The 10 Commandments of Casual Sex

February 9, 2012 5:00 pm     Posted in Advice, Headliners, Relationships, Sex  Jenny University of Texas g+ page


By Jenny University Of Texas

Casual sex is…well, rarely casual. More times than not it ends with frustration, regret and overuse of the word ‘asshole.’ And let’s be honest, the pissed-at-the-world scale generally tips towards the ladies. How is it that men appear more successful at ‘handling’ their casual relationships?

While some may argue that men have an easier time separating sex and emotion, I don’t believe that is the defining attribute. I think men are just better at picking their casual partners. When a guy says, “Oh, I would never be serious with this girl,” it’s because he means it. He doesn’t get emotional or attached because he chooses a girl he would never get attached to. Is casual sex possible for women? Absolutely. But if we want to enter the same playing field, we have to play by the same rules. Ladies, I give you the 10 Commandments of Casual Sex.

Let me be clear, this is not the 10 Commandments of Dating, and it is definitely not the 10 Commandments of Making Your Hook Up Buddy Your Boyfriend. If you allow yourself to enter a ‘casual relationship’ with the underlying motive to make it something more, 9 times out of 10 you will be disappointed with the outcome.

FULLSCREEN
    • 52 Comments on "The 10 Commandments of Casual Sex"

    1. PDX Running Chick says:
      Thu, 9th Feb 20125:21 pm 

      Should have read this before I started a couple of FWB relationships. . . LOL. It's good, sage advice, though.

    2. Syd says:
      Thu, 9th Feb 20125:24 pm 

      Sooo true, great advice! Sleeping with guy friends/roommates never turns out well…

    3. Jay says:
      Thu, 9th Feb 20125:50 pm 

      Wish this worked 100% of the time. Last and only fuckbuddy I’ve ever had issues with was supposed to be a guaranteed dead end. Stoner dropkick going nowhere and a couple years younger than me. Then he gets cuddly (first time any fuckbuddies done cuddly) and it turns out he’s a lil goth stoner, intelligent as hell and fun to debate with. Who’da guessed when I met him he’d be the first anyone I get feelings for?

    4. Hates you says:
      Thu, 9th Feb 20126:47 pm 

      Just remember, next time you're having sex that there are strict rules!!! NO CUDDLING. This is sex, not… showing affection… *cough*. ABSOLUTELY NO SHOWING THAT YOU LIKE THE PERSONS PERSONALITY. This is essential.

      Be sure to take notes and while taking it from the big man, get out your notepad and ensure you're not breaking these rules.

      Fucking morons ha

    5. Molly - UNL says:
      Thu, 9th Feb 20127:02 pm 

      The cuddling ALWAYS throws me off. I think I'm there for one reason and then I'm like "Oh so you want to freaking cuddle now?!" Irritating.

    6. guest says:
      Thu, 9th Feb 20128:04 pm 

      Honestly? This is what the articles here have come to…how disappointing. Encouraging this kind of behavior does not empower anyone and things like this usually end in absolute shit. Every relationship, even a casual one, is different. Heaven forbid we develop feelings for someone or worse, have some standards.
      The sex articles used to be informative fun and hilarious, now they are going closer toward trashy. I'm not trying to judge or be irritating (so long as your happy, who cares!), I simply find that FWB always ends with one of the partners getting extremely upset because the relationship didn't go farther. I've had to console quite a few of my friends who had…uh "broke up with"? their FWB (even guys) who claimed not to care about it before it ended.
      Maybe I've only had seen the negative side to all of this.

    7. Virginia says:
      Thu, 9th Feb 201210:05 pm 

      I feel like "don't have ex sex" is missing from this list. I guess it's similar to the rule about not sleeping with friends, but also different because it carries the added temptation of the ex being familiar with what you like, knowing exactly how to get you off, etc.

    8. Lena says:
      Fri, 10th Feb 20121:04 am 

      I liked the no clothes bit. If you're doing to many activities with clothes on, then it's gone to far. Lol!

    9. Anonymous says:
      Fri, 10th Feb 201210:02 am 

      Rule #11: Know if you're capable of having sex without feelings. I've never had casual sex but I've had casual hookups and it is NOT possible for me to avoid feelings even if all of these are followed. Everyone's different but I think a lot of people are unable of taking feelings out of the picture.

    10. Garnet – Columbia University says:
      Fri, 10th Feb 201212:02 pm 

      Ah, so true. As I have unfortunately discovered from experience.

    11. Foxxy says:
      Fri, 10th Feb 20126:53 pm 

      This is so accurate!!! haha Great Great but Great advice!!!

