Taking a walk with some friends one day, sipping coffee and having one of those hilarious TMI sex conversations you sometimes slip into with people you know really well, I heard something that stopped me mid-iced latte. Totally casually, as though it was no big deal, a friend asked if the rest of us enjoyed receiving oral sex, because she really, well, didn’t.
I couldn’t believe it. How could you not enjoy something that is completely and totally dedicated to your pleasure, and yours alone? Surely she was alone in this, I thought. Not so! As soon as the question was posed, a definite majority of the group was on her side! Some disliked it altogether, some liked it OK but were pretty “meh” about the whole concept, and I was the only holdout for it being truly awesome.
I have to say, ladies, I just don’t get it. When I got curious, I was presented with a few primary reasons for these women not being crazy about someone heading downtown.
1. “I worry he doesn’t like doing it.”
A valid concern, on the surface: no one wants to put someone they love/like/lust after in an awkward position. But dig a little deeper for a minute, if you will. I don’t love the physical act of giving a blow job, but I love love love how good I can make someone feel when I do it! Isn’t that the point of all this? If he doesn’t care about making you feel good, then forget him. Seriously. Now.
2. “I’m self-conscious about the appearance/smell/yadda yadda yadda of my ladyparts.”
Are you naked? ‘Cause he won’t notice anything else. But seriously, folks, I know that if I am in need of a little yard work, I am uncomfortable with someone getting too close down there. With a little maintenance, it’s a non-issue. And that’s just me: you may prefer more or less, all or nothing at all. Maintain what YOU like, not what you think someone else will find attractive. It’s subjective, anyway, and any man who has specific opinions on your pubic hair should really get over it. Even if he does have opinions, they should be a preference, not a deal-breaker. If you’re still feeling fidgety, remember: women all have the same bits, and you probably look and smell much like the rest of us ladies, and any man worth his salt knows and appreciates this.
3. “I don’t enjoy it all that much. I just prefer sex.”
My working theory is that this stems from one of the first two reasons, which can distract you so entirely from the present moment that you won’t enjoy anything at all. But if you really just think it doesn’t feel good, then, well, I didn’t want to get all “you’ve just never been with someone who was good at it” on you, but you’ve just never been with someone who was good at it. Bad oral sex is….pretty bad. Pretty useless, at best. Men who are too rough, or fast, or seem to think that imitating porn stars is the way to go just need a little direction. If the usual strategically placed moans don’t work, most men dig it if you tell them what you want. Honestly, if you can tell him “ohhhh do that again,” or “I love it when you…” you’re golden. It might feel like awkward dirty talk at first, but trust me, it’ll get the job done and probably turn him on in the process. Everybody wins!
It is incredible to have someone focused entirely on making you feel amazing (and trust me, that is different than someone who is just trying to warm you up so he can get his groove on. Forget that guy also. Immediately.). You give, should you not also have the chance to lay back, relax and receive? On top of it being an incredible orgasm on its own, oral sex makes any sex that follows utterly toe-curling, because you are so revved up and ready to go. That is one of the little gifts of being a woman: the first orgasm only prepares you for the next one.
If you think you don’t like it, try it again. You don’t know what you’re missing.
Originally posted by Gemma – NYU
[Lead image via VeraSmirnova /Shutterstock]