What I Learned From This Month’s Issue Of GQ

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GQ may seem like a strange magazine for a soon to be 21 year old girl/woman (like Britney, I’ve found that I’m still somewhere in-between) to get her advice, but I’ve been reading GQ for the past year now and have found some valuable tidbits. And unlike Maxim, I find that they keep the scantily clad women to a minimum. Although this issue does feature Brooklyn Decker in a wet white cotton bra and panties withering around on a warehouse floor. I also found out that she has a crush on Dave Matthews of all people.

This month’s issue featured Derrick Rose as the cover star, and I had no idea who he was. Judging from the basketball in his hand, I gathered that he was a basketball star who is possibly the next Jordan. Either way he’s cute, so I’m not complaining.

The story focused on the fact that he plays for the Chicago Bulls and is the next big thing. He’s LeBron without the ego. I’m not concerned with his actual basketball skills, but I know who I’m going to bring up the next time I talk to a guy about sports. Speaking of sports stars, GQ taught me that Tiger Woods is still a douche, and he has potty mouth. He also farts a lot on the golf course. How did he bag Elin? Or all those other girls?

I have to give GQ credit for their article, “Bimbos with Balls!” For one, it featured a scatter plot of male bimbos ranging from dumb to dumbest and those who showed “no monty” to “full monty.” Unsurprisingly, The Situation is the the dumbest chest baring man whose photo caption reads, “Forever topless, forever dumb.” I appreciate that our culture can feature a  dumb man as opposed to the cliched dumb woman on television. Clearly this is gender equality at its finest.

The crowning achievement of the issue has to be their marriage manifesto on how to have a good and successful marriage.

GQ says: “Say this is a love note: ‘The moon lives in the lining of your skin.’ That’s Pablo Neruda, friend. Poet of love. Read him.”

Tiffany says: Even though the line is a bit strange for my taste, I appreciate the effort. Good skin is the key to looking beautiful, so I’d like my effort to be noticed.

GQ says: “Also: Don’t say you ‘got the night off.’ That’s pathetic.”

Tiffany says: Damn right it’s pathetic! I know a relationship is work, but don’t make it sound like it’s a 9-5 job.

GQ says: “You will learn that her feelings are real!”

Tiffany says: One of my biggest pet peeves is when people act like emotions aren’t valid. I feel them, therefore they are. Don’t belittle me.

All in all, good job GQ. You’ve made me sports literate and made me feel good about getting married someday (I will be giving my future husband this manual). Bonus points for featuring an editorial with Adam Brody.

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