Ask A Dude: Am I More Sexual Than Him?

March 21, 2012 3:00 pm     Posted in Advice, College, Reality, Relationships, Sex  The Dude g+ page


By The Dude

What can a girl do if she’s more sexual than her guy? I never thought I would run into this problem, but I guess there’s a first to everything. I think I like sex more than the guy I am dating. Any time I am with him, I am totally turned on. That doesn’t mean I am constantly trying to get into his pants, but I can’t help that I’m super attracted to him. He would be totally fine having sex one or two times a week. Is he not sexually attracted to me? Is it possible that he’s just not that sexual? How do I talk to him about it?

Sincerely,

Girl With a High Sex Drive

Dear Girl With a High Sex Drive

Yes, it’s possible that he’s just not that sexual. No, it’s not possible he’s not sexually attracted to you since, well, he’ll have sex twice a week with you. Which is something. A bit below average for a hot and heavy honeymoon period, granted, but something. I hate to say it, but you in fact may be more sexual than him. Hey, it DOES happen.

There’s this prolifically far reaching and ever present stereotype that men are horndogs. We can’t get enough of it. We’re sex obsessed and possibly sex crazed. We crave it and are up for it anytime, anywhere, and, depending on our blood alcohol level, would be willing to have it with just about anyone with a vagina. Unless we’re bi and then just anyone with a hole. Do you hear that little pop? That’s the sound of me bursting the sit-com purported bubble.

There are guys out there who are in fact not completely driven by their libido. There are guys out there who do not think sex is the only thing that…well, matters. They DO exist. And you found one. And they’re not obsessed with sex for similar reasons that anyone might not be: low testosterone level, crappy past sexual experiences, abusive childhood, actually being a robot-TAKE YOUR PICK!

There’s a super easy way to talk to him about this: You say, “Look, this might just be me, it might be nothing, but I want to bring it up in case it’s not nothing.” Make it clear you’re not attacking him. Just wanting to be on the same page. If you approach it like that, you’re not going to be emasculating him. If he takes it that way, well, that’s an indication of a fragile libido ego…which is a whole different column to write about.

Protect and serve,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

6 Comments on "Ask A Dude: Am I More Sexual Than Him?"

  1. Jasper says:
    Wed, 21st Mar 201210:48 pm 

    Honestly I think girls are on average more sex obsessed than us guys. For example let's take a look at gender specific entertainment. For women it's all fucking romance! It all has to do in some way, shape or form with finding love/sex.
    Now men's entertainment revolves around superpowers, magic, fighting, weapons, robbing banks, or whatever ridiculous awesomeness that you can think of, maybe a small love interest/sex scene here and there but not often is it a centerpiece of the story.

    What are your opinions?

  2. Anti-Stereotypes says:
    Thu, 22nd Mar 201212:58 am 

    I disagree with how you are using movies to break sexual labels. Women movies can range from Mr. and Mrs. Smith action films to something more emotional like The Notebook. That doesn't automatically mark us as more sexual because the market is relationships. Not saying that women don't enjoy sex, we do! But in your commercials and movies it advertises the hot half naked woman in everyone of your "superpower, magic, fighting, weapons, robbing banks" movies. Movies HEAVILY rely on stereotypical naked woman in male movies and a serious relationship in woman movies.

    So, I don't know why you would use movies as an example. Thanks!

  3. The Dude says:
    Thu, 22nd Mar 201210:48 am 

    Totally have to agree with you on this one about women in entertainment being far more sexualized. If there's not a girl wearing a tank top or a skin tight leather catsuit in those action films, guys feel let down according to expectations we've been conditioned to have. I think men are more sex obsessed and there could be an argument that women are more intimacy obsessed. Thoughts?

  4. Katie Garrity - North Central College says:
    Thu, 22nd Mar 20122:52 pm 

    I think that sums it up pretty well. Women crave intimacy more while men crave just the plain old act of sex more. There's obviously exceptions to this, but for the most part, I think you're onto something there.

  5. The Dude says:
    Mon, 9th Apr 201211:19 am 

    Thanks, Katie! Glad to find some common ground between the genders on this one.

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