An Open Letter To My Rebound Guy [Friday Faves]

Dear Rebound Guy,

I would like to take this time to 1) say thank you, and 2) apologize for using you at my own discretion.

You see, there comes a time in every girl’s life when she gets dumped. Dumped so hard she can only listen to Bon Iver, curl up in a ball in her bed and turn off all the lights. Oh yes, and sob, did I mention that? But there also comes a time when it’s Friday night and her best friends drag her out of bed, put her in a killer push-up bra, a mini-skirt and take her to the most populated bar in town. And that, my friend, is where you came in.

To begin, I’d like to thank you for approaching me…or rather the alcohol induced, suddenly-confident-yet-secretly-broken version of me. Right now you think I’m this great girl who you were so lucky to stumble upon and, sure, I may seem completely level-headed and down-for-whatever, but you have no idea what you’ve just gotten yourself into. So, after a few sloppy dances and sweaty hugs, my friends finally find me and let me know you are, in fact, not as attractive as I had thought, and I depart. Without you. (Tease move number one). But not before you whip out your iPhone4 and I shout my number over the music. And that’s how it always begins.

Over the next few days, as you’re contemplating how to play it cool with a sly text message, I am completely unaware that we’ve ever met. And so normal life continues; facebook stalking my ex-boyfriend, creeping on girls he’s been in photos with, listening to sad music while crying and looking at old photos, deciding whether or not to burn that teddy bear he gave me, discussing what went wrong with my roommate while eating KFC… Needless to say, Rebound Guy, you are the furthest thing from my mind.

All of a sudden my phone’s text alert rings and I lunge hoping it’s my beloved ex! But it’s you, and you want to take me on a date. A blurred image of you pops into my head and I remember enough information about you to find you on Facebook. Okay, you’re decent looking, business major, look clean…I’ll give this a shot. I quickly run out of my room and into my roommate’s and we discuss how much better you could be than my ex and how this could lead to something real and all that B.S. we tell ourselves and each other, when really we all know deep down this will just be a free meal, a potential new friend and another reason to miss the ex…because well, you’re just not my ex-boyfriend.

Saturday evening rolls around and you pick me up at my apartment. You look handsome, tell me I look pretty and even open my door. We have awkward car conversation and pick a place to eat. I think to myself, “Alright, this is going fairly well! Maybe I really am ready to move forward!” But as the night wears on and my pseudo-happy self surfaces (which, by the way, you are really taking a liking to), deep down I am acknowledging the fact that I am not yet ready.

As you pull up to my apartment complex I lean in for a kiss and thank you for dinner. Why did I kiss you? It’s hard to say. Possibly because I haven’t kissed a guy (sober) in quite a while, maybe because it’s just the normal thing to do if the date went well, or perhaps to try and convince myself that I’ve moved on. Regardless, none of the reasons are because I actually like you in a romantic way. So as you drive away grinning from ear-to-ear brainstorming your next witty text message, I am rushing into my apartment, headed straight to my room to blast Ashley Tisdale’s “Alright, O.K.” as I jump around trying to convince myself to give you a chance and forget the jerk before you.

More quickly than expected, the Ash-Tis jams turn into James Morrison’s songs of heartbreak and I’m back to square one.

The next few weeks you text me frequently and I play along simply because I don’t want to hurt your feelings. Though we had a great time, it just wasn’t there on my end, but it’s not like I don’t want to be your friend. However, it’s too late and I’ve led you on.

Now, a year later, you have messaged me wanting to hang out. I gave myself the time I needed and am with someone wonderful and new, but you are still trying…

So here it goes: thank you for allowing me to use you as a stepping-stone to getting over someone else. I think we’ve all been there before, too. Unfortunately, you were just completely unaware. I’m sorry if I chipped your ego or made you feel self-conscious, but it was simply terrible timing.



This Friday Fave was originally written by Olivia – University of Texas.

