One Month Challenge: I’m Giving Up Masturbation, Week 2

The most difficult week of my life has passed. Am I being melodramatic? Only slightly. However, I’m proud to say I haven’t relapsed and got it on with myself or any phallic objects! Yayy! My success thus far has encouraged me to rule out sex altogether. You read that right: I will be totally celibate for these 30 days. Not just masturbation, NO SEX with anyone, especially myself. Why? What is wrong with me? Have the built up hormones made me crazy? Likely! I’ll take you on a day by day account of what has happened so far in Week 1 of the challenge.

Day 1: As soon as the clock struck midnight, I was taunted by my friends about the challenge. “Haha, April! Your personal Hell starts NOW!” …Thanks, guys. Just the reminder of the challenge made me hypersensitive for the rest of the night. I was suddenly aware of the 8 handsome bearded gentleman in the bar surrounding us. The whiskey I was drinking began to warm me up in places I was planning on keeping cool… Sleep could not come soon enough. Later in the day, I noticed a handsome older gentleman standing directly in front of me on the bus. I was eye level with his penis and could think of nothing else. My best friend Jenny came over and hid Dr. Lovegood (and a few his friends) and has refused to tell me where they reside until the challenge is over. Aren’t best friends great? Virtually everything in the first day made me think of sex: Jennifer Lawrence on the cover of Glamour, attractive randoms on the street, a French restaurant reminded me of a hot Parisian I made out with once… Even this sign:

Day 2: I had committed to working 15 hours this day, which amazingly helped to keep my mind off of sex. Also, I witnessed a young woman have a seizure early on in the day. She was luckily okay, and it put my trivial challenge into perspective which squelched my sexual desire for the day.

Day 3: I opened my laptop in the morning, which made me think of masturbating… I slowly backed away from the computer and went on an hour run around the park. Did the run help? Well, habitually when I get home from a good workout, I like to reward myself with a quick stroke sesh. I opted for a cold shower instead. SO from now on when I get home from a good workout, to avoid getting happy with my hands, I head directly for the shower.

Day 4: Someone advised I try yoga to relax. I’ve done it a few times and couldn’t remember any erotically charged yoga sessions, so I tried it out. Unfortunately, many of the yoga positions reminded me of sexual ones which just frustrated me. Luckily, by the end of the hour I was really relaxed and had no urge to touch myself. UNTIL I watched a particularly funny episode of Portlandia… One of the characters wanted to a try a vibrating ring in bed, and just the sound of the vibration got me excited. I immediately changed the channel.

Day 5: I threw out my Victoria’s Secret catalogues and took out my frustration at the gym. I have increased my thirty minute workouts to full hour sweat fests. This change was necessary. Luckily, there weren’t many challenges at work this day, and I was completely fine until I noticed just how much I wanted to rub my friend Tim’s beard. I REALLY like facial stubble and his was a particularly sexy length this evening. He offered to let me scratch it, but knowing my limits I had to refuse and walk away in order to compose myself. Surrounding myself with attractive men is really going to work against me this month.

Day 6: This day was full of temptation. Apparently there was a hot guy convention at my gym, because it was packed with yummy man morsels. I made a grocery list in my head instead of thinking about their biceps. I went to a show which would have been fine if good music didn’t turn me on (it does). More temptation came later when I had to ride on a particularly sexy friend’s lap in a packed van. At least I will have tons of material in the spank bank when the challenge is over.

Day 7: Too many errands to think about sex. Yay!

Tons of people have offered some valuable advice  this past week and recommended many activities to help me ease some of the tension that has been brewing in my nether regions.

“Go skydiving. It’s the closest you’ll get to an orgasm without sex.”

“Fight some people. That’ll help ease the tension.”

“Take up some hobbies- Make a new recipe every day. Learn to knit. Learn a new language.”

“Go to a shooting range. That would be hot.”

“Just hide. Go into a cave and hide. That’s the only way you’ll make it.”

