17 Reasons Why Kate Upton Is Better Than You

Okay, let’s face it — none of us will ever look like Kate Upton except Kate Upton. I am starting to think she was made in a laboratory somewhere because she is just too perfect for words, and no one can be that naturally gorgeous. I actually was talking to my guy friend about her the other day. He was so unenthused about her. “Yeah, I guess she’s hot.” YOU GUESS SHE’S HOT? She’s ridiculously beautiful. I mean, I love me some men, but I probably wouldn’t kick her out of bed. Just sayin’.

Anyways, since her debut on the cover of this year’s Swimsuit Issue of Sports Illustrated, we here at CollegeCandy think that Kate Upton is going to take over the world soon, and there are a bunch of reasons why this model turned actress turned Sports Illustrated cover girl is better than you, me and everybody else.



  1. youreadumbass says:

    the girl's gorgeous but she's not the "perfect woman" and she isn't better than everyone else just b/c she has cool relatives and friends, or bc she's funny and curvy (qualities that many people have). you act like this chick shits diamonds, but she hasn't done anything outstanding besides earning the big bucks for being genetically blessed, which btw, isn't a real achievement. if you told me she was a neurosurgeon and got a 4.0 gpa at stanford, or that she's involved in charities and spends her free time feeding the homeless, then i'd concur. but till that ever happens, kate upton's just an extremely good looking girl who makes money for it. and i'm pretty sure her farts don't smell like fucking roses either.

    1. Sue says:

      Exactly. The problem is society doesn't care about smart women. I actually go to Stanford and I have 2 or 3 high school friends in other universities (including one who is a part of a research team at USC) that I find to be extremely bright, however we don't get a cover (hey, even an article). In this world, looks are everything and this girl is making millions while me and thousands of girls who actually do and achieve really important things don't get any attention…

  2. Tiffani says:

    LOL @ youreadumbass. Great comment. Honestly, physically the only thing she's got going body-wise is a nice bust and hips, other than that she isn't THAT curvy. Her legs are as straight as boards and she has no ass to speak of. She's a pretty blonde face with tits, that's all…

  3. Lisa says:

    One reason i'm better than you: I don't (or try not to) compare myself.
    "Don't compare yourself with anyone in this world … if you do so you are insulting yourself". I am an unique person who takes the education, mathematical technology, simply because I enjoy math. I could never be a model or an actress, but if life had been easy for me I would never have found enjoyment in math (because I avtually first started loving it after highschool, I took a year on a boarding school afterwards). I might complain sometimes because my education is hard, but I love working hard and get a result.
    I do what i want to and love it, if she does what she loves good for her. and if you do what you love its just an amazing fact that the world is one big miracle how amazing is that. Nice post on why Kate is a great person!

    1. Sima says:

      How did this post become about you all of a sudden? I'm just confused. How would you know how great of a person she is?

  4. says:

    seriously college candy, its bad when young women have to listen to other young women slobbering over a supermodel!!!! what is this? i didn't think i was signing up to read maxim when i came to college, never coming back here again by the way. … seriously. .. this is so disappointing

  5. Jordan Richardson says:

    What a sad article. It's saddest when women trample on each other over superficialities, even in possible jest. Articles like this feed into exactly what men want you doing: comparing each other incessantly and competing for that pie in the sky bullshit.

    Kate Upton is not "better" than you because of what she looks like, who she knows, or anything else. Your "article" insists she's "ridiculously beautiful," which just compounds the general sadness you inflict on women to begin with. On a superficial level, she looks like just about every other blonde in the pages of that rag and she will be replaced in your pages by the next hot thing in a matter of weeks – maybe even days. Then you can tell us how that person is better than everyone else.

    1. Patricia says:

      ''On a superficial level, she looks like just about every other blonde in the pages of that rag and she will be replaced in your pages by the next hot thing in a matter of weeks – maybe even days.'' Exactly – remember Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, Mila Kunis?? Haven't really heard about them, it seems that all the craziness around them and their beauty is gone and is soooo last year.

    2. Aiden says:

      It's kinda ironic… all of the actresses you mentioned are brunette. Lol.

    3. Eric says:

      Like anyone gives a shit about hair color.

  6. Ash says:

    What the hell is this? Since when has it become ok for CollegeCandy to degrade their readers by telling them that some girl is better than them simply because she's blonde, has an impressive rack and probably hooked up with the most hated guy around? Nothing against Kate Upton but seriously, there's nothing about her that makes her better than any other girl. I'm sure every girl reading this could just as easily make a list of 17 reasons why they're better than Kate Upton. Stop trying to make young girls compete with supermodels and pick a better topic next time because this is just rubbish.

    1. Patricia says:

      Well, if you have been reading CC lately you must have noticed a downgrade on the quality of their articles… I use to come here to share my college experience with other people, now I have to deal with these articles who ruin everybody's self esteem and try to make everyobdy feel inferior…

  7. Sara Cowsky says:

    This is obviously meant to be funny and not at all taken seriously. CollegeCandy probably assumes its readers are smart enough to understand that.