    12. pavan says:
      Sat, 11th Feb 20123:16 am 

      it is toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sexy

    13. TRAYNE says:
      Sat, 11th Feb 20129:22 am 

      RULES ARE FOR PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE A BRAIN OR A CLUE.THE BEST THING IS GO WITH THE FLOW.WHOEVER WROTE THIS ARTICLE WILL DIE COLD AND LONELY.

    14. Michelle says:
      Sat, 11th Feb 20121:24 pm 

      If you don't care about the person you are letting INSIDE YOUR BODY, maybe you shouldn't be having sex with them in the first place. That's what masturbation is for, folks. Using another person is cruel, period.

    15. Farpie says:
      Sat, 11th Feb 20126:47 pm 

      This made me feel a lot better about my casual relationships in the past. We used to discuss it thoroughly to make sure we did not get involved emotionally. In my most recent one it did not work out for him, and we parted. All in all, great advice! As long as no-one is getting hurt there is nothing wrong in having a bit of fun.

    16. Slickmelon says:
      Sun, 12th Feb 201212:37 am 

      You used ME. You were no longer my number 3… (sound of Porsche speeding off)

    17. chappy foote says:
      Mon, 13th Feb 20122:24 pm 

      Hey

      I stumbled upon your poly website and I want to commend you for bringing awareness to the community.

      I have supported and advocated for the poly lifestyle for years now, but my current girlfriend is apprehensive. I love her and feel a deep intimate connection but I don't know if I can continue the relationship if she cannot open up her mind, heart, and soul to this lifestyle I deeply believe in. I feel that you understand how hard it can be to make the transition and I just don't know what to do….

      I would also love you to check out my blog which shares my thoughts on monogamy & polyamory, I think you will enjoy my insights.
      http://www.yoga-madness.com/blog/

      Warmest,

      Chappy Foote

    18. Big D says:
      Tue, 14th Feb 20128:13 am 

      I like the naughty fantasies gig I just wish more wives would come off with that game plan.

    19. Jean Deaux says:
      Wed, 15th Feb 20126:31 pm 

      casual sex IS about not caring who you let "inside your body".

    20. Mike says:
      Thu, 16th Feb 201211:56 am 

      omg michelle…the point of this whole thing is to make sure you don't care. Obviously have standards to a point but besides that BOTH PEOPLE ARE USING EACH OTHER. IT IS MUTUAL. Please get that through your head

    21. Mike says:
      Thu, 16th Feb 201211:56 am 

      you're an idiot

    22. Mike says:
      Thu, 16th Feb 201211:59 am 

      apparently so…it's not encouraging this behavior, it's showing how to do it right without getting hurt. Please take your cold fish, miserable self somewhere else

    23. Jada says:
      Fri, 17th Feb 20121:24 pm 

      Oxytocin is to blame for those ‘fuzzy, want to cuddle’ feelings you get after sex. Its a hormone that bonds you to your partner. If you’re into casual sex, I’d say don’t let it go on for too long with the same person, you’re more than likely going to get attached eventually, its biology!

    24. Amela says:
      Fri, 17th Feb 20128:58 pm 

      As long as there is no personal or emotional attraction
      it does not only need to physical attraction, I couldn't sleep with just ANY hot guy.
      He has to have good qualities & a great personality even if it's for one night.
      Sometimes you can also have a fcuk buddy, a friend just for sex.

      x o
      Amela
      from
      AmelaSandra.blogspot.com

    25. Anne says:
      Mon, 20th Feb 201210:26 pm 

      People should stop setting such rigid rules about what you can and can't do with sexual partners. Everyone needs to informedly negotiate that for themselves. If an interaction with a fuck buddy develops into affection and even love, that's FINE. It's possible to deal with it without having to drop ALL other partners, get married and never fuck anyone else again. Attachment=/=monogamous attachment.

      Commandments for everything: Know yourself, negotiate relationships with respect for everyone involved, work out how to get your needs met, and be kind.

    26. Emily Jane says:
      Thu, 23rd Feb 201210:47 am 

      You raise some interesting points about the differences between guys and girls. I think you're right in that guys go into casual relationships knowing that the girls would never be long-term prospects but I think there is more to it than that. I think guys just have short attention spans and crave recognition so I think this helps to suppress any feelings they may have for the girls as moving on quickly makes them feel superior and stokes their ego. Just my thoughts anyway

    27. fulltimegangsta says:
      Fri, 24th Feb 20128:23 pm 

      Haha just wrote a post about #4 called "Sex-Coma" … No I don't want to cuddle you after sex.

    28. yen says:
      Sun, 26th Feb 20129:23 am 

      so you think you've got all the brains in the world now???this is just an article poses to express what the author thinks,not what the dumbasses people like you thinks….

