Oh, the hangover.
And I’m not talking about the one where Bradley Cooper prances around and humps a tiger near a cop car. I’m talking about the one where you wake up feeling like a shriveled, dehydrated raisin, and you can barely curl up in fetal position without feeling nauseous let alone want to hump things.
Hangovers wake me up promptly in the morning to remind me why I try not to eat Taco Bell on sober nights. Whenever I wake up from a hangover, my mouth feels like the inside of a cotton swab, I can barely swallow down my multi-vitamin, and I hate it when people look at me in public.
I know two things for sure in life: Santa Clause isn’t real, and I can’t order a time traveling device for next Friday when I’m hung over on Sunday. But, there is hope. Hope in responsible, prepared, and hangover free form. Let’s zap those hangovers and look ahead to a bright future (without a migraine).
A Gatorade Nightcap
passing out like your head weighs fifty pounds getting some shut-eye , chug some purple Gatorade. OK, so it doesn’t have to be purple, but that’s just my personal preference. Anyway, why do you think all those jacked athletes chug the stuff? That’s right, electrolytes. Serena Williams shouldn’t be only one sippin’ the juice. Alcohol dehydrates you – that’s what gives you that drunken feeling/Beyonce-like dance moves – so the obvious way to combat that is by, duh, re-hydrating.
Two Vodka Waters, Please
Vodka waters are SUCH a lifesaver. Squeeze a lime into that creation and you have yourself a hydration system, a stiff drink and a happy tummy.
Eat Some Vitamin B to the C (Orange Juice, Grapefruit, Grape)
While you drink, order screwdrivers and vodka crans. That way, you can get those vitamins while you’re a tipping a few back. Who said drinking can’t be productive??
Take it Slow
Nobody wakes up feeling like a star after they do a power hour. It’s that simple.
Stay Away from the Dark Stuff
The lighter the vodka, the nicer the hangover. It has been said gin is the best alcohol to reduce a beastly hangover to a rodent-sized one. Dark boozes (i.e. whiskey, red wine) are the best ingredients for a terrible hangover (they contain methanol instead of ethanol). Also, try sticking to one booze the whole night. Life aint’ a Hollywood marriage; let’s stick with one love.
Saltines, Saltines the Magical Cracker
Because the more you eat, the better you feel. Whenever I come home, I try to play the “chubby bunny” game with a box of Saltines. Even if you’re feeling a little queasy, these salty nuggets are easy to keep down and a total hangover lifesaver.
Pop a Multi-vitamin Before Bed
And for the love of Snooki’s poof, don’t take her advice to ‘drink more.’ That will only push the hangover back a few hours…and most likely make it worse.
Take a Stroll
Threatening hangovers are the perfect time to use your walk of shame as an excuse to cure them. Walks get the blood flowing freely through your system, and maybe you can re-evaluate your decisions and life goals along the way.
Brush Your Teeth
Because you don’t want to talk to your roommate in the morning and give HER a hangover.
[lead image via ostill / Shutterstock]