“It’s like Looking into a Trash Can and Trying to Pick Out the Most Appetizing Thing” [Friday Faves]

April 6, 2012 12:00 pm     Posted in Other Stories  Candy -- NYU g+ page

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By Candy

When I stepped onto my college campus fresh-off-the-boat (or FOB, as they call it) from some-obscure-country that I call home, I had no idea of the social niceties of dating in the states; my encounter with the opposite gender consisted of couple of weeks with a classmate in high school, who thought that drawstring shorts were most fashionable when paired with topsiders and gold jewelry. Needless to say, we broke up when I decided that the smell of his pineapple scented hair gel was overpowering the amorous odor of hamburgers and onion rings from burger king, which was our usual joint.

My freshman naivete wasn’t helped by the fact that I had that desperate urge to become the “IT” girl, something I had never been able to do in high school. I had lost 20 lbs. over the summer in anticipation that I would rise to a new social status at my east coast school, stocked my wardrobe with skin tight jeans and bling-encrusted baby Ts and headed to college.

So when I didn’t immediately become the most popular girl on campus, I was a little surprised. And taken aback. Moreover, my pre-college fantasies of hooking up with hot blonde-haired guys sporting surfer bodies wasn’t quite satisfied by the fact that NO ONE in the opposite gender seemed to want to talk to me. But I wasn’t giving up: I was willing to give it another shot two weeks later…and another one another two weeks later…but no action.

I then appealed to a friend who I shall call Courtney. Court listened to my problems, nodding along and making the occasional “uh-huh” as she listened to my ranting about guys not liking me and not being popular enough. At the end of my litany, she spoke a couple of words that seemed to make absolutely no sense at all.

“Honey…that’s because you’re Asian.”

I had been expecting something along the lines of “honey…you need to lose like 10 more pounds” or “you need to reinvent your wardrobe” or even “you need to suck up to the right people” but certainly not THAT.

I was struck by how blunt Court had been. I was Asian…ergo…I was less desirable to the rest of the male population on this campus than the dubious meatloaf dish served at the dining hall.

For a while, I didn’t believe what Court had said…until I came across a post on a website that collected various rumors and gossip on campuses scattered across the nation. One post read “Hottest Asian Girl” and despite myself, I clicked.

The usual suspects were all listed – as I read off the list, I nodded along; A was simply gorgeous, B was known for her modeling career, C was just beautiful enough to stop people dead in their tracks with a single stare…but one post read: “It’s like looking down into a trashcan and trying to pick out the most appetizing thing.”

Okay. To recap, I don’t really remember how I reacted. My first reaction was that it was one of the most racist things ever to say about any group or anyone on campus – then I realized it didn’t have so much to do with race than the fact that these kids were empowered by the anonymity granted by the web.

But logical reasoning came later and I literally seethed. I almost hit “reply” on the message and ALMOST (almost being the prime word here) wrote “What, you think you’re good-looking enough to get laid by ANYONE?” but my sense of on-line civility set in and I kept my thoughts to myself. What Court had said seemed to be coming true before my own computer screen.

After spending several years in college, I have come to love my school. But the idea that someone I know can write that about a group of people just because they are of a different ethnicity truly horrifies me; if they are capable of looking at Asians in a different light than other students, who knows what else they’re capable of? Racial stigma? Racial profiling?

To some, it might seem like I’m overreacting, but this kind of stuff really disturbs me as the initial signs of a school-wide trend; profiling begins at stereotyping different members of different ethnic groups and races. In the years after 9.11, people have watched with horror as police officers randomly rounded up members of the Muslim community simply because they fit the racial profile of suspected terrorists. I’m not saying that my campus will impose stigma on Asians, but it is sincerely troubling.

Now I’d like to hear your opinion – What do you think? Am I overreacting? Or are problems like these something we should be paying more attention to?

