11 Rules for Making the First Move

Tired of waiting around for him to notice you? Despite years of Disney’s social conditioning, it’s time to enter the reality that is the modern dating scene. Prince Phillip doesn’t exist, girls, and you’re not a princess. For all the other areas of society that women are dominating, why should we shy away from approaching a romantic endeavor with a similar gusto? Why don’t we ask him out? Common reasons include: fear of rejection, laziness, society’s insistence that he should chase you. Can we all just relax? He’s not approaching you for the very same reasons: fear of rejection, laziness, the pressure from society’s insistence that he has to pursue you. If I waited on every guy I noticed to approach me, I might as well join a convent.

So how do you do it? In order to really understand how men would like to be approached, I hand selected 15 able gentlemen to question. These are exactly the kinds of guys you want to date: smart, successful, funny and beautiful.  The first thing I wanted to know was, “Do guys want to be approached by women, or is it emasculating?” Every single guy said they are on board if it’s done the right way. Here’s what a few of them had to say:

“Honestly, a girl putting herself out there in any way and being even a little aggressive is very attractive to me, ’cause I think guys are used to having to be the aggressor. I’d say any kind of extra attention makes it obvious a girl is interested.” — Tim

“I’m not really one to approach girls. I usually need to have about 8 liters of booze in me before I make a move. When I do it’s usually weird (surprise) and/or sloppy. I’m a huge advocate of women making the first move instead of waiting for the guy – it will save you a ton of time finding someone.” — Neal

“If you like a guy? Go freaking talk to him, he may have no idea you are interested in him, or think you may never be. When a pretty girl comes up to me and starts a conversation, I listen.” — Mitch

“Should a girl walk up to me and strike up the conversation, it doesn’t matter to me who started it if the conversation’s interesting, and there’s chemistry. To add to that, if there IS some chemistry, she gets uber, super-hero kudos points for being the one that started it.” — Chris

After interviewing all of the men thoroughly, I’ve put together a strategy on how to successfully make the first move. This walks you through your appearance, attitude and execution. While I can’t ensure this will land you a date 100 per cent of the time, I can say it will never leave you with regret.

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  1. Katie Garrity - North Central College says:

    I hate when girls dumb themselves down for a guy because they think he'll think they're "cute". No. Be smart! Intelligence is sexy too!

    1. Garnet – Columbia University says:

      I still remember the very first time I noticed a girl doing that. It was in middle school! Still makes me sad to think about.

    2. Occam's Tool says:

      Katie—men who aren't considering women they date as mother material for their future kids are lying to themselves. I'm a genius, and I married one, and I knew she was when I was dating her. You are absolutely correct.

  2. Ashley- GWU says:

    The 3 D's should definitely be avoided…to keep him interested and save you from embarrassing yourself!

  3. April says:

    No way to argue with any of those tips. You're helping many men (and women) out with this one :)

  4. Lena says:

    My problem is that I don't feel like I have anything interesting to say. But thanks for the tips. Can we add some lines? I'm socially challenged.

    1. Anonymous says:

      Me too. Hint, hint, future blog post on this please?

    2. Jenny University of Texas says:

      On it! Check back in soon! xoxo

    3. Occam's Tool says:

      Lines: See any movies lately? What do you like to read?

      Men are simple beasts, with dreams of wine and women, and the sea.

  5. Good advice for men. If only they took them into account.

  6. […] the post I did about how to successfully approach a man of interest, a few of you mentioned that your biggest concern was having nothing interesting to […]

  7. […] awkward. We continued the topic today with tips to help a girl make that first move. In fact we had 11 ways for making the first move thanks to We all agreed that read is a phenomenal color that gets […]

  8. […] normal for the female to make the first move. I recently wrote an article on how women should approach a guy that they are interested in. I then took that a step farther and gave a list of specific ways to […]

  9. maria says:

    Sooo he might not mind the wait, but what if I do?

  10. Gem says:

    Not only will it possibly get you a date (when you make the first move), it might even get you married (it happened to me!)…I agree with the suggestions don't come on too strong and make sure you have a good and interesting opening line (i.e., if you notice that he seems into sports, at least know SOMETHING about the team he likes, even if you have to read up on it or ask your guy friends for conversation starters!)

  11. MetaMcart says:

    laziness, society’s insistence that he should chase you. Can we all just relax? He’s not approaching you for the very same reasons:

  12. sharpay sunshine says:

    I don’t think I would make the first move I will just show interest and not asking him out by doing that he is definitely make a move or ask me out

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