Big Girls Need Love Too [Diary of the Undateable]
This is something that I’ve avoided talking about for the longest. I guess it’s because I don’t want to admit the truth.
I’ve always been on the heavier side…for as long as I can remember, I’ve had chubby cheeks, a round belly and plenty of cushion for the pushing (though no one’s pushed yet…). My family used food to show that they care. Special meals when I made good grades, birthday dinners at nice restaurants and my mom’s baked goods whenever I got home from school.
I was diagnosed with PCOS at the age of 12, and I’d been frantically avoiding diabetes before that. I’m trying to shed the weight off, but truthfully I lack discipline. I diet for one week and go back to my old habits the next. I work out for a consecutive month and eventually let school and work keep me out of the gym. As I mentioned, I’m super shy…I’ve hidden behind my extra pounds for years to avoid breaking out of my shell. And now my weight is affecting my dating life.
I know that there are curvy girls, thick girls and plus size princesses that get plenty of male attention. I’ve heard about it, seen it and read about it. But there are also some men who aren’t comfortable dating someone like me – someone that’s overweight. Their reasons vary; they think that I’ll die earlier, they think that I’m not active and/or fun, they’re too embarrassed to be out with me in public, they fear public speculation…the list goes on and on.
Yes, I know my weight is a personal problem that I need to change. But as I change my lifestyle, I’m learning how to be comfortable in my skin. I don’t want my weight to dictate my life anymore. I have lovely friends and family members that I chill with regularly. I have an awesome summer internship that didn’t shun me because of my size. I enjoy shopping and getting dolled up (probably too much). But there are still times when I barricade myself in my room on the weekends. I’m afraid to be that girl at the club who no one wants to dance with or the girl that no one talks to at the bar or even worse: the DUFF. Sigh. It’s true what they say, y’all: big girls DEFINITELY need love too.
When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.
[Lead image via Sam DCruz/Shutterstock]