An interesting component of the challenge is that I’ve recieved an influx of male attention. Several guy pals have messaged me about the article, generally followed by a request to hang out in the near future. Apparently my celibate vag is a hot commodity now… Awesome.



  1. David Rubin says:

    This is foolish. Obstaining from sex is wise, but obstaining from masturbation has no benefits. It's like obstaining from using your left hand.

    1. miss says:

      Maybe it's just something she wants to try. Just because it has no benefits doesn't mean it's stupid.

    2. Cass says:

      The condescension might work more if you could spell "abstain." Anyway, whatever, she's got her reasons for doing it.

    3. Kate says:

      Sometimes constantly getting off kind of gets in the way of everyday life.

  2. andrewseher says:

    I don't really get this challenge, either, but whatevs. Made for an entertaining rezad

    1. subsonic says:

      what the fuck is a rezad?

  3. anna says:

    Jeez, you're definition of horny.

  4. ACM says:

    Woman, you have some problems… Stroke sesh?? Really?? Calm yo-self!!

  5. lauren says:


    1. couldntdoit says:

      I hope you're joking…

  6. couldntdoit says:

    Good God I admire your conviction…good luck keeping that up!

  7. Abby says:

    Think it is important for everyone to cut down every once in a while on something they do excessively. No matter what it is, it shows self restraint and that alone is admirable.

  8. hdtrailers says:

    i have not understand this article

  9. kate says:

    i cant believe no one else finds this as funny as i do! i loved this article. good luck to you :) obviously the people hating have never had a good vibe haha props to you for giving up something that you say you do too often. if someone wrote this article about giving up facebook they wouldnt be getting the same reactions. im looking forward to reading the future weeks

  10. Cecil Westervelt says:

    One must abstain from both sex and sexual activity, or the point i lost. Granted, for a female, who has little to no sexual need compared to a man, this is a breeze. Don’t freak people, it is a fact, men have more sexual hormones than women. In comparison it’s like saying a Saint Bernhard is huge, even when it is sitting on an elephant.

    Abstaining from the attention she receives from men, the being wanted, will end up being harder by the end of the first month.

    I also like how post celibate women have a slightly different perspective on just how ok it is to use sex to obtain things, or withholding it as a power play.

    I do commend you Ms. I wish you nothing but the best in your endeavors.

    1. Kate says:

      "Little to no sexual need compared to a man"? Oh really. Tell that to my constantly wet, horny vag. I can barely go half a day without getting off, let alone a month.

    2. djnemec says:

      I'd ignore pretty much anyone that turns a conversation from "the difficulties of not masturbating" into "you're just getting turned on by attention from men".

    3. subsonic says:

      Ha! What a perfect display of ignorance.

  11. Bob Va says:

    Marxists are running the country, gas is $4 a gal, the economy is on the crapper, yet you think THIS CRAP is worthy of attention? There goes the country.

    1. subsonic says:

      jesus bud, go back to fox news: haters gonna hate

  12. Xavier says:

    I definitely admire you! I have tried to do this a lot of times but I've just made it until week 2 then I have sex with someone and then the masturbations come back, I really hope you make this :)

  13. Cler says:

    Wishing you success! Doesn't matter if this is important to the masses, its important to you. I have tried, just have no will power and its just too good to give up. I can tell you to beware. If you are not in a committed relationship during this self test you will jump bones/friends with benefits easier and more often so get someone lined up!! Good luck.

  14. Holding out says:

    Funny I came across this as I’m sitting in a hot bath surfing the net. I’m on day 22. I’m a married man that has strayed FAR off the path and cutting out my magic moments helps me lower attention to all the beauties I pass daily. Wow is it hard, I mean difficult. But it is interesting to know that there are women out there that keep it on their mind as I do. I just didn’t marry one of them. Stay strong!!!

  15. Cecil Westervelt says:

    Kate, I am not saying you don’t have sex drive, I am just saying the science indicates the levels of libido inducing hormones in men are monumental by comparison.

