Heading South of My Border? Yessss, Please! [Friday Faves]

Taking a walk with some friends one day, sipping coffee and having one of those hilarious TMI sex conversations you sometimes slip into with people you know really well, I heard something that stopped me mid-iced latte.  Totally casually, as though it was no big deal, a friend asked if the rest of us enjoyed receiving oral sex, because she really, well, didn’t.

Say WHAT?!?!?

I couldn’t believe it. How could you not enjoy something that is completely and totally dedicated to your pleasure, and yours alone? Surely she was alone in this, I thought. Not so! As soon as the question was posed, a definite majority of the group was on her side! Some disliked it altogether, some liked it OK but were pretty “meh” about the whole concept, and I was the only holdout for it being truly awesome.

I have to say, ladies, I just don’t get it. When I got curious, I was presented with a few primary reasons for these women not being crazy about someone heading downtown.

1. “I worry he doesn’t like doing it.”
A valid concern, on the surface: no one wants to put someone they love/like/lust after in an awkward position. But dig a little deeper for a minute, if you will. I don’t love the physical act of giving a blow job, but I love love love how good I can make someone feel when I do it! Isn’t that the point of all this? If he doesn’t care about making you feel good, then forget him. Seriously. Now.

2. “I’m self-conscious about the appearance/smell/yadda yadda yadda of my ladyparts.”
Are you naked? ‘Cause he won’t notice anything else. But seriously, folks, I know that if I am in need of a little yard work, I am uncomfortable with someone getting too close down there.  With a little maintenance, it’s a non-issue. And that’s just me: you may prefer more or less, all or nothing at all.  Maintain what YOU like, not what you think someone else will find attractive. It’s subjective, anyway, and any man who has specific opinions on your pubic hair should really get over it.  Even if he does have opinions, they should be a preference, not a deal-breaker. If you’re still feeling fidgety, remember: women all have the same bits, and you probably look and smell much like the rest of us ladies, and any man worth his salt knows and appreciates this.

3. “I don’t enjoy it all that much. I just prefer sex.”
My working theory is that this stems from one of the first two reasons, which can distract you so entirely from the present moment that you won’t enjoy anything at all. But if you really just think it doesn’t feel good, then, well, I didn’t want to get all “you’ve just never been with someone who was good at it” on you, but you’ve just never been with someone who was good at it. Bad oral sex is….pretty bad. Pretty useless, at best.  Men who are too rough, or fast, or seem to think that imitating porn stars is the way to go just need a little direction.  If the usual strategically placed moans don’t work, most men dig it if you tell them what you want. Honestly, if you can tell him “ohhhh do that again,” or “I love it when you…” you’re golden. It might feel like awkward dirty talk at first, but trust me, it’ll get the job done and probably turn him on in the process. Everybody wins!

It is incredible to have someone focused entirely on making you feel amazing (and trust me, that is different than someone who is just trying to warm you up so he can get his groove on. Forget that guy also. Immediately.). You give, should you not also have the chance to lay back, relax and receive? On top of it being an incredible orgasm on its own, oral sex makes any sex that follows utterly toe-curling, because you are so revved up and ready to go. That is one of the little gifts of being a woman: the first orgasm only prepares you for the next one.

If you think you don’t like it, try it again.  You don’t know what you’re missing.

Originally posted by Gemma – NYU

[Lead image via VeraSmirnova /Shutterstock]

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  1. Miriam says:

    Ehhh I don't know. This is all completely valid, of course, but not everyone is going to like every single sex act. I don't think women who don't like getting oral are necessarily kidding themselves…

  2. […] • The first woman to ever not enjoy oral sex. Seriously this guy must be doing something very wrong (CollegeCandy) […]

  3. […] • The first woman to ever not enjoy oral sex. Seriously this guy must be doing something very wrong (CollegeCandy) […]

  4. Cate says:

    I think you may be right that women who actively hate oral must have encountered a lot of partners who were doing it wrong, but having been with both partners who are incredibly talented and those who were…less so, I still have to say that I do not see what the big deal is. For me personally, orgasms from intercourse are much more intense and enjoyable than any clitoral ones, so oral honestly seems sort of pointless as far as I'm concerned.

    1. Como...? says:


  5. Jess says:

    Is it really that hard to believe that not every woman enjoys cunnilingus? It just doesn't do anything for some of us, the same way some woman love anal sex, or giving blow jobs, or being tied up, and some don't.

