with bored middle-aged people desperate to revitalize their long-dormant sex lives (ie: not at all arousing). But there must be a reason why this tradition has endured thousands of years.
4. Explore sex toys.
I finally procured my first vibrator this year, but I have yet to be inspired to use it. But I’m definitely interested in trying to enjoy masturbation, and this is the next step that I plan to take.
5. Stop comparing myself to porn stars.
Occasionally I watch porn with the boytoy, and while occasionally I am inspired to try something new, many times I find myself in a serious inferiority matrix and I start beating myself up for not being as aggressive, or enthusiastic, or as capable as the women in the pornos. I know this is completely irrational – even the “amateurs” are professionals, and I know that I do the best that I can, and am objectively pretty good at it, but I still find myself getting bummed out about it, and it’s not at all productive.
6. Have fun.
If you regularly read my column, you may have picked up on the fact that I can get really caught up in the political aspect of fornication — the gender roles, society’s general sex-negativity, all the ways in which sex can go wrong — which sometimes I forget to relax and just enjoy the fact that I am regularly have safe, consensual sex with someone who cares about and respects me.
What are your sexy New Year’s resolutions for 2012?