8 Comments on "“It’s like Looking into a Trash Can and Trying to Pick Out the Most Appetizing Thing” [Friday Faves]"

  1. Casey says:
    Fri, 6th Apr 201212:23 pm 

    I go to school in Canada but here white guys love Asian girls. It's not uncommon for a white guy to have dated or be dating an asian. Other interracial relationships are somewhat more uncommon. I think it's just a matter of exposure…

  2. arizonapenguin says:
    Fri, 6th Apr 20122:19 pm 

    I have definitely met guys from all over that have a thing for asian girls or black girls or hispanic girls, etc. I've (unfortunately) known guys who say they don't like girls of various different ethnicities, too: obviously douchebags. When it comes down to it, if someone is worth being with, they won't give a flying f*** about your ethnicity :)

  3. Sophia says:
    Fri, 6th Apr 20123:08 pm 

    I think it depends on the size of the city. Sometimes they're just not exposed to enough Asians. I've found that living in a smaller city you don't get the "brave" ones to come up to Asians until they've had several drinks haha

  4. Ally says:
    Fri, 6th Apr 20124:30 pm 

    On the other hand, I'm Asian and I find that the only guys who have ever liked me had "yellow fever"/Asian fetishes. It made me feel like they only dated me because of my race. I feel like there are only guys who wouldn't date an Asian, and guys who will -only- date Asians. I wish people can just see beyond race and stop lumping people into ethnicity groups.

  5. Hali says:
    Fri, 6th Apr 20128:38 pm 

    I am Asian, and I also go to school in Canada (on the east coast, where exposure is minimal). There have been numerous times where I will go grocery shopping and the cashier will straight up say "OH. BA-NA-NAS. THEY. ARE. VE-RY. TASTY." WTF. Take in note that I am 4th generation Chinese Canadian/American, and have only ever lived in large cities, so this for me, living from a 4m+ population to a 5000 population town, was a culture shock and of course I immediately felt offended, ostracized, and uncomfortable. It isn't racism, it's ignorance, and while it's debatable that racism is the product of ignorance, I had to think to myself, this cashier in no way wanted to harm or offend me. She ignorantly assumed that I could barely speak English.

    Now, I'm a single gal myself, but I have had gentlemen callers from different races in my three years at my university, some of which have revealed that they find Asian girls the most attractive, but not all have said this. Some guys like tall women over short women, or blue eyes over brown eyes. Liking Asian girls is a preference, much like height and eye colour, race is a trait that we cannot change.

    We have to think, as nit-pickey as we find those campus website bloggers offensive for being exclusively against Asian girls, we would be similar to them in saying that we are exclusively against getting intimate with anyone who would say those things. Although inclusion is what society strives in promoting, exclusion will always be present.

  6. Deb says:
    Sat, 7th Apr 20121:07 pm 

    I don't think it has anything to do with "ignorance" or their supposed "douchebag" ideology or exposure at all. Not every guy finds Asian women attractive, but there are plenty of guys out there who do. I wouldn't try to take it too personally, there really is someone for everyone!

  7. Tanya says:
    Sat, 7th Apr 20125:39 pm 

    I'm also Asian and I go to an east coast Canadian uni where there are like…10 Asians out of 1100 students. for the most part, people don't really care. in fact, a lot of guys (and girls!) find it a turn on, though they don't think being asian is inherently sexy, just like how someone white and blonde may not be automatically sexy either. some, usually from small towns, have never even seen an Asian person until they moved to the city, and didn't know how to deal with me. the worst racist joke i ever heard came from a close friend who was clueless and insensitive enough to say, "she's not a lady, she's asian!"
    i was lucky enough that none of my other friends thought it was appropriate, and we had to talk to him about it. for the most part he's okay now, but it just goes to show that people can be assholes without meaning to.
    on the other hand, i ended up dating another close friend who's a white american. he doesn't have an asian fetish and has never thought "she's cute but she's asian!" in fact, i think i have bigger issues about being asian than he does!

  8. Joice says:
    Sun, 8th Apr 20121:40 am 

    I'm from CA and a lot of guys here seem to LOVE Asian girls. Maybe they're intimidated by your beauty. I'm envious of Asian girls–I often feel ugly standing next to them.

    I hope you find a good guy!

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