    29. Jay says:
      Tue, 28th Feb 201212:06 am 

      In my experience this is a recipe for disaster. -_- No offense to people who have casual sex, but I really don't think that female bodies or minds are made for this. Just my opinion.

    30. whiteblacksingles says:
      Sun, 4th Mar 201210:36 pm 

      dating at the site whiteblacksingles.(0m

    31. Jennifer Irocky says:
      Mon, 5th Mar 20128:02 am 

      Some of those ideas are really good- and I've had the whole casual thing before- its fun, and is possible female or male. I find even find its usually the men that can't keep sex separate from the mental and its them that usually says "But I want to BE with you" and then its time to let go.

    32. Aldous Huxley says:
      Mon, 12th Mar 20128:38 am 

      So, we should work hard to make sure our pairings are as empty, meaningless, mechanical, and disposable as possible? Got it. Thanks.

      Why not just buy an inflatable doll? It fits all your criteria perfectly!

    33. Kenneth says:
      Mon, 12th Mar 201211:15 am 

      Oh! So sex has become such a cheap game? I never thought you could unroll such a decalogue of disaster! This recipe is for animals, not human beings!

    34. Maria says:
      Wed, 21st Mar 20122:45 am 

      Humans are mammals. Mammals are animals. Therefore, humans are animals. So technically, this recipe is for human beings.

    35. Maria says:
      Wed, 21st Mar 20122:48 am 

      Unless you are a female that considers herself female, has boobs, and a vagina, I don't think you have any right to speak on this.

    36. Maria says:
      Wed, 21st Mar 20122:52 am 

      If it's consensual, it's not cruel. If you're the type of person that believes it's better with feelings, why are you even reading this?

    37. Maria says:
      Wed, 21st Mar 20122:58 am 

      Because inflatable dolls and toys don't feel as good as the real thing. And if you're one of those people who believes it's better with feelings, then you shouldn't be reading this anyways.

    38. Maria says:
      Wed, 21st Mar 20123:00 am 

      Whoever wrote this is still getting more action than you are if they know what to do and not to do.

    39. hanajima says:
      Wed, 11th Apr 20123:13 am 

      Funny how all the people who scream "I want casual sex", get up in arms when advised to keep the sex…casual.

    40. Alissa says:
      Mon, 14th May 20124:57 am 

      sex is the basis of most relationships. Having really good sex = I want to be with you. Rule 12: make sure the sex is not that good. lmao

    41. Goa Escorts says:
      Wed, 30th May 20128:22 am 

      wow….I am crazy about sex……after sex i feels freshness Goa Escorts

    42. Goa Escorts says:
      Wed, 30th May 20128:25 am 

      wow….I am crazy about sex……after sex i feels freshness Goa Escorts

    43. Tunlese james says:
      Fri, 28th Sep 201210:44 am 

      Will all this solve the problem that we re facing,sex or not which way to go.

    44. Albus says:
      Fri, 26th Oct 20122:18 pm 

      this is a load of crap. this is the sluttiest article i've ever seen.

    45. blogc2011 says:
      Tue, 4th Dec 20123:21 pm 

      He doesn’t get emotional or attached because he chooses a girl he would never get attached to. Is casual sex possible for women? Absolutely. But if we want to enter the same playing field, we have to play by the same rules. Ladies, I give you the 10 Commandments of Casual Sex. Tom Deluca

    46. blogc2011 says:
      Thu, 6th Dec 20129:14 am 

      While some may argue that men have an easier time separating sex and emotion, I don’t believe that is the defining attribute. I think men are just better at picking their casual partners. When a guy says, “Oh, I would never be serious with this girl,” it’s because he means it. 素人動画

    47. Michael Wiener says:
      Tue, 12th Mar 20139:57 pm 

      Reblogged this on Mens Health Log and commented:
      Casual sex is becoming more common these days. However, it seems that men have the power over it and enjoy it while women is left with frustration.

      To enjoy casual sex, here are the 10 Commandments of Casual Sex for women.

    48. Michael Wiener says:
      Tue, 12th Mar 201310:05 pm 

      In addition to that, is natural for most men to have that attribute.

    49. bob says:
      Wed, 13th Mar 20138:35 pm 

      Avoid casual sex, it is poison. especially when you are already in a relationship

    50. Greg L says:
      Tue, 2nd Apr 20136:52 pm 

      I try not to get emotionally attached to anyone, but to be honest the best sex is when you have more than a reasonable amount of emotional investment in someone. Not dependent, but you love them. Just my opinion though

    Tell us what you're thinking...