Linz says:
Fri, 15th Jun 201212:47 pm 

One, I feel like you're someone I'd definitely get along with, and two, as long as you're being smart and careful there's no reason why you shouldn't enjoy yourself and the lifestyle you live. It's YOUR life, not anyone elses. Labels should stay on soup cans. And anything else that requires a scanner and being rung up, not on people.

Lauren says:
Fri, 15th Jun 20121:23 pm 

yes, people with decent morals will view you as a slut.

Sima Agayeva says:
Fri, 15th Jun 20122:53 pm 

I love the way this was written. Kudos. Sex is not bad. Sex is natural. Sex sex sex sex. Why are people so scared to talk about it?

Sima Agayeva says:
Fri, 15th Jun 20122:54 pm 

I have a feeling you are being serious and honestly, it pains me to know you are actually this ignorant.

Maria says:
Fri, 15th Jun 20122:57 pm 

It's so funny that you're complaining about being labeled a slut. Today I picked up the newspaper and there was this interview from a portuguese male photographer (a straight one) that said portuguese women are the most unaccessible of all and you can't get to know them unless it's through a friend or you have 10 common friends on Facebook. Also I was reading a magazine the other day in wich a psychologist bashed people in their 20's who are virgins, talking about that a being a mental issue! And you wanna talk being labeled a slut? Try being a 20 year-old virgin like me. I'm also judged because of my choice of waiting for the right guy and probably more than you are because it seems like people just wish I was sleeping with the first guy I meet at the bar or was a teen mom…

Sima Agayeva says:
Fri, 15th Jun 20124:46 pm 

You shouldn't care what people think. Live your own life. Have sex with whoever you want to. Have sex with yourself. I used to be the same way until the day I had an epiphany and realized I really don't care what people think of me. It's about being confident.

LC. says:
Fri, 15th Jun 201210:33 pm 

While I agree that everyone should definitely have the freedom to choose whatever they want to do sexually, I'm troubled by this article. In the story, the doctor never called you a "slut," and I think it's a mistake to associate her taking about STDs and birth control with slutiness. Doctors are there to protect your health, and yes, casual sex really is "that serious" when it comes to physical health. Sex can be emotionally "casual," but it can never be physically "casual" because there is always a risk of STDs and pregnancy. When your doctor says these things, he or she is almost certainly NOT judging you in the least bit! Please remember that STDS AND PREGNANCY DO NOT JUST HAPPEN TO "SLUTS." Many people deal with these issues after having sex with only one partner, even only one time. We need to break out of the mindset that STDs and pregnancy happen to "sluts" or bad people and be aware of our own individual sexual health, which includes being tested regularly.

Danielle says:
Sat, 16th Jun 20121:15 pm 

Actually people with decent morals are taught not to judge others.

Sara W. says:
Sat, 16th Jun 20125:34 pm 

I gotta agree with Maria. You, dear writer, are the norm of what youngsters are nowadays. Those who don't do that, as Maria wonderfully points out, are actually the ones considered weird. So don't feel bad about ONE person's "look" (she didn't even say anything, dude) because the truth is your riding the coming tide of what's normal & a lot less people would view you as the doc did (cause the majority are that way themselves).

Ashley says:
Sat, 16th Jun 20125:39 pm 

So true!!! That's what I was thinking. The whole point of the field of medicine is to take care of your health. The doctor was NOT judging you or trying to make you feel uncomfortable (that's counteractive to their job) Perhaps you don't realize the seriousness of this freedom so all the doctor was trying to do was help you understand that you've got to be a tad more cautious while casual. Like LC said, these things (STDs, pregnancy, etc.) don't just happen to "sluts" so be more up-to-date when dealing with your own physical sexual health.

Shortcut says:
Sat, 16th Jun 201211:49 pm 

When I got my first pelvic exam a year ago I told my doctor I was sexually active with my boyfriend of 2 years and that he was the only person I’d ever been with, vice versa. She still lectured me on pregnancy and STDs. That’s just the doctor’s job.

Melissa says:
Mon, 18th Jun 201212:07 am 

Just to answer the question… you can NEVER stop others from having whatever preconceived notions or thoughts they may have. What is important for you to remember is that you do not live off of the opinions of others. You live for yourself. If you're happy in your life then the judgment of others does not matter. Live honestly and have fun. Be safe.

@agoddessinlove says:
Tue, 19th Jun 201211:48 pm 

You 'like' sex? I am hoping that you feel free to gleefully shout from the rooftops 'I LOVE SEX!' Your sexuality is incredibly powerful and uniquely yours to give to whomever you want, when you want. All the responsibility that comes with the territory is well worth the investment. Sounds like you are doing just fine, don't worry too much. Turns out, everything IS going to be okay.

