So, in between endless reruns of A-List and RuPaul’s Drag Race, LOGO airs a gem called Bad Sex. Ten people with varying levels of sexual dysfunction all seek help, but unlike most other “tough love” type reality shows, the person from whom they’re receiving therapy is a) sex positive and b) a certified sex therapist. Last week, I had the opportunity to interview Chris Donaghue, star of Bad Sex, and ask him about some of the sexual dysfunctions featured on the show.

CC: What is the premise of Bad Sex?
CD: It’s an exploration of the sex lives of 10 different participants, ranging from every gender, every sexual orientation, every age group. Bi, gay, straight, questioning. From sex addiction to sexual anorexia, love addiction and coming out stories. It’s not a gay show. There are only 2-3 people who are gay. It’s the kind of show that can tap into the heterosexual.

CC: How do you approach your patients?
CD: I’m not gentle, but I’m not penalizing.  You have to oscillate. It’s important to hold these people accountable to some of their bad behavior, but then you have to show up with empathy, and be loving and care-taking around more vulnerable patients.

CC: How do you identify a sex addiction?
CD: We’re at a time — culturally, socially, psychologically — where everyone is wanting to identify out of the norm and classify hypersexual behavior as a sex addiction. It’s kind of shaming some people’s sexuality. You can be hypersexual without it being addiction. Addiction is not about quantity. There’s no magic number. Everyone has an individual comfort level. It’s about the outcome. If your sex life is creating problems in your daily life, it’s a problem. If your sex life is creating shame and guilt, it’s a problem. If it’s impairing, it’s a problem. If you’re feeling confident and there are no negative consequences, it’s great. But, especially for women who enjoy sex, they may be labeled a slut. If you acknowledge that you love sex, and know you’ll be called a slut, you’re not going to carry around protection for fear of being labeled and you’re setting yourself up for negative consequences. The word “slut” needs to be eradicated.

CC: On the flip side, what is sexual anorexia? 
CD: Instead of acting out sexually, it’s a fear and avoidance and discomfort and rejection of sex.  It mirrors food anorexia. Sex anorexics don’t want to consume or talk about sex. There is a difference between a sexual anorexic and a late bloomer. A late bloomer is someone who holds off on sex, but they’re confident in their choice and they can own it and talk about it. Sexual anorexics have anxiety — they don’t want to think about it. It is usually born out of trauma.

CC: What is the most common sexual dysfunction?
CD: If I’m working with couples, disparate sexual desire — one partner wants sex way more than the other. Also, love and sex addiction, which is usually encouraged by the internet in that it is always accessible and confidential. Women and men are cheating online via webcams and sexting. It’s becoming compulsive and impulsive. They get caught up in it to the detriment of a healthy sex life.

CC: How does that happen?
CC: Sex addiction is an intimacy disorder. Sex became more attractive as a way to cope or check out. Their sex isn’t wholesome, healing or pleasure based. They have shame and guilt. They’re not having happy relationships. It happens when people get into a relationship, and they can’t handle another level of intimacy, so they get it taken care of out of the relationship. More men are sex addicts, more women are love addicts — obsessively reading romance novels, watching certain tv shows, starting online relationships, their whole life shrinks to one addiction.

CC: What role does self-esteem play in sexual dysfunction?
CD: Self-esteem is the basis of everything. It’s at the core. Getting more self-esteem is how you start to raise the bar and demand better, and don’t allow unhealthy behaviors or addictions.

CC: How do you start re-building self-esteem?
CD: Isolating problematic behaviors. Take a break and recover. Restructure life. Building a nurturing social circle. Engaging in romantic relationships that feel wholesome or nurturing. Finding a purpose in life.

CC: What is the neurology of sex?
CD: Everything that happens has a neurological aspect. Every change in our behavior creates a change in our brain. Love addiction or sexual anorexia reshapes your brain and you set up your brain to not welcome a relationship or it wants constant stimulation. You have to rewire your brain through changing your behavior.

CC: Why is our culture so sex-negative.
CD: We use words that show/imply embarrassment. We don’t say vagina, we say “down there.” I’m a fan of correct language. It’s okay to talk about sex and sexuality. Get the words out there so people don’t shudder. There’s so much shame in our bodies and our sexuality. Our culture, religion and education dump our issues on us and they teach us which words to use. Using “slut” and “down there,” I have to stop and say “do you mean…?” and don’t shame them.

