He Said/She Said: Valentine’s Day Gifts To Fit Any Relationship

Valentine’s Day – love it or loathe it, it’s looming on the very-near horizon. Personally I’m not a fan, but perhaps that’s just my inner bitter spinster self talking — assuming someone took it upon themselves to shower me with gifts, I’d be perplexed, but I surely wouldn’t question it. (That’s not a hint, by the way — I’m about to leave the country with my worldly possessions on my back. The last thing I need is a cheap teddy bear occupying valuable space). But let’s not allow my sour-grapes attitude get us down! Instead, let’s explore the ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day in relationships of various permutations! Whether you’re in an exciting new fling or a tried and true relationship, we’ve got you covered…

The Relationship: ‘It’s Complicated’
You’re not together but you kinda are. Do you do the whole Valentine’s thing? Do you do it ironically? Ignore it altogether? Make some offhand remark about it? Oh god, what if he thinks I’m being clingy?

Potential gift: A decent shag and a wry “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

The Relationship: Two Weeks in Wonderland
You haven’t been together long, so Valentine’s Day is uncertain territory. Likes and dislikes, inside-jokes, wishes and dreams are yet to be concretely understood by either party, so anything highly personalised is out of the question.

Potential gift: At this point I’d say it’s socially acceptable to present your lover with a box of chocolates and a rose. With a cute smile, an arched eyebrow and a shrug in order to diffuse any sense of absolute earnestness.

The Relationship: The Three Month Sweet Spot
Everything is still new and exciting, but you know more about your mate now. The sex is good, you’re still all gooey-eyed around each other and others exclaim ‘Awww you guys are so cute together!’ That is, until you engage in a very elaborate and public make out session, at which point others mime vomiting and avert their eyes.

Potential gift: Dinner at a restaurant, a bottle of wine and some edible body paint.

The Relationship: The Six Month Itch
Things are potentially going a bit tits up. You’ve had at least one serious argument that involved tearful words, but had admittedly great make up sex afterwards. You’ve contemplated breaking things off, but decided to wait it out a bit longer.

Potential gift: An awkward picnic that ends in an argument.

The Relationship: One Year Down.
Things are now comfortingly predictable and boring. Congratulations!

Potential gift: Dinner at that place you always go to, a movie and maybe some routine sex.

Whatever you do for Valentine’s Day, don’t get too caught up in it. There’s no point in winding yourself in knots over a box of chocolate and a wilted rose.

What to see what He Said he’s getting for his girlfriend (or, er, hookup? friend with benefits?) this Valentine’s Day? Head on over to and read alllll about it!

[Image via ra2 studio/Shutterstock]



  1. Miriam says:

    So how about some actual suggestions for people who've been in a relationship for six months or longer? They do exist, you know.

  2. Guest says:

    Sounds like someone is a tad bit bitter about long term relationships..have fun being an old cat lady, no man will stay with you with an attitude like that about relationships.

  3. Molly - UNL says:

    I'm doing the "it's complicated" thing right now. There's an Ecard that says, "Happy Valentine's Day to the person I've slept with most recently" I'm sending it to him. :)

  4. Sharri says:

    Here's a pretty funny Valentine's Day cartoon:

    Totally worth a share, especially relevant to those with idiot guys in their lives!

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  6. Liz says:

    your bitterness really shows through here. learn to deal with it if you're going to write an "advice" article.

  7. Kelsey says:

    Sorry to say it, but this column kinda sucks. It's somewhat funny, but I agree: the author is way too negative.

  8. Katie Garrity - North Central College says:

    She's kidding, people. She's just trying to make a joke about Valentine's Day! Give her a break.

  9. Guest says:

    Oh my goodness people, lighten up! I'm in a long term relationship and found this really funny- losing your singledom doesn't have to mean losing your sense of humour as well….

  10. These are excellent gift ideas for Valentine's Day

  11. Polly says:

    Where is the He Said part of He Said/She said?

  12. Andrea says:

    Just because a couple has been together for a long time it means everything's boring… there are always new ways to make thing exciting

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