He Said/She Said: Things I Wish Guys Would Do More

Last week a few of y’all called me out for waving my cynicism flag. Fair enough — at times I can be bitter. We each of us have our sore spots. But this week our topic is a bit more upbeat, so I’ll try to keep the sardonic barbs to a minimum. The thing about writing a weekly column such as this is that it can very easily denigrate into a downright b*tch-fest if you let it. B*tching and moaning each week about the follies and foibles of men can be disheartening and, ultimately, unproductive. So, when contemplating this week’s topic, I decided to take a slightly different view of things. I could punch out a diatribe demanding more cunnilingus and begging for more compliments, but that’s not truly what I want more of from men. So let’s take a look: What do I really want?

-I want more of the good things. All those good things you do? Yeah, I want more.

-I want more nights when we stay up until 5am, talking and laughing.

-I want more of those drunken deep-and-meaningfuls that end in companionable silence and general contentment.

-I want more impromptu dinner dates at the cheap Asian place that turn into hours spent sipping 2-for-1 cocktails, making witty social observations that grow wittier as the night progresses.

-I want more rainy afternoons cuddled on the couch with that movie you said I’d like. I denied it at first, but you’re right, I did like it.

-I want more walks that were ill-advised (flip-flops weren’t made for hiking), but turned out to be the best fun I’d had in a long time.

-I want more of those nice things you say when I’m down, when I self-doubt, when I’m feeling low on confidence.

-I want more of your perspective on life’s problems. Your blunt, to-the-point summations of a crap situation tend to cut through all the layers of anxiety I’ve built up. The clarity is welcome, trust me — sometimes women can’t see the woods for all the trees.

-I want more of those reality checks you give me when I need to be taken down a few notches. Sometimes I need to be told when I’m being an asshole, and if I don’t appreciate it at the time, I certainly do later.

When it comes down to it, fellas, you’re doing a good job. I know us gals aren’t easy to put up with all the time, and we can be hard to please. Maybe we don’t show it or tell you enough, but we really, really appreciate all the good things you do. Men in our lives — be they boyfriends, friends, brothers, fathers or eccentric uncles — make us laugh, comfort us when we’re down, give the best hugs and show us that sweetness and romance are not yet dead, however cynical we might be. So thanks, guys, for all the good things you do. Give us more of the good and we’ll give you the best of us.

Wanna hear what he wishes you would do more? (God help us.) Head on over to COEDMagazine to find out!

[Lead image by aprilante/Shutterstock]



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  2. Katie Garrity - North Central College says:

    I love this so much. I'm kind of in limbo with this guy right now and I just wish I could be like, "HERE READ THIS PLEASE." This is so spot on for me as a female. It's not about the diamonds and the presents and material things. It's about the cuddling and the talking and the laughing. Great piece, girl.

  3. the dominator says:

    -I want more of your perspective on life’s problems. Your blunt, to-the-point summations of a crap situation tend to cut through all the layers of anxiety I’ve built up. The clarity is welcome, trust me — sometimes women can’t see the woods for all the trees.
    thing is though, when we do that, we can almost count on getting the look followed by an earful for it and then possibly the silent treatment.
    a catch22 if there ever was one.

    1. Jim says:

      I can tell you, from having done this myself many times, that it has around a 5% success rate.

  4. I must really be in touch with my feminine side because that's what I want. Isn't this what all humans really want or need, except possibly for sociopaths?

  5. A Guy says:

    Sorry to rain on your optimism and gratitude but you CAN’T have more of the above. The fact that these are special and meaningful events for you is that they are rare. They are few and far between. If they happened more often these events would be more like a guy taking out the garbage. Not so much a “Gosh, that was a great time, hon” as a look of disregard as the guy walks back in the house with garbage pail in tow.

    Appreciate these days and events for what they are – the great moments that stitch our otherwise unremarkable days together. They are the sprinkles on the cupcake, the rainbow after the rain. A rainbow wouldn’t be special if it happened every morning in the shower.


  6. Lucy says:

    -I want more nights when we stay up until 5am, talking and laughing.

    Very true, thank you for the good memory reminder. As for the person who said they were not as meaningful if there were more, I disagree. Long term relationships sometimes lose some of this honeymoon phase moments, but sometimes you get a few in a week instead of once a month. So nice to have more fun.

  7. Lisha says:

    all those things you talk about do happen but they dont happen everyday – which is quite fair, because sometimes we are too busy looking the other way we miss them that opportunity. i almost lost my relationship recently because of the hard stress life causes us sometimes we could not see what was happening although we could feel it but we both carried on thinking we will get the time to figure this out and it almost was to late. he had the trailer here ready because i was so stubborn to tell him how i really felt and all i was fosused on was getting him to tell me how he felt. Girls we have to stop waiting stop sitting around wondering when something like that will happen. Get off you butt and tell him how you feel, show him take him out for dinner and a walk just stop waiting for it to happen to you..

  8. Mordi says:

    This is such a load of crap. Who actually does these things, or acts this way? I mean really?? Where does this actually happen except with pretentious asswipes that need to stay out of my universe because of all the bullshit loaded from watching way too many romantic comedies and reading too much cosmo. None of these things are really relative to your life at all, whatsoever, save for the painfully broad and vague ones like "more of the good things" OH, fantastic, glad you summed that up for us. And drunken meaningful deep-and-meaningfuls…..really? You wouldn't want ACTUAL deep and meaningfuls? No, you just want to get shitfaced and think that last conversation you just had was so philosophically stimulating and that you are SUCHa genius when in reality people around you just want to "accidentally" open their car door directly into your face? I think you're delusional and totally out of touch with reality and have some fantastical fairy-tale illusion topped off with a naive expectation of what you THINK love, men, romance and "good times" are supposed to be.
    As a woman, and as a woman who thinks she is a pretty bad-ass good catch……..don't mean to sound like a narcissistic bitch, but I think it's pretty true – this is why men turn out to be so chauvinistic and have such delusions about what "real" women are, or what they think the stereotypical "woman's response" to things is going to be.
    Stop pigeon-holing yourself into a misguided cliche that women have damsel-in-distress knight in shinning armour complexes that just leave us as hollow, shallow insignificant shells of romance and whimsey instead of actually caring about real-life issues, and a deeper, more meaningful definition of what love and intimacy is instead of just unfounded "romance" that really just makes us look cheap, dumb, unrealistic, and high-maintenance.

  9. Linda says:

    Most immature and ridiculous thing I have seen in years. Of course, being 43, I haven’t read Cosmo in a very long time. Out of curiosity, I linked here from
    Sure, some of his things he wishes women would do more are superficial and predictable, but I don’t think my 40-year old DH would be disagreeing that more morning sex would improve his life, actually. Sorry hon, but your list is…so… UGH. ok, cuddling – it’s actually important to relationships, and compliments, yes, building each other up, especially at just the right moment, also important… but the rest of it? Ridiculous romantic twaddle that has nothing to do with improving a real relationship. at. all.

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  12. lucy says:

    love this post..very touching. is a free healthy living and fitness website.
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