    1. Kim says:

      Well, if it's meant to be funny, then it shouldn't. I'm tired of people saying dumb shit thinking everybody will be ok with it and won't take it seriously, assuming everyone will be ok with it and not even thinking it can be offensive…

  8. Lochnessa says:

    I find that girls often attempt to feign self confidence by going on about how gorgeous another girl is. This is their way of saying, "Hey guys, I'm so confident that I can appreciate the beauty of other females!" Just like those girls who are "cool" with going to strip clubs or making out with other girls for male attention. You make us all look bad. But at least I can print this out and not have to make a trip to the store for toilet paper.

  9. Abby says:

    She is really pretty, I wouldnt want her body but she is definitely attractive. and if one thing women (and men) all around the world can be grateful for it is her grandfather who invented the washing machine!

  10. tcdh says:

    Who is this? A generic blonde girl. She's not on the list on the top 10 earning models and likely never will be.

  11. mimi says:

    great im a 19yr-old girl and i feel like shit, no joke.

    1. rdftgjybhkjn says:

      she's overrated and has caked on makeup…anyone can look like a model with enough makeup…look it serious…

    2. sarah says:

      don't feel like shit, she's just an ordinary girl with a bunch of make up (photoshop) and too small bras, most celebs look nothing special without all the extras :)

  12. Sima says:

    Not this again.

  13. Sima says:

    Having a minuscule role in a movie does not deem one an "actress"

  14. JAP says:

    wait.. people took this srsly?

  15. add says:

    Yeah, not so impressed. She does have a nice rack but it's only because she's, let's face it, a tad chubby. Only around her middle, though. She's very assless and has no discernible waist.

    1. Naomi Burton says:

      I think people who make comments like this should post their own pictures.

    2. 4389 says:

      I disagree. What does Kate Upton being assless with no discernible waist have to to with what add looks like? add could look like a prolapsed-colon, and Kate Upton would still have a flat ass with chicken legs. So what's your point?

  16. vince says:

    Am I the only guy who noticed one boob is way bigger than the other? She's got the fat gene, in 5 years she'll be a blimp. Nasy teeth and a gummy smile. SORRY – NOT HOT

  17. okkkk says:

    funny article…but I really dont understand why everyone is freaking out about this girl. looks like another kardashian in the making. cant anybody actually DO anything anymore???

  18. Eva says:

    I saw her on letterman like last week cuz I’ve never heard of her before. Poor girl is so dumb. At first I figured it was just nerves, but she was so incoherent it became obvious her IQ is the same as her bust. Hey, we can’t have it all…..that being said she’s cute but really isn’t spectacularly beautiful. If she didn’t have ginormous tits she wouldn’t be a model, let alone on the cover of SI.

  19. Ashley says:

    Well I think this isn't to make anyone feel bad about themselves… I think this is meant to introduce her to us the audience, so when we see her we know who she is. It's like advertisement but done by insecurity is all! It's ok girls anyone can be "hot" if you put in enough work and any girl can also marry rich so then she won't have to worry if someone else has more money/connections. And theres my quick guide to becoming just as awesome if not better than Kate Upton. Your welcome girls.

  20. clyink says:

    She's seriously not that hot. Blonde, yes. Good looking, sure. 17 reasons why she's better than me? Honey, she ain't – and that's what's really attractive. And you know what, I'd say struggling through Orgo is much more commendable than being bent over doggy style in a bikini milking a cow. Just me, though.

    Although, double thumbs up for having "meat" (is that what we're calling not-anorexic, now?) on her bones.

    1. Mason Riley Jackson says:

      Agreed. I mean she's pretty, but most models are anyway. People are going to shut up about her soon like they did Megan Fox. She's just the "it girl" right now…..

    2. Vera says:

      so true, there are so many hot girls and women out there, if you have nothing more to offer than your sexappeal without having something unique you get boring after your 15 minutes of fame and soon will be replaced by another good looking female.

    3. Eric says:

      I seconde that. All you women think she is the rarest thing on earth. Ever heard of photo shop? No one is perfect because no one can be. Stop making other girls feel bad, anyone who "loves" her is pathetic, she is just an image on TVs and magazines, get real people.

  21. Joyce says:

    She has chicken legs. I had said enough.

    1. Jimbo Wales says:

      THANK YOU! Why does(almost) no one notice this??

  22. That girl says:

    *Disclaimer: my list is a parody to the Kate Upton list. Do not take it overly serious!*

    17 reasons why I'm better than her:

    _Adriana Lima was my penpal.
    _I have an awesome husband.
    _I look even better in uniform.
    _I have three last names.
    _I ranked up on my first try (military).
    _I'm from the tropics.
    _I can kill large mammals for consumption (cows, deers, etc).
    _I'm old enough to drink!
    _One of my uncles is a chemical engineer with several patents on his name.
    _I am a comedienne (I had done stand up comedy for financial gain).
    _I can also be serious.
    _I can milk cows for real.
    _My ass is real.
    _I use bras that are my actually MY size (the one she is using in the lingerie picture is like four cups too small; not sexy).
    _I tried for the LFL.
    _I do not do goofy videos like that.
    _Everyone in my family had also served in the military.

