Diary of the Undateable: One Time Where Carrie B. is Wrong

January 27, 2012 5:00 pm     Posted in Advice, Relationships  Khalea - Howard University g+ page


By Khalea

I firmly believe that Candace Bushnell was thinking about little ol’ me when she created the character of Carrie Bradshaw. Loosely speaking, she has lots of what I want in life – she’s a spectacular writer, she has several books under her belt, friends, a closet to make Vogue staffers weep and a playground of men (pre-Mr. and Mrs. Big, of course). She’s fictional, but I don’t care. She’s fabulous. One of my favorite episodes of “Sex and the City” is “Ex and the City”…right before Big and Natasha’s wedding. Before gallivanting into the Central Park sunlight in her Jimmy Choos, CB dropped a quote that’s been on my mind for a while:

“Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free ‘til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”

Pause. Does Carrie mean that it’s…okay to be single? That I’m not supposed to do the searching? That I’m just supposed to wait around until 2032 for this mystery man?

Though I should be used to it by now, I’m starting to resent the feeling of being single. Especially around Singles Awareness Day, which falls two days before my birthday. Double the fun. While everyone around me is paired off doing cutesy things on the National Mall and browsing museums and brunching on Sunday, I’m stuck at home watching SATC reruns. The amount of fun and particularly alluring things about the single life are scant, in my opinion.

And then there’s the matter of finding an equally wild component. Umm, where? Where, Carrie? I’ve searched near and far and made the profiles. Yes, I’m impatient. But where are you supposed to find a Mr. Big or an Aiden in college? I’ve heard the stories from you guys about locking eyes with fiancés in the library or bumping into them in the street. I think that I’m turning into too much of a realist to give chance a chance, though.

For once in my life, I think I disagree with Carrie. I think that running footloose and fancy-free leads to danger. It’s natural to long and to look, right? Everyone wants love. Probably 85 percent of the conversations that I have with my peers, friends and classmates revolve around the opposite sex – the smart guys in our classes, the single guys in the area, the hot guys on TV. Correct me if I’m wrong, but love is on our minds all of the time.

Or maybe I just need new things to think about.

I don’t see myself running wild like CB and her three did for years, playing the emotional slots until “the one” appeared. But I don’t have a starting point either.

CollegeCandy readers, what do you think. Should we be wild and free or actively searching for someone?

7 Comments on "Diary of the Undateable: One Time Where Carrie B. is Wrong"

  1. Lena says:
    Fri, 27th Jan 20129:49 pm 

    I have to agree with wild and free. That's what people keep telling me. But then again, the people telling me that are not with anyone. Actively searching seems okay to me, but sometimes I feel like you miss the good stuff because you become so focused on what you think seems important that you miss truly amazing people. I vouch for a combination of both. Look for people, but try to relax and take time to be you. Beats dreaming.

  2. Kelsey says:
    Fri, 27th Jan 201210:41 pm 

    Lena has a point. But what happens when you have found him, but there's too much history and the past keeps messing up the future? :-(

  3. Jasmine - Northern Arizona University says:
    Sat, 28th Jan 20124:46 pm 

    I definitely think you should take the opportunity to be wild and free. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 22, almost a year after I graduated from college (and moved to the DC area, coincidentally). While I love my boo and what we have, sometimes I look back on my life and wish I would have explored casual dating more. I get envious of my friends who are single and can flirt and mingle and make questionable decisions and laugh about it over brunch. In college, I only ever "dated" one guy (4 dates that ultimately didn't go anywhere). I was shy, introverted, and unapproachable, which wasn't the most alluring combination. After graduating, I moved to DC and started doing the online dating thing, and while every guy prior to my boyfriend was kind of an asshole, I learned so much from those experiences. Not every guy you meet is going to be Prince Charming, and that's okay.

    Relationships aren't something you can choreograph or calculate. Either it clicks or it doesn't, and it's kind of a mixture of luck and circumstance. Being single is not a moral failing. It doesn't mean you are any less of a person. It doesn't mean you aren't fabulous (I mean, really, we all know truly heinous people who somehow snag bf/girlfriends, so…). There's nothing wrong with putting yourself out there, and occasionally pining and longing, but life has so much more to offer. Take this time to get to know yourself, to cultivate your platonic friendships, to work on making your dream career a reality, and just be self-indulgent. I kind of miss not having to always be considerate of someone else's thoughts and feelings and schedule. Being single is as lame or as awesome as you want it to be.

  4. cate says:
    Sat, 28th Jan 20126:09 pm 

    You are in COLLEGE. You should be enjoying your time and focusing on you, getting your career going, being happy with YOUR life before you "need" to find someone. Just let it go and focus on yourself and just doing things you enjoy and you may meet somebody on the way or you might not until you're done with it all, but I promise you'll be okay.

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