Friday Faves: Is The V-Card All It’s Cracked Up to Be?

March 23, 2012 12:00 pm     Posted in Relationships, Sex  Candy -- NYU g+ page


By Candy

Remember the days when a chaste woman wore a white wedding gown and saved herself for the honeymoon? Me neither. Times are changing, and so are society’s views on sex. Just look at prime-time television.

Gone are the days when the big Dawson’s Creek episode was the one that kept everyone glued to the screen trying to guess whether it was Joey and Jack, Pacey and Andy, or Dawson and Jen who finally took their relationship to the next level (remember that one?). Instead, we’ve got Blair and Chuck’s one night stand in the back of a limo (definitely remember that one!).

Outside of the small screen, relationships in the real world are dwindling. “Dating” is becoming a thing of the past, and casual sex is flourishing. The value of the once-prestigious “first time” isn’t such a big deal for many of us as it was for our mothers, aunts, or even our older sisters. Hell, my first time was not the stuff that teen romances are made of, but I walked away without any permanent emotional scars and afterward. Since it was out of the way, I was able to make better choices regarding who I chose to sleep with.

And yet, I couldn’t help but be surprised when my younger cousin proudly announced that sex was one of her favorite activities (albeit with a steady boyfriend, but still). Just a few years age difference, and there’s still a difference in our mindsets.

Sure, there are still plenty of people out there who put a lot of pride into their virginity, and hold out for a long time. There are still plenty of cherries being popped in the honeymoon suite, after all. But our society’s views on sex can send out mixed signals. People who haven’t found “the one” by a certain age begin to feel alienated by their more-promiscuous peers. Nobody wants to be likened to the Forty-Year-Old Virgin, do they?

I don’t think it’s such a big deal. In fact, I think that once you’ve lost it, you can start to enjoy sex, be adventurous, and learn about your partner’s (and your own) body. Why wait for such a wonderfully erotic experience?

That said, I’d like to know: how many CollegeCandy readers out there expected rose petals and fireworks when they finally relinquished their v-card? Furthermore, how many of you just gave it up because you were curious? Whatever the less-than-fairy-tale way we may or may not have lost it, I’m willing to bet that hardly any of us walked away tarnished with a Scarlet Letter.

13 Comments on "Friday Faves: Is The V-Card All It’s Cracked Up to Be?"

  1. Gina says:
    Fri, 23rd Mar 201212:52 pm 

    It's really sad dating is a thing of the past and people are willing to be physically intimate with total strangers

  2. Anonymous says:
    Fri, 23rd Mar 20125:36 pm 

    It's really sad that we have sluts posting articles on a well-known website encouraging sex with strangers.

  3. nofear says:
    Fri, 23rd Mar 20128:29 pm 

    i agree with gina. i wish dating and courting was more popular than casual sex. at the same time, i also think losing ur virginity shouldnt be as big a deal as society makes it. i think society is what makes people think its a big deal.
    im not sayin, you should lose it anyone but i don't think u should have to wait till marriage.
    i lost mine to one of best friend's big brother and he made it a good experience. he made me comfortable with my body and open to alot of things in the bedroom.
    we weren't together, we weren't a good match relationship-wise and he didnt want a relationship and it didnt last but i don't regret it. it was a good start to my sex life.

  4. January says:
    Sat, 24th Mar 20124:06 pm 

    It's true what they say — every generation truly thinks they were the first to invent sex.

  5. Court says:
    Sun, 25th Mar 20121:54 am 

    It's really sad that we have prudes acting holier than thou and forcing it down our throats.

  6. Kelsey says:
    Sun, 25th Mar 20128:23 am 

    It's really sad that you read this article and this is all you got out of it. It's a social commentary, asking for other people's views on a controversial subject. Not someone telling others how to live their lives. Try reading it again and see if you gleam anything new this time.

  7. Anonymous says:
    Sun, 25th Mar 20122:28 pm 

    Be careful. The author is not advocating sex with strangers. Simply saying that her first time was not a big deal does not make her a slut. The emphasis of her article is actually on making safe and responsible sex decisions rather than romanticizing and holding out for an experience that is often awkward and painful. She's advocating maturity and practicality, not whoring around. Notice where she says that she was surprised at her younger cousin's proclaimed love of sex. This thoughtless and unfair labeling of women has got to stop.

  8. Sophie says:
    Sun, 25th Mar 20125:27 pm 

    Alright, I just felt like writing my personal opinion since this is a topic that i think about a lot. I am 19 years old and a sophomore in college and I still haven't had sex. And people always seem to be shocked when they find out, or they think that I am kidding. That doesn't mean I haven't enjoyed myself though, but as far as that goes I just never was in that moment where I simply had to go all the way, because that was what I wanted to do. I am not saying that I am waiting for the one, to sweep me off my feet and make me is princess. Not all, because then I would be waiting a while :P
    Anyway, what I am trying to say is that, I think it is great to be able to express your sexuality and to enjoy it. Be it with just one partner in a serious relationship or casual sex with who ever floats your boat.
    I think for myself it is more of a in the moment kind of a thing. If I meet a guy this weekend while going out and we just get a long in the right way and I like what he's doing, why not? If I start talking to guy and we start dating and after a month or more I feel like 'hitting the home run' than that's fine too!
    But maybe I'm just naive and don't know what I am talking about since I don't have any experience :P

  9. Kay says:
    Wed, 28th Mar 201212:12 am 

    I'm 20 and have a steady boyfriend of two years now (the only one I've ever had), and heck one of these days we're probably going to get married. He isn't a virgin but I still am and fully intend to keep it that way till marriage. We have a wonderful and healthy relationship, I just don't think that its necessary to have sex to enjoy a relationship with someone.

  10. Disappointed says:
    Fri, 30th Mar 20124:20 pm 

    Its very sad because its leading to the rise in STDs and the spread of HIV….People's priorities and values are completely skewed in the 21st century…

  11. Liz says:
    Mon, 2nd Apr 20127:15 pm 

    I'm 19 going on 20 and a sophomore in college…and I'm still a virgin. At first I planned on waiting till marriage but now I concluded that this is my own decision and not the church. It's been extremely hard this year because it seems like I am the only one that is still alive. I'm not a prude by any means. I drink, I smoke, and I party. Yeah I suffer from the daydreams of that magical first time where everything will be romantic and sweet. And I know it is slightly unrealistic. But I definitely don't want to waste my first time in a car either. So if you are still a virgin at 19, you're not alone. And embrace it! When I tell guys that I'm waiting for someone special I usually get respect (and desire) from them! Use it to your advantage ladies!

  12. kate says:
    Tue, 3rd Apr 20128:30 am 

    wait to you have sex..then you wont know how you lived without it. it is the most intimate and wonderful part of a relationship and you can't really connect with a romantic partner on the most intense level unless you are having sex

  13. kate says:
    Tue, 3rd Apr 20128:32 am 

    wow….are you even old enough to be reading this? sluts? really? haven't you learned by now to stop judging other women on their sexual experiences? It's none of your business and saying that gives men permission to call women that too.
    Slut= sexually satisfied.

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