CC: How do you communicate effectively?
CD: A lot of couples operate from a place of mind-reading. If sex isn’t feeling good or you’re interested in trying other things, tell them. It’s about getting comfortable having a conversation. At first your partner might be awkward, but you have to do it. Coming out is scary and it isn’t just for gay people. You come out over and over again, because your sex life might change. You have to work to express the range of your sexuality. Vocalizing how you feel.  Relax and allow yourself to receive. It’s okay to be self-absorbed. Sex challenges our body esteem. Get comfortable with your body and what it looks like and feels like.

Are you totally obsessed with him yet? A guy on TV promoting healthy, positive, non slut-shamey attitudes toward sex? I am! Catch Bad Sex on LOGO Fridays at 9:00pm. You can also stream the episodes at logotv.com!

News broke earlier this week that James Franco’s “Directing The Actor II” professor, Dr. Jose Angel Santana, is suing NYU after allegedly being fired for giving him a D. Santana claims the bad grade was given because James missed 12 out of 14 classes during the semester and that Franco was given special treatment because of his celebrity status. Santana was fired at the end of the semester, and NYU actually hired James “as a lecturer on how to adapt poetry into short films.” That little tidbit probably didn’t make Santana too happy.

I have a hard time believing that Santana was fired for giving James Franco a bad grade, especially knowing how much schools take into consideration student evaluations and other factors. It seems silly for a school to fire a professor based on a celebrity, especially given accounts from his other professors like R. John Williams, his English professor and advisor at Yale. Read More »

Over the past weeks, you guys have been asking Marysa a great assortment of questions. She’s helped you tackle everything from dealing with a dirty roommate to navigating touchy subjects like drinking and overnight guests. More often than not, her advice for you has rested on one thing: open communication. The road to peaceful cohabitation begins and ends with being able to sit down and talk with your roommate.

After reading your comments, we realized the concept of “talking it out” is easier said than done. Today Marysa’s got the 411 on how to initiate calm, mature and constructive conversations with your roommate so as to solve issues ASAP. Read More »

“Oops she did it again,” Britney Spears skyrockets to the top gaining more than 1 million users following her on Google+, making her account the social network’s first to break the seven-figure record. Even though Google+ is only six months old, Spears’ die-hard fans did not waste any time on the new site, which allows them to keep up with the latest happenings on Spears’ life. She now has the title of “the most followed person” on Google+, outnumbering Google’s own CEO, Larry Page.

She graced the entertainment industry with her beautiful voice back in 1999 when she came out with her hit album Baby One More Time. She quickly became every young girl’s idol, including mine. Her first two albums became international hits, crediting Spears as a “pop icon” breaking all records. Her prominent stance in pop culture and music soon became a roller-coaster ride for her. From her number one hit songs and her countless awards to her drug addiction and court battles, Spears has maintained a fan base that will never leave her side. Throughouther tumultuous journey, Spears still remains on top.

Is Spears our generation’s Madonna? No matter how many times she fails she’s still loved by millions. Her highly publicized life has been in the limelight since the very beginning. She has proven to all that no matter how much fame, money and influence you have in the world, not everyone is perfect. We all make mistakes. Her mistakes have just been publicized for the whole world to see. Yet she always redeems herself. No matter how low she gets, Spears seems to bounce right back.

Her international fan base proves she has touched the lives of millions…someway, somehow. Her music will always be remembered. Just as Madonna left her mark on her generation, Spears is leaving hers on ours. The unconditional love Spears has from millions proves her legacy will always live on. She has sold over 100 million records worldwide, she has been credited as the eighth top-selling female artist in the United States, she is recognized as the best-selling female artist of the 21st century and the fifth overall. She is not only our generation’s Madonna, but also an icon, to say the least.

Let’s just admit it, the love for this legendary pop artist will never die. It’s official, she is no longer a girl, she IS a woman.

Want a reminder on why we love her? Just check out this gallery! Read More »

The politics surrounding sex toys are quite curious. I’m occasionally struck by the idea that sex toy is a bit of a misnomer. Most of the time when we think about sex toys, it’s in the context of masturbation, not intercourse, is it not? But what happens when sex toys transcend the gap between self-pleasure and mutual satisfaction? Not for the sexually timid, I would suggest — but it is quite tempting to contemplate adding one good thing (sex toys) to another good thing (sex). Why is introducing sex toys into your sex life a step that many find daunting to consider? No, I’ll admit I’ve not tried it, but under the right circumstances, I’d not be averse to it either. In fact, researching this column has made me decidedly curious…

But first, let’s consider sex toys and their use in general. Although female masturbation is still an arguably controversial topic, simultaneously it’s relatively normal (even expected) that a young (single) woman should own a vibrator. It’s sexy, it’s a bit naughty, it’s liberating. Women will talk about vibrators with their friends with nary a blush to be seen. Gals all over the world will get themselves off with the help of their dear Lelo Lily. Read More »

I love winter. But I especially love the drinks that winter brings. It suddenly becomes acceptable to drink hot cocoa all the time and those yummy peppermint mochas show up in Starbucks. But it’s also really easy to make your own winter drinks, including some with, ahem, an extra dose of comfort.