  23. That girl says:

    ^typo (it supposed to say "I use bras that are MY actual size")

  24. Candy says:

    awful article.
    you should be ashamed.
    i'm better than her in every 17 ways you mentioned.
    and i feel so sorry about you and your mediocrity.
    you sound like a poor slave with no future.

  25. Ceecee says:

    This article is sickening. So, you like her because she's good looking? Wow. FAIL.

  26. Katherine says:

    So she's better than me because she has blonde hair and huge boobs? Okay then.

  27. Andy says:

    Katie: You're pretty hot too.

  28. S to the G says:

    This is a terribly, pointless article. I think the writer is just feigning "appreciation" for this girl to make up for her own insecurities.

  29. SIll says:


  30. star says:

    i dont think any one liked this article except others that are obsessed with her like you. sounds like you got some insecurities you should learn to love yourself and not idolize things that other people do and have.

  31. jen says:

    aw this is sad…. katie gerrity babe, i hope one day you love yourself wholly as you deserve to! you don't have to be kate upton…."her uncle is in congress" and "she can milk cows" … oh sweetie…those are not valuable personal qualities. you should try not to publish things like this which can negatively affect our developing population of women. it's the opposite of the truth and the opposite of what they (and YOU) need to hear. love yourselves ladies….and whoever thinks kate upton is "chubby" clearly has deep running body image issues themselves.

  32. rannedrop says:

    #14 Aren't her breasts busting out because she is wearing a bra many sizes too small? Hasn't anyone noticed this?

    1. Vera says:

      2 sizes too small at least, i think it looks very trashy…

  33. wow says:

    well that's a great article to make girls feel good about themselves…and feel depressed and like crap. yay.

  34. Frank says:

    Kate Upton does Not at all look like a supermodel. She looks like a maxim or playboy model.

  35. […] when Kate Upton’s Sports Illustrated cover came out, we gave you 17 reasons why Kate Upton is better than you. The post was made in fun, and was meant to celebrate Kate for being a beautiful, confident lady. […]

  36. Eric says:

    All you women think she is the rarest thing on earth. Ever heard of photo shop? No one is perfect because no one can be. Stop making other girls feel bad.

  37. Kalu says:

    let me tell you why men love Kate Upton…..most men do not like thin, flat-chested, too masculine and 'dry' body women….we really love those curvy, has ample boobs size, great ass, a bit of meat and flat belly. That's enough to attract most of the men. About face, they don;t have to be super beautiful but attractive is enough.
    So, for Kate, she has most of the criteria and most importantly, her boobs are genuine, her arm and thigh are feminine, her waist is not small but sexy and flat. That's why she is popular… if she was just a simple model like the rest, no one care so much.

  38. Matt says:

    When she goes to the bathroom, Kate pushes gigantic smelly craps out of her sexy butt…


  40. For Supposedly Smart Beauties says:

    If you find her unhot, including the women who post as men to defame her, why don’t you all post your pictures. I bet you’re much more flabby and uglier and are just jealous pffft. Some people are so…… Ugh.

  41. EM1 says:

    -"Okay, let’s face it – none of us will ever look like Kate Upton except Kate Upton."

    And you can all thank your lucky stars!

    Seriously, this woman is ANYTHING but hot. Big floppy boobs (the ONLY thing she has going for her) and a thick cinder block of a torso supported by thin chicken legs. It boggles the mind that someone with such a misshapen body could land a swimsuit mag cover. (It's not "hating," it's stating the obvious.)

    And in case you're wondering, I'm a 100% hetero MALE.

  42. a7897527 says:

    I’ve said that least 7897527 times. SKC was here…

  43. Gia says:

    Whoever wrote this article needs to get a life and pull your head out of your ass while your at it! Seriously!

  44. eva says:

    she has no ass

  45. LittleDeer says:

    So, being a blonde bimbo that had sex with Kanye West makes her better than me? Haha, riiiight. That's why we don't have a women president YET and won't as long as the epitome of what makes a woman "better than the rest" goes no further than two deflated, saggy milk sacs hanging off of a rib cage. Sorry, she's not better than ANYONE, especially given the reasons you've listed.

  46. This reminds me of that scene in Mean Girls where the girls were fawning over Regina George and how she does car commercials in Japan and has 2 Fendi purses. Lol this has to be a joke.

  47. No one is better than anyone. We are each unique. The title of this article is biased. It proofs the author's insecurities by trying to gain mass attention to a subject that is controversial: the ideal woman body type. Poorly written article.

  48. timetravler says:

    Lol all you guys are funny. Kate must not be that bad if everyone took the time to look at her pic and comment … She hot rich and there’s not a damn thing anyone of us could say that will stop the media nor Kate from doing her thing so you go Kate … People who hate envy and that’s unfortunate … Anyways people need better life’s.

  49. Sam says:

    Better than women like my gf in nursing school who is beautiful and doing something to help people? Nah. :)

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