Should You Have Sex On The First Date? [Ask A Dude]

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Dear Dude,

What do guys really think of sex on the first date? Is it a deal breaker? I feel like if you have a genuine connection with someone, and the sex is awesome, shouldn’t that make them want you more? Or does it completely take the fun out of the chase? I’ve had one long term relationship start out of sex on the first date. I’ve had other guys never call me again. What’s the deal?


Screwed then screwed!

Dear Screwed then screwed!

Here’s the deal: I’ve never known of a man who found sex to be a deal breaker on the first date. If anything, it’s considered a minor miracle from the Heavens, and for some d-bags out there it’s an expectation, which kind of clarifies why I’m calling them d-bags.

There’s a lot more to the chase than just having sex. Don’t get me wrong, it can certainly enhance the chase. However! There are so many ways to have sex and in so many places, and some could argue getting a taste and then not getting the meal is even more enticing. I think it’s a guy to guy situation.

Do men respect women less if they can get laid on the first date? Maybe some. Is sex all a guy wants? Possibly. It’s certainly one of the things he’s thinking about over tortellini. There are other thoughts, like if his hair’s doing that cow lick thing or if he mentioned his love for animals enough…and your breasts, which doesn’t count as thinking about sex, it’s just something we think about that LEADS us to thinking about sex. Sorry, that clarification had to be made!

Your track record’s a spotty one with having sex on a first date, and if it’ll lead to more or less. My question is, what are you looking for on the first date? Are you having sex because you think he wants it or because you want it? If you’re doing it for you then, “Have at thee!” As Thor would put it. If you’re doing it because you’re trying to ensure a second date, then I would recommend trying to hold off and make it a 2, or the classic 3, date rule. Just don’t pull a Robin Scherbatzky and change your mind mid-date and think you need to shave your legs. The first time, if we’re focusing on what’s on your legs rather than what we’re doing in between them…there’s no picket fence in the future.

Be careful about looking for logic when asking the question “to f*ck or not to f*ck?” These aren’t logical actions, they’re primal. Awesome sex doesn’t mean you have an emotional connection yet. It means you could. It also might mean you just have sexual chemistry, or you were really horny. Generally assuming that if the sex is awesome, then he’d want to come back for seconds is illogical. It’s just not always reality. Remember, you’re looking at it through your eyes, and you can’t be certain how he’s looking at it through his.

The bottom line is this: If you’re not getting the results you want with the way you’ve been going about trying to get them, then it’s time to change things up. Change your policy or change the type of guy you’re going out with. The issue’s at the source either way.

Keep calm, and don’t blink!

The Dude



  1. Truth says:

    I love girls who put out one the first date. They are especially funny when they ask to take the relationship to the next level. LOL.

    1. arizonapenguin says:


  2. DeBoh says:

    I love the Im not a slut so im not going to have sex with you on the first date and then you get the first date blow job. That should be the standard

  3. Kate says:

    This is all spot on to my thoughts. I actually regret not having sex with my boyfriend on the first date. I spent the night and everything, we had been friends for years and decided to finally date. For whatever reason, I felt like I should make a good impression on him as someone who doesn’t just put out. He still makes fun of me for wearing that tight slip all night! In other situations, if you are vibing on the guy, why not? It’s not the only thing that can make/break your future.

  4. Ivan McIntosh says:

    Unfortunately some men get all judgmental and moralistic. I'm not one of them. What…you want to have sex? Well, hallelujah, so do I :)

    I've never understood the mentality of people looking down on a girl for wanting what they wanted themselves.

    It has never influenced whether I wanted to keep seeing someone. I either did or I didn't, for reasons unconnected with the sex (although I admit fantastic sex would probably keep me coming back for a while even if the relationship wasn't going anywhere).

    So go to it…as long as that's what you want. Sex is fun.

    PS: All personal experiences related above are long LONG in the past!

    1. uluvtheld says:

      that made me laugh….the first paragraph totally contradicts the second.

  5. Jake says:

    If I have sex on a first date it's probably due to alcohol being involved (lol I'm Mr. Not That Smooth) so it's still a challenge getting sex from the girl while sober. Or in a car, or elevator, or anywhere really. It's awesome to know that a girl's drive is up there with mine. Here's the thing that needs to be clear when doing it on the first date, let us know if it's just for sex or because you like me. Don't turn it into a game!

  6. Random says:

    hmmm. my wife of 19 years and I did it on the first date…

  7. Reply me says:

    I married my 1 night stand, couldn't be happier. Oh and I did it on the 1st date cus I WANTED TO, I think I took him by surprise haha Love that man!

    1. mathis says:

      Technically, if you married him, it wasn't a one night stand.

    2. uluvtheld says:

      Or imagine if it was?……… I would question his sexuality if you only did it on the fist date and never again ;)

  8. uluvtheld says:

    Meh….if its at all questionable, just wait.

    Each person is different with different motivations, delusions, insecurities, expectations, etc that are not apparent …even to one's self. The backlash/consequences can either mesh for the two parties or be conflicting.

    Its always better to fare to the safer side. If you like the person and you both want sex….its gonna happen eventually. Whats the rush? Whoever see's not getting laid on the first night as a failure ( even if everything was going swimmingly and seemed to lead towards sex) has their priorities misplaced or is 13 ;)

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