Tuffy Luv Hates Your Roommate

January 31, 2012 3:00 pm     Posted in Advice, College, Reality  Tuffy Luv g+ page

 


By Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I love my life. I’m really happy. Everything is great. I go to a good school and I’m doing well. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I love. I have great friends who I hang out with all the time. The problem is my roommate. She doesn’t like me. I don’t know why. I’ve done my best to be nice with her but she just doesn’t like me.

It started about a week after we moved in together. My best friend and I were supposed to live together in the dorm we lived in last year, but she was on the waiting list for a study abroad and she got it at the last minute over the summer. So I moved in and met my new roommate, let’s call her T, and at first we got along fine. But it seems like the more we live together the more I get on her nerves. She studies a lot so I try to be quiet, but I live here too! When I come in late at night, I’m always quiet, but she says just the door opening wakes her up. She wakes me up in the morning when she gets up really early, but I’m not complaining!

She also has a problem with my boyfriend coming over, so I try to only have him over if she’s not going to be around. But we made a deal at the beginning of the first semester that he could crash at our room one day a week if it was on the weekend. I have never had him stay over more than one day of the weekend and sometimes I just crash at his place to avoid it all together. But now she wants to change it so that he can never sleep over.

She seems to think I’m some out of control party girl, but I think I’m just a regular college student. I go out at night and I have a boyfriend but I definitely have never slept around — been with the same guy for 2 years! — and I am a good student. I’ve tried to be nice to her, and I’ve even tried to hang out with her to try to get to know her better, but she just doesn’t like me and it’s making everything really uncomfortable in my own room. What should I do?

Bad Roommate

Dear Bad Roommate,

Girl, you have been more than reasonable. This bloop needs to get a clue. You are BOTH paying to live in the dorms, right? I mean, she isn’t paying for your half, right?!?!?! RIGHT?!??!!

Now, if you were being totally unreasonable and having the BF stay over constantly against her wishes, I would have told you you were being unreasonable. BUT!!! The two of you (very maturely) made an agreement at the beginning of living together that it was okay if he stayed over as long as it was only once a week on weekends. And you say that’s what you’ve been doing. So…what’s her problem?! She can’t rewrite the rules now!!!

And this business about how the door wakes her up if you come in at night — too flooping bad!!! I’m sorry, but you both live there, and, as long as you’re being quiet when you come in, I don’t see how she has the right to tell you what time you have to be home.

I do not get this girl. I do not get her at all. Well, no, that’s not true. I GET her. I just don’t LIKE her.

Seems to me she wants to be judgmental of your lifestyle because it isn’t hers. And that is never, ever cool. I think you need to sit her down and have a talk. Explain that you’re following the rules the two of you set up, and you’d like to be as considerate of her as possible without completely changing your lifestyle. Hear her out. Hopefully she’ll be reasonable and you guys can hug it out.

But, frankly, I doubt it. She’ll probably be uptight and nasty, in which case I urge you to say: “I’m so sorry you feel that way. I hope we can be civil and get along well enough to live together. If not, maybe you’d like to switch rooms.” And that’s that.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

7 Comments on "Tuffy Luv Hates Your Roommate"

  1. palmtrees&mountains says:
    Tue, 31st Jan 20124:12 pm 

    This – nearly identically – has been like my past semester as well. I agree with the advice, sounds good to me.

  2. Raney says:
    Tue, 31st Jan 20128:43 pm 

    Oh gosh that's a horrible roommate!! I hope you get to move out soon :(

  3. Samantha says:
    Tue, 31st Jan 20129:00 pm 

    I think she's being unreasonable about most of this stuff… but I have to say as far as the BF, I was the roommate who was uncomfortable with her roommate's BF spending the night. She may have thought she'd be able to handle him crashing at your place once a week, but realized after a few weeks/months that she felt uncomfortable with this guy that she probably barely knows being in the same room as her. I think the overall rule of dorm life should be that someone should never feel uncomfortable in his or her own room. I hated waking up and not being able to go shower and come back and change in my room because this guy was passed out in my roommate's bed. So compromise. Tell her that your BF won't stay in your room anymore, but she needs to stop complaining about the door. She should also invest in a pack of earplugs – I am a horribly light sleeper, and earplugs were the only way I could sleep in on the weekend.

  4. Michelle - College of Idaho says:
    Wed, 1st Feb 201211:56 am 

    While I do think this girl sounds unreasonable, I do agree with Samantha that it's okay to change your mind regarding an agreement if it makes you super uncomfortable. I love my friends to death and I'm on decent terms with all their dude-friends, but I'm not sure I could sleep in a tiny dorm with them right there, you know what I mean? especially if it was some guy I barely knew. I guess I'm a paranoid person and if I don't know someone very well, I will completely admit that I expect them to rob me blind until I get to know them better. I think both roomies need to sit down and have a chat – I think this girl might just not be comfortable saying what she wants to say — that the BF sleeping over makes her uncomfortable — and needs the opportunity to share it. That being said, I think she is being judgmental to an extent, but mostly I think her negative feelings about BF are being projected onto other things.

  5. Jackie says:
    Wed, 1st Feb 20123:02 pm 

    Good advice :) the girl sounds like a real pill.

  6. anon says:
    Wed, 1st Feb 20129:38 pm 

    Wholeheartedly agree about the BF thing! It always seems reasonable in theory, but for the roommate, it sucks in practice. Your boyfriend is stopping her from living her life in a way- she can't get dressed in Her room now that he's there. And if her pajamas are a bit thin, now she's uncomfortable because he's there.

  7. euphoricbakery says:
    Wed, 24th Oct 20121:30 am 

    omg i have the exact same roommate, except she took it one step further and went to the leasing office (apartment style living, we don't even share a bedroom) and complained about me!!! i have been nothing but nice to her and extremely considerate, but she is always nasty to me. One night I was finishing up my laundry at 11:30 because she had been doing laundry for 3 days straight and i was running out of cloths and she came out of her room and said (exact quote): Umm, we need to talk about reality!" She was ridiculously angry and confrontational when she said it. So i suggested we sit down the next day and talk and she just kept saying i did stuff like slam the door (which i do not). The fact is sometimes you just get a crazy roommate, i have been completely nice to her but tonight was the last straw, I'm only nice so long as i think you are deserving of it… and with her i no longer am.

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