    Also, whether anyone likes it or not, and the young lady doing this experiment will discover it to be true, women absolutely get as much from the attention as they do from the actual sex itself. She will see that without sex involved the interactions with males and females change, and she has absolutely exploited sexual sway over men, often just for attention. There is no judgement there what so ever, women are just more inclined to see the fawning and efforts of potential suitors as a reward in itself. This is why women seek out weeks of psychological foreplay, men seek out sex. There is much debate as to whether such inclinations are culturally or biologically imperative.

    Imagine for a moment, that no-one ever treated you like a sexually desirable being again. They proffered no intentions, no free drinks, no compliments. Nothing. This part tends to hit the celibate ladies I have known like the 8 day blues tend to strike men.

    MY WIFE decided she should comment on this. Our opinions differ a bit ::

    During high school boys really only gave attention to me when we were having sex. I was willing to have sex with them mostly for the attention. I wasn’t really in tune with my body, so I didn’t know how great sex could be.

    It wasn’t until I was in my twenties that I started getting a shitload of attention. Then, when I was around men all the time who were sexually interested in me, I realized what I was missing in my interactions with men in terms of both sex and the attention that seemed to fuel an improvement in my self esteem.

    I think that she’ll miss both, but she’ll learn that she misses the interactions that she has with men when they want to have sex with her more. Those interactions and friendships that develop when men initially wanted to have sex with me, often blossoms into great friendships. Had they not wanted me, the interaction would’ve been less likely. That’s not to say I had sex with all of them, I certainly didn’t, but it is a great form of gravity.

    1. Terry says:

      Kate, Cecil and his wife make some good points, my guess is they are a few years older then you. When you get older ad start having a family you will find that the actual act of having sex will become less of a focal point for you. As a happily married man with three children and a schedule for the the whole family that would make your head spin, it's the small things that we do for each other that keeps the intimacy alive. The actual having sex for us is the bonus. Don't get me wrong we both still have a very strong sex drive, it's just that there isn't always time, so i suggest you enjoy your freedom to unleash your desires when ever you can cause there will come a time when there just won't be that freedom!

  16. euphoricrage666 says:

    i already envy the orgasm you'll have on day 31 !!!! haha lovely article….can't wait to read the last 10 days…

  17. Getting bored says:

    Yawn, wake me up on the 30th day and then I really want to hear all about it. Have you tried 2 guys at once? It would be quite a way to get back in the saddle. Make it 3 if you are really brave: it's a bit overwhelming at first but I promise you won't regret it!

    1. Paganpusher says:

      You miss are a beast! And why not? Dying from boredom beats dying from any of the ailments that may come your way so I say fuck on! 12 on 1 and it isn't a bad rehash of a vietnam flick then go for it!

  18. Lake Minnetonka says:

    Did you try putting a ring on your finger, that usually works. Seriously though this is so pointless, your sexual desires won’t last forever, enjoy them while you can.

  19. I wish you luck on your challenge.

  20. Matilda says:

    Wel i tink its kul.i’ve tryd dat kople of tyms.jst un masturbatn.dnt wana hav sex yet.weird?i gues its ma decision

  21. MPP says:

    when you get older like 30 years old you'll wished you had more sex becoz these people won't let me and others have sex now it's bean too long because of them people…. crooks in gov't

  22. Paganpusher says:

    Abstain from everything and then you'll impress. It takes a high building or high caliber but you'll undoubtedly receive the attention you are seeking. If you are seriously looking for a low profile don't post soft-core shit on the internet. Go big or go home. Celebrating yourself isn't shameful it's Godlike.

  23. Joel says:

    She's totally fake

  24. a.j.wolmacky says:

    I'M 63 and available right now. So get off this not doing anything and call me….a.j.Wolmack

  25. Philip says:

    All I know is,
    1. How do I get ahold of this woman
    2. How do I get ahold of Kate, the horny commentator

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