How To Not Be The Crazy Girlfriend

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Yeah, I said it. The ‘C’ word that girls hate most: Crazy. And guess what ladies, we’ve all got a little bit of it. I don’t mean serial killer, collect people’s teeth crazy. Just that crazy we’re called when reason gives way to emotion and impulse. Those moments when we react without getting to the bottom of how we’re feeling, without really getting to the source of our frustration, and it all comes out as a disconcerted mess that makes us look more than a little foolish. Funny how that C word leads to that B word. Maybe I’m the only one?

I’ll level with you. I consider myself a confident and reasonable woman. I believe self reflection is important and a crucial part of growing into a mature individual, and that self awareness is a human responsibility. I try to judge situations fairly, and I’m generally pretty hard on myself. And you know what? I thought I was doing okay. I thought I was really making some progress away from those emotional impulses that dominated my teenage years. I was even so bold to figuratively pat myself on the back a few months ago thinking, “Man, Jenny, you’ve really come a long way. Good for you. That silly seventeen year old version of yourself? Long gone.” I think figurative pats on the back are just begging for trouble. I’m pretty sure the universe gave me a look that said, “Oh, that’s cute. Real cute.” Because avoiding situations that provoke the crazy isn’t the same thing as maturing beyond the crazy. If only I didn’t have to learn lessons the hard way. But I do, and I’ll explain.

I dated a guy very seriously in college. Thought he was the one and that we would grow old and happy together. Surprise, surprise, we went through a really ugly and painful break up. Womp, womp, we all have a similar story. I was crushed, and experienced the hardest 6 months of my life–during which I was an unrecognizable version of myself. And it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Because after 6 months of hell, and another 6 months of recovering from that hell, I emerged a much stronger ‘me’ than the girl who first entered the relationship. I finally got a point where I could look back and see how unreasonable I had been, not only in the relationship, but during the break up. No, it wasn’t all my fault. He was unreasonable, too, but at least I was able to see my shortcomings. It’s been three years since that break up, and I vowed to move far beyond that silly girl with unbearable control issues and severe sensitivity. Ever look back and think, “Why in the world did I ever get upset about that?” Yeah, I did that a lot. But I really have made progress, dammit!

Progress be what it may, sometimes that crazy rears its head in an ugly way. Or maybe it rears its head, and we choose to react in an ugly way. What I’m saying is that my crazy recently reared its head in an ugly way, and I reacted in an uglier way. For whatever reason I was feeling a bit insecure (hey, I said I was confident, not perfect!), I was on my period, and my brilliant plan to counter those things was tequila. Talk about recipe for disaster. Sometimes I’m the dumbest smart person I know. There may be no way to ever rid yourself completely of insecurities that make you uncomfortable in a situation. And ‘perfect’ is boring anyway. Am I right? You can, however, learn to control your reactions to those insecurities. Here are my “learned the hard way” tips for avoiding that crazy girl in us all!

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