[Lead image via Kiselev Andrey Valerevich/Shutterstock]



  1. […] • One girl’s open letter to her rebound guy. (CollegeCandy) […]

  2. Truth says:

    So you don't like the guy, but you stringed him along anyway in order to get free food, emotional validation, while ruining his ego and pride in the process because who preferred the "jerk" who used to bang you? Great. Girls like you are the reason why guys are refusing to be nice nowadays. Don't blame men for the death of chivalry. Grow up and learn to be honest with others.

    1. Nah Cho says:

      I'm not accepting the above behavior as moral or correct, or even excusable. But it is NOT girls like her that make guys the way they are. Many women and men do this. Many men and women do worse than this. I'm not saying that makes it okay, but don't go around pointing fingers at people when it's probably not true. Many guys haven't been nice for a long time (and neither have many girls). Not blaming guys for the death of chivalry is like not blaming a murder for killing a guy because the guy called him a shit. The people who did the action are responsible. Personally, I don't care about chivalry. But common courtesy is something else entirely.

      With that said, leading someone on is cruel and dishonest. Let's not do that ;)

    2. Truth says:

      Your murder analogy was the stupidest and most illogical sentence I've ever read.Tell me, Nah. Why is it that chivalry is dead when most guys grew up with mothers and teachers who told them to be nice and respectful to girls? Why then, are more and more guys turning into assholes by the time they hit college? Is it because guys are inherently assholes? Or are guys turning into assholes because of girls like the one above, who blatantly stated that she preferred the asshole over the guy who was actually nice to her?

    3. Molly says:

      Just because she got dumped didn't mean the guy was an asshole, maybe the relationship didn't work out. Also, she said she kept convincing herself she liked him and only in hindsight realized she was leading him on, not really the worst of all things. Everybody does it. As a girl, I've been lead on too, and it's not because some girl hurt the guy before he got to me. Sometimes you just keep people on a hook.

    4. Truth says:

      Just because others have done it to you doesn't mean it's okay to do it to someone else. And no, not everyone does it.

    5. Bree says:

      she didnt realize she was doing it, and was obviously in a bad mindset. If you think you can be the biggest man on earth and grin ear to ear after a break up then go right a head and try.

    6. Truth says:

      Have you even read the article?

      "we tell ourselves and each other, when really we all know deep down this will just be a free meal, a potential new friend and another reason to miss the ex…because well, you’re just not my ex-boyfriend."

      Sounds like she was pretty aware of what she was doing to me.

      Having recently been dumped is no reason to treat others like crap. This article is the equivalent of a guy being dumped by a girl then uses another girl who really likes him for rebound sex because he needs to be validated as a man. This makes you a scumbag and bragging about it on a website for emotional validation will get you nowhere.

    7. Calm Down - Yo says:

      Have you? She also clearly states, "I think to myself, “Alright, this is going fairly well! Maybe I really am ready to move forward!"

      She's not leading him on for the sake of leading him on, she's actually considered him as a possibility. I'm not condoning her actions, and earlier you said that not everyone does it – except for that I bet you know someone who has been led on or that is leading someone on. So – yeah not everyone – but the vast majority of people have been on either end of this situation. It sucks, but there are a lot worse things she could be doing. You're acting like she's the scum of the earth for "leading" this guy on.

      The moral high horse you're on is a lot more offensive, in my opinion, than anything the girl who wrote the article did. First of all, who are you to judge? She's also stated in the article she does feel bad for it. Second of all, I'm sure that you're not always the picture of good morals either. People make mistakes.

      Maybe instead of telling the author to grow up and be honest with people, you need to grow up and be honest with yourself as to why this issue bugs you so much. Perhaps it's not that the author led the boy in question on – but that you were led on by someone and are still not quite over it. Perhaps, you need to accept the fact that she's human, made a mistake, and not be so judgmental. That's also mature.

    8. Truth says:

      So seeing someone do something wrong to hurt another person and telling them about it means you are being judgmental and riding on a moral high horse? And somehow the person in the wrong has the right to do it because a lot of people are doing it? Is this your argument?