Spiked Pumpkin Chai Tea Latte

You’ll need…

• 4-5 chai tea bags (any brand works)
• about 1 pitcher’s worth of water (or a medium sized soup pot)
• about ¼ cup of Coffee Mate Pumpkin Spice creamer
• about 1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
• 2 shots of Bailey’s Irish Cream
• 2 shots of rum

How to make it… Read More »

Just when you think Ryan Gosling can’t get any more amazing, he goes and gets himself a new meme. And not just any meme, it’s a Hannukah themed meme. It’s like the dreidel keeps falling on gimmel and my heart is collecting all the gelt. (Whoever understands that reference wins my last leftover Bat Mitzvah party favor. What is it? Hint: it involves a picture of me in all my 13-year-old glory.) But seriously, all rabbinical humor aside, it’s officially my favorite tumblr of the day. So do yourself a favor and check it out by clicking right here.

Jenni may or may not have printed all the photos out to give to people for presents in lieu of gifts that cost money. You can follow her on Twitter here @MayorJenni.

It’s that time of the year where we all reflect on what we did and did not do, get wasted on eggnog, and then design a new set of principles to follow that will guarantee an improved New Year. However, right now, we’re still in that first part where we’re looking back. With a feeling of fondness and “awwww” I share with all of you, dear readers, my most special 10 Ask A Dude columns of 2011. Read More »

Ever wondered if Facebook or Twitter can affect your hormones? 

Feeling extra sexy? Check out these naughty gifts to put on your christmas list this year.

Despite the chilly temperatures this winter, keep your love life hot and heavy with these tips for the winter.

Ever wondered who is really behind the sex phone operator?

Taking a flight to Thailand anytime soon? Do not be surprised by their new additions to the flight attendant staff!

Going on a date anytime soon? Know your Deal Breakers!

Feeling extra vocal about your sex-life lately but no one to tell? Record your experiences in a sex journal. It will keep your secrets!

Ever wondered what type of hookup you are? Don’t get too frisky for the holidays!

Here is my reoccurring problem…

I’ll spend time with someone. A good friend, a guy on a date. We will have a fabulous time — laugh, drink, be merry wherever the night or day brings us. We will chat about family, friends, funny college stories. Drink wine or beer, share silly side glances, create inside jokes and quirky bonds. We will get home late. If it’s a friend, we’ll exchange a hug or a wave; if it’s a boy, a kiss or an endearing hand squeeze. I will, of course, realize how much fun we had, but I tend to breeze through these experiences. After the glitter-filled dust of the night has settled, I eventually do reflect, but it’s often with a disconnectedness.  Did that great time really just happen?

Suddenly, I will want to go back and share all of those moments again because I don’t think I absorbed them enough the first time. I want to relive the small moments. I want to relive the teeny side glances, the sweet kiss goodbye, the surprise compliment I received, the heartfelt compliment I gave. And then I’m left feeling at a loss — feeling like, though I did experience all those things, I also didn’t.

Does this ever happen to you? As if you didn’t absorb a moment fully enough? That time spent with someone (or even just yourself) simply went too fast? We all know it — life goes by way to quickly. And I’m getting tired of yearning for moments I’ve already experienced.

The solution to all of this yearning for the not-too-distant past is to really pay attention to the smallest moments while they’re happening. Most of the time, it’s the tiny nuances of a person — dramatic eye rolls, the face they make after laughing for fifteen minutes straight, the way they hug you — you want to always remember. In the realm of such a sh*tstorm of a daily life, the littlest things create the biggest feelings (sorry, that sounds painfully cheesy). But the best portion of my life is small moments I spent smiling at someone I liked, feeling that charming flutter of mutual attraction, hearing someone say ‘I like you,’ or a best friend giving me strong and wise advice.

I need to let life pass me by a little slower and recognize these teeny and special moments so I won’t feel at a loss when I’m looking back at them in my life telescope. That way, I will appreciate those notable gestures, delicate memories and actively remember to recognize them when they fleetingly pass me by. It’s such a simple and universal concept but getting my life together is a little stressful. It’s too easy to let these people and moments pass you by, so make an effort to stay in the moment while it’s happening.