Love|Updated:

The World’s Least Sexy Sex Toys [Photos]

As I wrote this post, I was taken back to a moment on The Hills (judge me) when Kristin Cavallari commented that sex with Brody Jenner was “very vanilla”. She and a friend were in a sex toy shop when this conversation arose. Sex toys were invented to make the act of getting it on a little more spice and a little less vanilla, but some toys are just way too disturbing and make me want to lock up my vagina forever and throw away the key. I wouldn’t consider myself a very “vanilla” person, but this stuff is just way too out there.

I told my CC editor, Alex, that I am going to have to delete my Google history after writing this post because people are going to think I’m a huge weirdo S&M freaky sex addict. This stuff is way past whips and chains and all that stuff Rihanna likes–this stuff is just plain weird. Some of these toys are just for a party of one which is also super creepy and depressing. But hey, I’m not one to judge. Although I think this is super weird, if this is your cup of tea and makes you happy, go for it. More power to you.

Check out the gallery below of some of the weirdest sex toys around!

[Lead image via NinaMalyna/Shutterstock]

    Comments

    Comments

    1. Garnet – Columbia University says:

      Haha. I would LOVE for somebody to go through my google history after a day of interning at CC. I end up with some weird, weird searches. Especially image searches.

    2. […] • The least sexy sex toys. (College Candy) […]

    3. Shanah says:

      You mean your browsing history on Cracked? http://www.cracked.com/article_16032_the-25-most-

      If you're going to borrow the concept and photos, at least give some credit…

      1. Tom says:

        Ahahahhaha caught ittt.

    4. Adult Stores says:

      This is hilarious! And remember that episode on the Hills. The real housewives of OC just had an episode about a sex toy shop too its all the rage now I guess..

    5. yes, a couple of these, like the alien sex doll, are rather bizarro but most of these are pretty run of the mill fetish toys. I wouldn't peg them as scary or strange – just something that somebody's into.

    6. siryoz0 says:

      Totally weird and I can't imagine using one of this specially that body suit and I think there are more reliable sources online to find what I am looking for.
      http://www.sextoysuk.net/

    7. Yunus says:

      JoelJust to clarify, my ropsense was to the following: I am not big on anything going in or out of the anal cavity, and I feel genuinely sorry for gays who develop horrible hemmoroidal or venereal problems there as many do. To cite fact: regular anal sex does not incite haemorrhoids or any other venereal disease. In order to catch an STI (or VD for the Americans) one must have unprotected sex with an infected person. And haemorrhoids are most commonly caused by a low fibre/high fat diet. Over half of all Americans have them in some form. In cases where anal sex causes the patient to notice the haemorrhoid, the same effect would have happened from a large-ish bowel movement. I understand that you remember your doctor from the 70s teach you the facts that you cite, but research and medicine has come a long way since then. So has the understanding for the need for contraception as I’m sure you’re aware. I’m sure anal sex spread much venereal disease in the 70s. Protected sex was hardly a big topic then. Also, many people died from sex 40 years ago. AIDS may not have been as prevalent but it has been assisting in the deaths of humans since the Late 19th Century. (Leading theories are that it was transfered from West African apes). The disease was just not IDENTIFIED until the 80s. Since people die from AIDS related illnesses rather than the syndrome itself, the deaths of people prior to this date were just attributed solely to the disease they contracted with under the immuno-deficient state they were in. I agree with you however, that health and sex do not have to be mutually exclusive BUT I also think that health and ANAL sex do not have to be mutually exclusive. The above is my reasoning. I did not intend to flame but argue and debate reasonably. I saw issue with your comment/argument and wanted to respond. As for Davey splintering the already splintered minority’, it hardly seems the actions of someone who blogs consistently about tolerance, acceptance and love. I think we would all do well to take his words in the spirit that they were intended rather than nit-pick his syntax. If it were post on the diversity of sexual options and he neglected to mention options outside of anal sex, I would not doubt the validity of your comment. The main talking point of this blog, however, was anal sex and he discussed the options accordingly.

    8. Sex Toys says:

      I read this post and i really enjoy. Thanks for sharing important post with us.

    9. Ariel Jordan says:

      Haha, funny stuff. Where's your article about the best sex toys?! I'm dying to talk about my OhMiBod Vibrator! It hooks up to my iPod and vibes in time with the beats…is that not insanely amazing!?!? http://blissfulgoodies.com/Naughtibod-Vibrator-Pi

    • You Might Like