Don’t Be Afraid To Share Your Fantasies [Sexy Time]

Fantasizing is an intrinsic part of sexual development. It’s a perfectly healthy way to work out your curiosities, explore your preferences, and enhance your sex life.  It’s totally okay to think about threesomes, or public sex, role playing, or whatever turns you on… But what if you want to actually take your fantasies to the next level? Undoubtedly, opening up an intimate and private part of your thought process to someone’s assessment and possible rejection is scary, but it can be a truly liberating (and sexy) experience to share fantasies with your partner.

Generally, the best time to broach fantasies is during foreplay. You’re both getting aroused and (hopefully!) you’re starting to let go of some of your inhibitions. There are pretty much three ways this can shake out. The worst case scenario is your partner outright rejects you. If they’re worthy of your time, they won’t express disgust or make you feel self-conscious. They’ll merely convey their lack of interest and get right back into the moment. Or, if they’re a little more intrigued, they’ll start to play along. For example, if you brought up the idea of role playing, they’ll integrate that into their dirty talk while you’re in coitus. It’s amazing how much just talking about fantasies can spice up your relationship. The best case scenario is they’re just as enthusiastic as you are, and are totally down for making your fantasies a reality. Total score.

The most important thing is to be confident and don’t invalidate your own fantasies. No matter how weird or kinky you think they are, you are almost certainly not alone. At the very least, there’s very little you could say that would shock your partner, especially if they’ve spent more than 5 seconds on the internet. It is incredibly common to imagine threesomes, public play, restraints…the list goes on. Don’t ever invalidate your own sexual proclivities – as long as they’re not harmful to you or to anyone else, they are fair game. There’s nothing wrong with indulging your imagination, and *fingers crossed* you are with, or will find, someone who is open to doing the same.

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  1. Susann says:

    The best case scenario is they’re just as enthusiastic as you are, and are totally down for making your fantasies a reality. Total score.

  2. Brittany says:

    I LOVE this article but I have to disagree with the timing. Waiting to be in the moment and then being turned down will most likely make you feel self-conscious and will likely kill your libido. Talking about it after sex has always been a good time in my experience but I've also had conversations where sex wasn't even really on either of our minds at the time. Overall though I love that CC is encouraging readers to talk about their fantasies =)

    1. Rose says:

      I totally agree with Brittany's timing comments. Even if you get a thoughtfully phrased "yes, but not right now," or "maybe," it can be a mood killer. What I DO recommend is if you want something you're already getting, but more/more intense, speak up while it's happening or during foreplay.

  3. Bone says:

    Since girls don't like sex I can see how sharing a fantasy will completely back-fire on the dude.

    1. Rose says:

      I think you are mistaking women not liking sex with YOU for women not liking sex.

  4. What's my fantasy? Threesome…. my girlfriend gave me a BIG NOOOOO with that one. So I went with this… I had a good time watching her =)

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