Big Girls Need Love Too [Diary of the Undateable]

June 15, 2012 5:00 pm     Posted in Body, Homepage Exclusive, Reality, Relationships  Khalea - Howard University g+ page


By Khalea

This is something that I’ve avoided talking about for the longest. I guess it’s because I don’t want to admit the truth.

I’ve always been on the heavier side…for as long as I can remember, I’ve had chubby cheeks, a round belly and plenty of cushion for the pushing (though no one’s pushed yet…). My family used food to show that they care. Special meals when I made good grades, birthday dinners at nice restaurants and my mom’s baked goods whenever I got home from school.

I was diagnosed with PCOS at the age of 12, and I’d been frantically avoiding diabetes before that. I’m trying to shed the weight off, but truthfully I lack discipline. I diet for one week and go back to my old habits the next. I work out for a consecutive month and eventually let school and work keep me out of the gym. As I mentioned, I’m super shy…I’ve hidden behind my extra pounds for years to avoid breaking out of my shell. And now my weight is affecting my dating life.

I know that there are curvy girls, thick girls and plus size princesses that get plenty of male attention. I’ve heard about it, seen it and read about it. But there are also some men who aren’t comfortable dating someone like me – someone that’s overweight. Their reasons vary; they think that I’ll die earlier, they think that I’m not active and/or fun, they’re too embarrassed to be out with me in public, they fear public speculation…the list goes on and on.

Yes, I know my weight is a personal problem that I need to change. But as I change my lifestyle, I’m learning how to be comfortable in my skin. I don’t want my weight to dictate my life anymore. I have lovely friends and family members that I chill with regularly. I have an awesome summer internship that didn’t shun me because of my size. I enjoy shopping and getting dolled up (probably too much). But there are still times when I barricade myself in my room on the weekends. I’m afraid to be that girl at the club who no one wants to dance with or the girl that no one talks to at the bar or even worse: the DUFF. Sigh. It’s true what they say, y’all: big girls DEFINITELY need love too.

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

[Lead image via Sam DCruz/Shutterstock]

11 Comments on "Big Girls Need Love Too [Diary of the Undateable]"

  1. Kate says:
    Fri, 15th Jun 20125:47 pm 

    Oh honey, I can relate. But I promise you, it does get better. Please believe that you are beautiful! Any man who is scared off by your size is not a worthy man for you. And there are lots of men out there who will be interested in you just as you are. I used to feel like I would have to settle for a man who was just "okay" because no one I was interested in would be interested in me due to my size. But I've since met a wonderful man (who I am in no way settling for) and he makes me feel beautiful every day! There are amazing, handsome, charming, sweet men out there who will do the same for you, I know it. Just keep your chin up, and know that you deserve the BEST the world can offer you.

  2. carinatb says:
    Fri, 15th Jun 20126:31 pm 

    Good luck! I am working on it to and it's hard. But in the end, I KNOW it wil be worth it.

  3. nolegirl says:
    Fri, 15th Jun 201211:50 pm 

    I really appreciate your honestly. This post isn't saying it's okay to be over weight. But you know, sometimes it happens. And we're just as much of people as anyone else! Big girls need lovin too! :)

  4. Lisa says:
    Sat, 16th Jun 20123:04 am 

    Thank you for this. I just got out a relationship that I thought was too good be true because he loved me despite my weight. I'm trying to sort out the issues without using food or blaming the long overdue breakup on my weight. Keep it up!

  5. Vinnie says:
    Sun, 17th Jun 20128:44 am 

    I’m afraid to be that girl at the club who no one wants to dance with or the girl that no one talks to at the bar or even worse: the DUFF. Sigh. It’s true what they say, y’all: big girls DEFINITELY need love too.

  6. Nessa says:
    Sun, 17th Jun 20124:22 pm 

    Such a good read and so relatable. Ive been diagnosed with PCOS just a few months ago, and still struggling to come to terms with it, as well as having a chronic insecurity about my body. I applaud you for having the courage to speak up about it and like Kate said, he isn't worth it if he doesn't like you for what you are/ look like!

  7. Melissa says:
    Sun, 17th Jun 201211:59 pm 

    What the blazing is going on! Let me tell you my dear that it's your confidence that will draw people in. I have been heavier all my life and let me tell you there are PLENTY of men who LOVE a big woman and plenty of men who will love you for the confident person I know is in there. Start believing that you're worth dating and suddenly you will be. I promise. Don't get so hung up on oh "a lot of men don't like a big girl" well that can be said for everything a lot of men don't like tall girls, skinny girls, girls with short hair, asians, white girls, latinos, african americans, I can go on and on. Everyone has preferences. Your job is to find those who like exactly what you are.

  8. Lauren says:
    Mon, 2nd Jul 201211:58 am 

    Great article. When I first started dating, I definitely thought that some boys were too good to be true because they overlooked my weight.

    But then it dawned on me: boys weren't dating me in spite of my flaws; they were dating because for the positives. Keep up the confidence!

  9. sellyourusedbook.com says:
    Thu, 5th Jul 20121:26 pm 

    No money, no honey

  10. Mita says:
    Sat, 14th Jul 20121:47 am 

    ohhh, alexandra. i love waitnchg you get better with every shoot. the first one is phenomenal, and i love the way you rocked so much flare in these. yeeeep! pretty awesome. i miss london.

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