  6. Jay B says:

    I'm sorry but I have to disagree. It doesn't matter how good or bad your partner is, but some women just plain don't enjoy oral sex. I'm sure you probably don't enjoy being spanked, bitten, tied up, and all the other things I love about S&M, but I don't say to you it just means your partner isn't doing it right. Different women like different things – I like it kinky and rough, I hate oral sex. A tongue is not the same as a p****. It feels slippery and gross and it dries me up and I basically have an allergic reaction to saliva down there. If you had an allergic reaction every time a guy did it to you, I guarantee you wouldn't find it pleasurable either. He could be a gold medal winner in going down, but it still wouldn't change my body's reaction to it. No two women are the same, so don't assume a man is incompetent because his woman doesn't enjoy it.

  7. Venessah says:

    Everyone seems to really be taking this article to heart. It’s the writers opinion,calm down. I never liked oral sex until I met my last bf. I think it was more cuz I was comfortable with him and he was really good at it. I’d prefer it to sex any day but I can also understand why some people may feel different. Just a matter of preference I guess.

  8. SaraK says:

    I’m kind of offended that you think my preference for penetration stems from some kind of psychological hang up or lack of skill on my (many, male and female) partners’ side. I love every part of my body, and I prefer activities which make me feel the best and give me the strongest orgasms, and for me that comes from internal stimulation. Oral sex takes longer and I don’t find it as satisfying. I’m impatient. :-)

    I also enjoy being whipped, slapped and choked, but I don’t question those who don’t. Stop trying to make women feel bad for their personal preferences in the bedroom.

  9. Bret says:

    I am a man, and I LOVE, and I do mean LOVE the aroma and the taste and the feel of "going south of the Border"! As long as the woman is clean, and takes care of herself, then I would love to stay down for as long as she can handle me being there! After all, as is said of SCUBA divers, we go deeper, and we stay down longer! There is something so AWESOME about opening your eyes and looking to either side of your head, and seeing your wife's thighs so close to my head. I find that a HUGE turn on too. So, giving oral pleasure is more than just about giving her pleasure, for to me, I am loving every second of it while I am pleasing her.

  10. SaraK says:

    Me too, Bret – I looove giving oral sex to women. I just don’t particularly dig it myself.

  11. gina says:

    Its weird, I am one of those women who just doesn't really thoroughly enjoy it, I find getting special attention like that does distract me & makes me feel terribly self conscious & that makes it less pleasurable. My mind wanders & it just doesn't turn me on that much, I wish it did & I would love to learn to go crazy over it, but I don't know how….Could it really be the men have just been inadequate & lacking skills? I just don't get the same spark from it as I do from intercourse. In fact I think I would rather give than receive in this case. I feel kind of like a freak because I don't respond to it like most women. My husband seems to enjoy it in general, but he knows it doesn't move me much, so he cant get much pleasure from doing it to me either. It kind of makes me sad.

  12. Guest says:

    I love doing it for my wife – love the taste, the scent, the texture (just have to be careful to get a good angle or I develop a heck of a crick in my neck).

    She doesn't much get into it. She definitely has reasons number 1 and 2 going (major body image issues), but I think most of it is she is absolutely grossed out by the thought of doing it to me and can't get past the idea that I'm doing it to guilt her into reciprocating. While I would be in absolute heaven if she would reciprocate, I honestly do love that act of giving it to her even without any anticipation that I'll get any back. I tell her I'm doing this for her pleasure, so just relax and shamelessly enjoy it.

  13. Love says:

    I am 43 and I like it but I have never had and orgasm while getting it…my man gets mad at me because I cant cum. I haven't really had it done to me much so dont know how to relax…and it really pisses him of not sure what to do…

  14. FRED says:


    1. eyebrow licker says:

      lol , says Fred…as he types in his Momma's basement, next to his blowup dolly girlfriend

    2. Jasper says:

      You the grammatical skill of a 2nd grader… Also typing in all caps MAKES IT SEEM LIKE YOU ARE SHOUTING!

  15. Tiz says:

    I love it :D

    Though men should learn how to do it. And accept hint when they are offered!

  16. Oral sex is a really intimate thing so some girls at first don't want it. Guys on the other hand don't care at all. It could be the first day or 25 day later guys want it lol

    Some guys performing oral sex have no idea what they are doing. The south is a very sensitive area that needs a lot of special care. I recently read an article that had this great technique… instead of trying to work through her with your tongue, use your bottom lip to stimulate her. Rub your lip in an up and down motion over her clitoris . Read more here

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