The Top 10 Reasons I Am Hating Hipsters [Friday Faves]

June 1, 2012 12:00 pm     Posted in HaHa, Homepage Exclusive, Reality  Melanie - Northeastern University g+ page


By Melanie

There’s a new plague making its way across college campuses from coast to coast. Take one step into your local incorporated coffee shop, vegan restaurant, Urban Outfitters or American Apparel store and you will be afflicted. (Or blinded by all the neon spandex and overwhelming scent of cigarettes.)

I’m talking, of course, about hipsters.

Don’t know what I’m talking about? Don’t worry’ they’ve even got a Wikipedia page.

I don’t truly despise these people. In fact, some are my dear friends. However, the ones that aren’t my friends are becoming an issue – a taking-all-the-tables-at-my-favorite-coffee-shop issue – and here’s my top 10 reasons that they piss me off. Obviously, not all apply. And obviously there are many, many more.

1. OHMYGOD just because I don’t wear weird clothes doesn’t mean I don’t like good music, too.
Hipsters pride themselves on liking the most unique, underground indie music. And if they like something outside that realm? Well, they like it “ironically.” In fact, I’m pretty sure their entire subculture is based on irony. (Editor’s Note: Maybe Alanis Morisette started the hipster movement?!) They automatically assume if someone is in a polo shirt that their music taste only expands as far as Dave Matthews and OAR. WRONG. Not everyone wears their music taste on their American Apparel sleeves. Get. Real. Check my last.fm; I listen to just as much Arcade Fire as you do and my mom was at Pavement concerts when you were in diapers.

2. The corporations you support are just as bad as the ones you hate.
So, you enjoy taking over Urban Outfitters? Well guess what – UO supported Proposition 8, the recently passed proposition that banned same sex marriage. Urban is owned by the most anti-gay bigot ever. Maybe you should think twice before you go heading over there for your next ironic tee and skinny jeans.

3. Life’s tough. Get a helmet.
Adorn the helmet with Bon Iver stickers. Do what you must, just stop bitching and moaning and sucking down Parliament Lights and PBR cans like it’s your job. You’ve got a trust fund, you unitard-wearing complainer.

4. Hypocritical much?
So, you spend your time hating on people for being judgmental a-holes? While you sit there and judge them based on the fact that they’re wearing mainstream clothing and maybe enjoy rap music? I don’t think that frat boy gives a crap about your life, so why do you care how he lives his?

5. Sports are not the anti-christ.
I like basketball. It’s fun to cheer for things (I know. Enthusiasm. Scary.) and maybe you should try watching it. Just because a lot of people love it doesn’t mean it sucks.

6. People eat animals. They taste real good.
Don’t tell me how my burger came to be. Veganism is your choice, not mine. Do I tell you how your lungs are turning black when you smoke? No. Do I not-so-politely inform you that your skinny jeans are permanently damaging your nerves? Nopers. Don’t remind me that my sandwich was once a living thing.

7.  It’s okay to like things without being ironic.
I’d love to meet a hipster that can openly admit that they un-ironically enjoy Britney Spears or Fall Out Boy. Even just a couple songs. Come on! It’s catchy! I’m not judging you!

8. Starbucks is tasty. Organic coffee tastes funky.
Enough said. Maybe it’s overpriced, but oh my god, I have never had a decent frappucino at an indie coffee shop. Side note: your indie coffee shop is most likely a franchise, too!

9. PBR is gross.
Enough. Said.

10. Smile.
Sunshine, I don’t care what you’re wearing, but for the love of spandex and Ray-Bans, can you please brighten someone’s day and smile? Scowling is super unbecoming.

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

[lead image via CREATISTA/ Shutterstock]

9 Comments on "The Top 10 Reasons I Am Hating Hipsters [Friday Faves]"

  1. Ariana Romero says:
    Fri, 1st Jun 201212:24 pm 

    This list totally made my day, so spot on. I sometimes wonder if hipsters are just the older versions of the emo kids of like 6 years ago.

  2. Lisa says:
    Fri, 1st Jun 20122:18 pm 

    I kinda like hipsters, not one myself…. but they seem to be used to being a bit teased and have humor about it… But when it comes to all their convictions they are anoying. I don't tell you ALL the fucking time to eat meat, so don't try to convince me of being vegetarian/raw-fooder/what-ever-you-are-into. You are preaching just as much as any religious person (and this, for some reason gets them), so PLEASE just stop.

  3. Shannon says:
    Fri, 1st Jun 20126:30 pm 

    I'm a vegetarian and I'm not a "hipster." You're classifying people based on their personality traits or how they look. I mean do any of these people really call themselves hipsters? I think you're just making assumptions about people you've never even really talked to (aside from your "hipster" friends). I think it's ridiculous to write a post full of judgments about people who you think are judging you and it's quite hypocritical too.

    Btw, number 6 is pointless anyways. Regardless of what your opinions are on eating meat or not, choosing not to eat meat is a choice for the benefit of beings other than yourself (if you choose to stop eating it because of the welfare of the animals). Smoking cigarettes affects YOUR health. Your making an individual choice that affects YOU. The animals that make it to your dinner plate had no choice in the matter. That's the difference.

  4. Emma - Minnesota says:
    Fri, 1st Jun 20128:53 pm 

    Love this

  5. Lena says:
    Sun, 3rd Jun 20121:37 am 

    I go to art school and not even I have seen people like this who actually exist outside of jokes and stereotypes made up by bitter people such as yourself.

    By the way, not everyone who is vegan smokes or wears skin tight pants, or is a "hipster" for that matter. Don't insult my choice, especially since you seem to be angry at people who (supposedly) insult yours.

  6. Boys_are_dumb says:
    Tue, 5th Jun 20125:33 pm 

    Lol uptight much?

    I think she's just tired of the hypocrisy of the whole trend. Usually people who even label themselves as a hipster are just following a trend cause they want to look a certain way.

    Usually I think people who are labeled hipsters are nice but they will have lung cancer cause they smoke an awful lot. And they do look a tad grungy and gross.

  7. Boys_are_dumb says:
    Tue, 5th Jun 20125:41 pm 

    If people weren't supposed to eat meat we would NOT be omnivores. Unfortunately we are. And so are a bunch of other animals, along with even more that are strictly carnivores.

    While being a vegetarian is a nice choice for you, you don't need to act like anyone else who doesn't take up the "noble cause" like you do are bad people either. Animals eat animals, it's just life. I don't understand why you act all high and mighty over a personal decision that really doesn't change the way the world works.

  8. Boys_are_dumb says:
    Tue, 5th Jun 20125:43 pm 

    Also smoking can affect everyone. And if you don't think so try Google and type in second-hand smoke. You obviously don't know what you are talking about.

  9. Lex says:
    Wed, 20th Jun 20128:04 pm 

    You idiots have missed the point of the whole post. It's not about vegans, it's about hipsters who are vegans and preach about their veganness. Go cry over your soy milk somewhere else.

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