This Post Grad Life: Have I Ever Been In Love?

March 21, 2012 2:00 pm     Posted in Reality, Relationships  Brittany - University of Saint Thomas g+ page


By Brittany

I have a confession to make. (I really end up making a lot of those on here, don’t I?)

I’ve been in a lot of relationships. Those of every kind. Relationships that end dramatically. Relationships where he was too obsessed. Relationships where I was too obsessed. Relationships that were bittersweet and suddenly went horribly sour. Relationships where the chemistry was boiling over like macaroni bubbles on a hot burner. Relationships where the chemistry was equal to my chemistry with a wool blanket or a lampshade. Ok, fine. I’m procrastinating my confession.

I don’t think I’ve ever been in love.

I’m 24-years-old and I don’t think I’ve ever been in love.

Sure, I’ve had that high school romance where I didn’t think life would go on if we let things go. When we broke up and I was 16, I remember falling to my knees and crying. It was that dramatic. I want to pass that up as innocent love, the kind that you swiftly get over with time and look back at it like a small blip on your life radar.

I’ve also had that quick college relationship where things were a little more passionate than my previous relationship. I knew a more about my emotions and how to handle myself. My heart had been around the block once already and was a little more guarded than before. Even so, when it ended, I was so heartbroken that I curled up into a hollow dent in my couch and laid there for days. I felt so sorry for myself for SO long. And then with a snap of my emotional wand, I felt 100% again.

That’s why I don’t think I’ve ever been in love. Aren’t you supposed to NEVER get over true love? I mean, I don’t expect myself to mope around like a homeless person for years on end. I just expect that small burning flicker of love to remain for the ones I’ve been with. But it’s not there. I’ve completely put every splash of water on my relationships and let them burn out eventually. True love isn’t suppose to do that in my mind.

And now, I feel like I’m missing out on something. That unconditional, do-anything-for-you, diehard love. I’m sitting here at my kitchen table with the sincere belief that I haven’t found that with someone yet. So what does it mean?

Well, I don’t have a precise answer, only a vague idea. But for some reason, I’m okay with this fact. To risk sounding cheesy and ridiculous, love is very fragile. And that deep-felt love shouldn’t be given freely and can’t be found with everyone.

I make a lot of mistakes. I speed relationships up too soon. I put the breaks on them too late (etc., etc., etc.). But with true love, I have no choice — and it’s the most authentic feeling in the entire world — and you just kinda have to give yourself up to it.

So I’ll be patient. I have that deep love for my family and friends right now. And until I find a man deserving enough for a slice of my non-practical emotion…I’ll revel in what I do have.

Have you ever been in love? How did you know it was real love, and not just temporary lust/infatuation? Am I totally hopeless?

[Lead image via Manuel Fernandes/Shutterstock]

9 Comments on "This Post Grad Life: Have I Ever Been In Love?"

  1. Katie Garrity - North Central College says:
    Wed, 21st Mar 20123:55 pm 

    I think a lot of the time we look back on past relationships and trick ourselves into thinking that we weren't in love, but maybe we were. When I was dating my last boyfriend, I was convinced I was so deeply, madly in love, but now that it's been a couple years and I've come to terms with the fact that our relationship actually sucked, I question if I ever was. Plus, when you meet someone else who intensifies the feelings we thought we had for a past love, we're like, "Whoa, I thought THAT was love?" So sometimes I question it to, but I think what it boils down to is this: if you are not 100% sure that you were in love, you probably weren't.

  2. Britt says:
    Thu, 22nd Mar 201212:06 am 

    I think you just read my mind/summed up my past as well. I agree 100% with you. I don't know if I've ever truly been in love, but I do believe it was a form of love. I still care about those people but I am SO happy I never ended up with them. Ultimately I think TRUE LOVE is wanting something more for someone else and seeing them be happy rather than having them and being happy yourself. I am however to eventually find my true love, and I know when I do it will be easy, not complicated and imperfectly perfect. Although I do believe in true love I do also believe true love takes work and if your willing to fall out of love then you never truly loved them in the first place….

  3. Anonymous says:
    Thu, 22nd Mar 20121:06 pm 

    I don't know that I agree with your assessment of true love. I tend to think that truly being in love is more about the commitment than any mushy feeling- you see the person for who they really are (flaws and all) and care about them enough to stay with them. Yeah, strong feelings have to be involved and you have to have a certain amount of chemistry to be attracted to them in the first place, but true love ultimately is about having your partner's back no matter what, even on days when you don't necessarily like them.

  4. that girl says:
    Thu, 22nd Mar 201210:55 pm 

    Ive never been in love either im 18,but ive have really liked someone and ive also thought i wouldnt be able to move on and i curled up in bed stopped eating for weeks and stopped caring and just wanted to sleep and be laying down i stopped talking to other people i really changed but now even though i miss him alott i realized that if he woulda really loved me like he said he did and if i woulda been his world like he said i was he wouldnt of hurt me like he did,like he pinky promised he wouldnt,but i guess the only reason i thought i wouldnt be able to keep living without this person was because i got so used to spending time with him and he lied to much too me i dint even remeber how reality actually felt he had me wrapped up in his fkkn finger that when i unwrapped i came back to the REAL world, back to being alone and keep getting heart broken till i find the One Love of My Life.

  5. Gidget says:
    Thu, 22nd Mar 201211:46 pm 

    I'm 24 as well and have only dated 2 guys.
    One when I was 15, that did not last long at all.
    And the guy I have been with for almost 2 years.
    While I love him and some days I feel in love with him, I'm not sure if it is this thing called "true love".
    I'm sure I'd recognize it if I found it, but for now I am happy to be in a loving relationship.

  6. Jaime says:
    Tue, 27th Mar 201210:11 am 

    True Love is the fact that today would have been 4years, and my first love text me this morning to tell me he loves me.. & i said "i love you too" When he has a month old baby at home, with his ex girlfriend.. True Love is the fact that he will nvr love her the way he loves me & he is confident in telling me that even tho we knows shes who he will "end up with", bc we can now nvr be.. True love is the power he holds in my heart although i woke up to a man this morning, tht im very much in love with !!

    Might sound wrong but sometimes love just isn't enough. bt true love DOESNT die, True love doesnt mean being together 4ever.. bt eternally tht person is in ur heart, & you CARE hw they turn out,

Tell us what you're thinking...