On Meeting New People and Non-Committal Guys [Dear DBN]
I just moved 2,000 miles away from my last home. I don’t know a soul in my new town, so I’ll be seeking out new friends and allies with no periphery friends to provide a character check. But just because my footing is unstable, that’s no reason not to put myself out there. When on the hunt for new friends and companionship, it’s important to take the time and effort to recognize what’s gold and what’s a brassy piece of pyrite. Everyone’s looking for something, whether that be a new friend, a quick lay, or the love of their life, and you won’t know at which point in that journey they’re on when you meet them. Here are this week’s question on meeting people and reading people… practices centuries old and never a day easier.
I’ve always had trouble talking to new people, especially at parties where everyone knows each other except me. Other than the same old tips like “just be yourself” and brush up on current events etc. I feel like I’m just intruding on other people’s conversations. Advice?
“Be yourself” is a guideline, not a how-to. Things that will actually help spark conversation include, but are not limited to: statement necklaces, band t-shirts, jerseys, incredible haircuts, helping tend bar, bringing food, being the one person with a lighter, etc. Jumping into another person’s conversation is always a crapshoot – you never know what’s personal, who’s having a bad day or who’s just downright nasty to begin, so this time give people a reason to approach you instead.
Also, tell the host or the friend that you’re going with that you’d like to meet some new people. Depending on how well you know them, this could range from, “thanks for inviting me tonight! I don’t really know anyone so I would love to be introduced to some of your friends!” all the way to, “I want to meet some hot guys tonight but I swear to God if you walk up to one and tell him I’m single and ready to mingle, I will fill your shampoo bottle with Nair.”
If you happen to meet a new friend you hit it off with, just be honest that you don’t know anyone. At the end of the day, people think mainly about their own position and how they’re affecting people. No one leaves a party thinking, “I can’t believe that desperate girl admitted she had no friends.” People want to help – give them a chance to.
Remember, lots of party goers feel exactly the same way you do. And if all else fails, you could just ask a group of people who should be cast as Christian Grey. This will at least lead to an exciting game of Kill-F#%k-Marry.
Why are boys so wishy-washy?! And am I a fool for falling for it every time…?
There’s a fine line between hopeful and foolish. When you’re hungry and you see that juicy hamburger and fries just waiting for you, it takes a strong soul to consider what that might do to their stomach before demolishing it.
You’re looking for something meaningful and there’s nothing wrong with that, but be cautious with your mention of “every time.” Just how many times are you falling and they’re leaving you wondering? You can’t actually have something meaningful with so many people. Give yourself some time to see if you’re even into the next person, or if you’re just into being into someone. When someone really cares about you, romantically or otherwise, they make it clear.
CollegeCandy is excited to announce that we’ve partnered up with one of our favorite Tumblrs, DateByNumbers, to bring you some of her very best advice. Each week she’ll tackle your questions. Life, love, sex, the real world…nothing will be off limits. To submit a question of your own, visit her “Ask” page and keep an eye on CollegeCandy every Thursday afternoon!