      It's funny that you are telling me to be honest with myself, especially when you are the defensive one who's in so much denial about what's right and wrong.

    9. Calm Down - Yo. says:

      Did you miss the part when I said, "I'm not condoning her actions," because I'm pretty sure that's acknowledging she did something wrong. Pretty sure I'm aware that it's wrong and never once said that she was morally right either. In fact, when saying "I'm sure that you're not always the picture of good morals either. People make mistakes." points out that I do, in fact, admit she was in the wrong in the situation. Perhaps I'm just not wording it right, maybe mistake means something else to you…my bad.

      There's a way to say "Wow, that's not cool" without sounding condescending and I think that Nah did an excellent job – "With that said, leading someone on is cruel and dishonest. Let's not do that ;)" – I was not at all offended by that, but the way you attacked the author was basically uncalled for.

      And you know what's great, though? The author of the article does have the right to do it. Yes, as I've previously mentioned – but you're clearly not understanding, I don't AGREE with her actions. (Clear enough yet?) But she has every right to do so. I don't believe her intentions were malicious, and therefore I feel like your anger towards the subject is just plain immature. Hence my "name" – calm down. Why are you making her actions such a big deal? In five years, Rebound Boy will probably not even remember the girl who strung him along FOR ONE DATE in college. Shit happens. Move on. The end.

    10. Calm Down - Yo says:

      On top of that, all the commenters on this post have been cordial and you're attacking them as well.

      To Nah you rudely said, "Your murder analogy was the stupidest and most illogical sentence I've ever read."

      To Bree – "Have you even read the article?"

      Insulting people's intelligence who have done nothing wrong, also not very nice. Don't mind me I'm just "seeing someone do something wrong to hurt another person and telling them about it." Just like you.

    11. Truth says:

      Nah's analogy was indeed stupid and Bree did sound like she didn't read the article. You know what's ruder than my comment? Playing with someone's feelings and leading them on while using them as a meal ticket. At least there were honesty and frankness in the statements I made. You seem to be defending an act of rudeness that's far worse than what I could ever say to another human being.

    12. Truth says:

      So by your logic, if a guy just got dumped by his girlfriend and decides to hook up with a naive girl who has a huge crush on him in order to get some validation as a man, knowing that he doesn't like her, he has the right to do it, right? Because this is what this girl did to that boy. And yes, he will get over her, but he's going to walk away with a ruined ego and hurt feelings. Saying "shit happens" is no way to be cruel and mean to another human being. I'm going to lead you on and ruin your pride in the process, oh well, shit happens, move on, the end. You sound like you have some great morals.

    13. Calm Down - Yo says:

      Once again – I am not defending her actions – just pointing out that you seemed to over react to her post. Your intense anger, I feel, is not at all justified. But as I have repeatedly stated, I don't think what she did was right – so you can go ahead and stop using that as your argument and attacking my morals.

      And yeah, I do think both the original poster and the guy you describe have the RIGHT to whatever they please as long as it's in the realm of legality. Unfortunately, being an ass isn't illegal. So as much as I don't think either of those things are "right" per-say, they do have the right to do them.

      And finally, my "shit happens" was not an excuse for the poster of the article to do whatever she pleases but to the Rebound Guy and you for saying, there are worse things in the world than getting led on for a date a few text messages. No use crying over spilled milk, feelings like hurt pride will go away. Even heartbreak stops hurting after a while.

      And this is all coming from a girl who's been led on, if I can get over it – everyone else can. Feelings are controllable.

    14. Acidbath says:

      Thank you!!!!

  3. Lauren says:


    thank you SO much. I just love girls like you who think they can treat nice guys however they please and ruins it for the rest of us.

  4. Mr430 says:

    Did the guy was dating know she had just broken up? If she had told him, then it is ok . If she had lied to him then she is a BIATCH.

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