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Friday Faves: How To Be Sexy Without Being Whore-y

The difference between the girl with a remarkable man and the girl with a remarkable number of STDs manifests itself in a woman’s character. Of course too much cleavage and sexual activity can also play into this realm of whoredom, but these aspects are not nearly as important as how a sexy woman carries herself. To be sexy (and not whore-y), a woman has to be filled with playfulness, sexual entendres/innuendos, and mystery. In short, she must master the art of the tease.

I don’t need to tell you what a whore is. In fact, you have probably already seen the bottom half of her ass sticking out of her way-too-short “dress.” She’s the one slurring her words at the club or messing around in the upper bedroom at the house party. We all know what she is (not) wearing and whom she has slept with. Now the more important question is: how do we avoid being her?

Mastering Playfulness:

A tease doesn’t need to rock a mid-drift and sky-high heels to get attention. (She gets too much of it already.) Instead, she gains and maintains a man’s attention through extreme amounts of playfulness. This can take place in numerous scenarios. Simply by turning her body, making eye contact, and smiling, she has already made the first move. If the man has enough guts, he will approach her. It’s just that simple.

After obtaining a man’s interest, a tease walks the fine line between approachable and unobtainable. Think: “Sure you can flirt me, but that doesn’t mean you’re going home with me.” This can be accomplished through coy behavior and the right amount of provoking. Put him down a little. Make harmless fun of him. Warning: it is important to do this about meaningless topics (like his favorite football team or love for girlie martinis, not his baby beer gut or the way his ears stick out), maintain a smile, and keep an “I’m just kidding,” attitude the entire time. The goal is not to piss the guy off, but to encourage him to play along.

You’re from Italy? Oh, you know what they say about Italians, don’t you?

[These are best played with a little push or nudge to add physical contact.]

Mastering Sexual Entendres & Innuendos:

The English language is filled with suggestive vocabulary. From “large” and “hard” to “wet” and “fast”, words with double meanings are great for throwing into casual conversation. A tease wants to imply “sex” without explicitly saying anything about it. It is vital to leave him wondering: “Did she mean to refer that or am I just imagining it?”

What are you doing tonight? You know I am always up for anything.

Overall, the point is to get the man thinking of sex without knowing you are thinking the same thing. But make sure to keep a balance. If you start coming off as too forward, make sure to mention that you are going to a baseball game with Steve later in the week, “forget” to answer one of his text messages, or leave early in a conversation. Men like competition and it is always important for a tease to leave before she is left.

Will you excuse me for a second? My friend, John, just walked in and I need to go say hello.

[Constantly switching from sexual flirtation and pulling away will keep him wanting more!]

Mastering Mystery:

Never give too much away! The more secrets a woman appears to have, the more interesting she becomes. This can be accomplished by refusing to give complete answers to questions or by returning his questions back to him.

I had a dream about you last night. I can’t tell you about it here. But it was a good dream!

Generally, a tease wants to leave most of the work to his imagination. If she is showing off the girls, she’ll cover up with some blue-jeans. If she is rocking her legs, she’ll cover up with a conservative top. Nothing is ever too-low, too-short, or too-explicit. A tease wants to leave a man needing to see more of her. She is Alluring. Confident. Sexy.

But definitely, absolutely not a whore.

[This post was originally written by Ashley – University of Michigan]

    Comments

    Comments

    1. Rachel says:

      This is a Friday Fave?
      I remember this article being roundly criticized when it was first posted and rightly so. It is judgemental, slut-shaming drivel.

    2. flower says:

      Please re evaluate how you phrase that first sentence. don't degrade or demean women for being an innocent victim of an STD.

      1. liv says:

        how is someone an innocent victim of an STD exactly? have safe sex

      2. Jasmine - Northern Arizona University says:

        Condoms do not protect from HPV and herpes. Moreover, shaming anyone for having an STD is just as absurd as shaming someone for having the flu or pneumonia.

      3. circle says:

        there are unfortunately people out there who are carriers of a virus and do not even know they have an std. also, people have it and do not feel the need to tell others. they spread around whether you are being safe or not. and if can happen without sex .. how many people do you know have oral sex with a condom??? do some research and learn about this to keep yourself safe and others. you will be best in the long run.

