Sexy Time: Porn Bores Me

    Posted in Guys, Lifestyle, Love

Porn tends to provoke intense reactions when one brings it up in conversation. Generally, people fall into two categories – those who are super enthusiastic and those who utterly despise everything about it. I completely understand both sides of the coin. I totally get the appeal of watching people fornicate – it’s a bit scandalous, has the potential to be informative/inspiring and, if you find the participants attractive, it’s a way to live out a fantasy. Sure, why not? Alternatively, porn can be abhorrent for a variety of reasons – whether it offends your moral sensibilities, your feminist sensibilities or your “no-woman-should-have-that-much-silicone-in-her-body” sensibilities, there are a lot of justifications for hating porn.

I, on the other hand, am ridiculously neutral. I’ve watched a bit of porn in my day – celebrity sex tapes, professional pornos and amateur attempts. I’ve watched straight, gay, lesbian, threesome, BDSM, interracial and more. I’ve watched it solo and with the boyfriend. But nothing ever clicks. I always feel so detached from the action that’s on screen. It doesn’t evoke much of anything from me, mentally or physically. I thought it would be something that I grew to like, but after 6 or 7 years of sporadic viewing, that has proven to not be the case.

Part of it is that most porn is geared towards men and what men apparently like. Because for some reason, porn studios still haven’t figured out that women enjoy sex and would also enjoy watching others have sex. The thing that really turns me off of porn is the lack of intimacy. It’s all really…base. If there is dialogue, it’s really stilted, and because they’re on camera, everything is really contrived and calculated for maximum (male) viewing pleasure. The moans, the grunts, the orgasms…I never pick up even a vestige of sincere arousal. It’s so not at all human. I’ve always valued a sincere connection in my sex life. When I was doing things with guys who didn’t really care at all about me, I always felt a little disgusting and a lot devalued. I’ve never been able to buy into the idea that one can have great, passionate sex with someone that you only view as a collection of attractive body parts.  But that’s the fantasy that porn is selling. I’m not going to go into porn being responsible for completely ruining everyone’s perception of what sex should be like, because many of the people I know who are into porn are thoughtful and sex-positive. I just wish that porn was more substantial. Is that so completely delusional?

[Lead image Karin Hildebrand Lau/Shutterstock]

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