Would you like a guy less if he’s slept with 25 girls? How about 40 girls? Or 70 girls? And at which point would you straight-up refuse to be his next conquest? All that counting and keeping track is enough to make your head spin, so I propose this: Maybe just keep the numbers to your respective selves. That’s been my rule from the start, and it’s worked out pretty fabulously.
So long as you’re up front about your sexual health history (yes, beyond the drunk/sarcastic, “You don’t have AIDS, right?”), there’s no need to disclose actual numbers. Frankly, I think it’s easier if you don’t. Whether you want to admit it to yourself or not, there’s stress in knowing your partner has slept with a sh*t ton more people than you have, or vice-versa. Suddenly you’re the goody-two-shoes and he’s the man-whore. You’re the raging slut and he’s kinda prude. Why should it matter that you had a wild and crazy summer after you broke up with your boyfriend of five years? Who cares if he made more than a few female friends when he spent a semester in France? Maybe one or both of you simply likes having sex…whenever and wherever you can get it. Hey girl, live and let live!
If you happen to be one of those people, though, who simply needs to know all the gritty details that will inevitably cause you to over-think your relationship, that’s okay. I’m still here for you. After all, if you’re sleeping with someone, you’re really allowed to ask whatever the heck you want…just be prepared to answer anything they want to know, too. It’s only fair.
If you’re going to go there, please note that the “How many people have you slept with?” conversation is typically best brought up sober. That’s not to say it needs to be the most serious conversation of your life, or that you even need to pencil out a specific time to have the discussion. Just make sure you haven’t mainlined 73 shots before asking the tough questions.
What do you think of my Don’t Ask/Don’t tell policy? Am I crazy? Got some better advice to share? Share your opinion in the comments below!
Alex loves rainbow sprinkles, retro bromances, and cultivating an iTunes library superior to yours. Most days, though, she just wishes she was Beyonce. Got something to say or a good conspiracy theory you’re just dying to share with someone? Follow her on twitter @AlexandraRane or on Tumblr.