      4. Ailsa says:

        I think the important words in the sentence were "remarkable number of STDs" – it was getting at girls who have multiple STDs/get them often. One off, sure, these things happen, but someone regularly getting them… I would have little sympathy for that girl.

      5. ^whore says:

        i have a hard time feeling bad for some girl who has sex with 30 guys and gets an std. should have kept her legs closed.

    3. […] • How to be sexy without being a whore. (College Candy) […]

    4. Deb says:

      This is terribly written. If a college-aged girl doesn't know how to come off as sexy without being a whore, then she has some serious problems that can't be fixed with this poor advice.

      Honestly? I could do a better job at writing an article like this.

      1. criolle johnny says:

        Deb, If a M-A-N had the audacity to make the same comment, every female in college, coast to coast would be screaming about "slut-shaming-partreeearcheee" !!

    5. […] • How to be sexy without being a whore. (College Candy) […]

    6. Kennedy says:

      I wouldn't call this slut shaming. It's just that our society today has no idea how to be classy anymore and has lost all morals and values.

    7. Miriam says:

      Pleeeeeease stop. This is so judgmental and useless. Why do you need to put other women down to feel good about yourself? Ugh.

    8. Nina says:

      Wow this is pretty awful.

      Since when do we want to boil flirtation down to "be extremely sexual, but dont be a whore?" That's the kind of suffocating anti-feminist nonsense that has been targeting women for centuries. Telling women that they are meant to be seen as sexual but never act on their urges is a confusing and unrealistic standard to hold women to. It cages their sexuality in a specific definition of what is "right" and "wrong" rather than allowing them to explore what they believe is right for them.

      Also, what does the author believe constitutes a whore? She is drunk, slurring her words, but since her dress is short and you know she's a "whore," when she goes upstairs with some random guy at a party, it's no big deal. And if she contracts an STD, it's obviously because she's a huge slut and wanted it. What this sounds like to me is a girl that someone is taking advantage of. Maybe, instead of ostracizing women who wearing tight clothes and are overtly sexual, we a) identify dangerous situations other women may be in that they are too inebriated to stay away from and b) not victim blame someone for getting an STD or worse.

      Finally, isn't the point of flirtation to get to know someone, not to convince them that you're something you're not? Even if you follow this formula of "sexy not slutty," what did you really accomplish? Sure, you got the guy, but it's a guy who is interested in this pretty picture of someone else's idealized woman that you painted him, not you. And it's not to say that you're not sexual or mysterious or playful, but being the author of this article's perfected version of a woman isn't going to get you attention from guys that you're compatible with as an individual.

      CC, please take down this article. It makes me sick.

      Maybe we shouldn't be wasting our time reading slut shaming, double standard-perpetuating, poorly written articles on how to get guys. Maybe, just maybe, we should try to communicate honestly with people. If you follow someone else's advice on how to attract others, you're going to attract their ideal, not yours.

    9. Lisa says:

      This reads like it should come out of the Cosmo articles this website tears apart every month. Stay classy, CollegeCandy.

    10. Raney says:

      This is a problem I have been having recently, and I like the stuff mentioned in here. It makes sense and at parties in college it really does work like this. My girlfriends will always notice (before me!!) that my bra is showing or if I look slutty. And it does make me feel bad, I don't want to be seen as a whore to my girlfriends but I want to still come off sexy to the guys.
      This article isn't meant to slut-shame, it's meant for what I just talked about in my previous paragraph. Keep an open mind CCer's!! The term "slut" is a derogatory term so of course even talking about sluts in a topic would be so called "slut-shaming". Please give me a sentence that uses slut in a positive way.

      1. Nina says:

        I think the idea is that they are shaming sexual promiscuity by using terms like "slut" and "whore" that are supposed to be so harmful that they might deter someone from exploring their sexuality.

      2. Raney says:

        Well yes I agree to this but her article in in response towards it. I want to explore my sexuality while my friends have their own morals. The way I dress can come off as a broach of where their morals go. It's nice to know how to look sexy but still not look like a "whore" as society calls it to people who aren't as comfortable physically or are modest.

    11. Dicky says:

      Ah, good on Adele Horin. She’s ulluasy reliable for avoiding the simplistic, glad to see she hasn’t let us down.

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