Iain says:
Sat, 7th Jul 20121:20 pm 

Sounds like you need to get a decent doctor – one who doesn't force their morals down your neck (or judge you for being normal!) Prudes need to learn that their issues should not be publicly published.

Ariel Jordan says:
Thu, 12th Jul 20128:06 pm 

I think the most important thing is that you feel comfortable with yourself and what you're doing. That said, as long as you're safe and respectful to yourself, you shouldn't worry too much about what other people think. Everyone will always have their own opinions, and the one person you need to be true to is yourself!

Anyhow, on the safe train, have you seen these? http://blissfulgoodies.com/Condoms-Variety-Pack-C… If you're pretty active and not with just one guy, it might be a good investment! If you want some other ideas, check out this article, Six Sex Essentials: http://goarticles.com/article/Six-Sex-Essentials/…

JCL says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:04 pm 

No, it's not.

DonM says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:18 pm 

If you act like a slut, then you are a slut.

If you don't then you are not. How would your mother feel about your dad spending nights with a girl like you? How would your dad feel about your mother having circulated as you have.

If you don't like the connotation, then change yourself. Act in a way that you will be proud of yourself later on. Then you can enjoy your life a second time as you remember it.

whosebone says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:19 pm 

you say slut like its a bad thing )

ertdfg says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:24 pm 

So you have casual sex, with multiple partners, but you think it's silly or offensive that your doctor might talk to you about STD's and pregnancy?

Did someone miss having a talk with you? Do you still think storks bring babies?

Are you under the impression that condoms are 100% effective?

Calling you a slut isn't helpful; but some medical advice to avoid complications from your lifestyle (which could easily have complications) seems like the sort of thing people go to doctors for…

"is casual sex really that serious?" Medically, it certainly can be that serious.

MassJim says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:29 pm 

I think it is wonderful that you love sex. I could care less if you sleep with the Lithuanian Olympic Curling Team. Just don't send me the bill. If you have a child out of wedlock, deal with it yourself. If you are inclined to abort, pay for it yourself and don't look to me for pity if you feel guilty in twenty years.

whocares says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:31 pm 

For those who condemn the doc for expressing disapproval, stop moralizing! She's a doctor who obviously has experience treating people with STD's and as we all should know by now STD's are nasty and some are incurable. The psychic damage to a women in her 20's with herpes is considerable no? Its likely to really but the breaks on marriage or successful LTR's, no?
So this doctor isn't moralizing just concerned about the safety of her patient. Good grief people!

Joe Herrold says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:35 pm 

yes, you are a slut.
don't ask the question and complain about the answer.
you could be a slut and not enjoy sex as well.
it's your life, not my problem.

rbo says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:38 pm 

Merriam-Webster – definition of slut by the Free Online Dictionary.

slut (sl t). n. 1. a. A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.

By definition you are a slut. One question: Why do you think society has traditionally warned against being a slut? To be a cosmic killjoy? There actually are logical reasons not to share bodily fluids with complete strangers. It would be more interesting to read an article that discussed the pros and cons of acting like a slut. This article showed all the intellectual depth of the media of music, television and movies, encouraging living for the moment with no regard to the long term consequences. Unfortunately the law of gravity hasn't been repealed.

Wild Bill says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:39 pm 

Yes you are a slut. Can I get your phone number?

bradford says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:41 pm 

Yes it is. It's call high risk behavior. Try giving blood and tell them you engage in high risk behavior.

Sam says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:42 pm 

STDs are a leading reason that antibiotics aren't working as well as they did in the past. As STDs have become more resistant, we've been forced to unleash stronger and stronger antibiotics to fight them and in the process we've reduced the efficacy of antibiotics for everyone. If you get antibiotic resistant gonorrhea, then your fun suddenly becomes my bill. And yes, I'm tired of paying for it. I'd rather use antibiotics for things that weren't voluntary.

PS. Spend a little less time having sex and a bit more time learning to write. Your style is halting, choppy and painful to read. You don't need half the punctuation used in your article.

Webster says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:43 pm 

Enjoying sex does not make you a slut – it makes you human – sex was designed to be enjoyed!

Having sex with any Tom or Jerry that strikes your fancy makes you a slut. Look up the definition.

So you are a slut. If you don't wanna be one – keep your pants on until you are married

Mommynator says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:44 pm 

Apparently, you are ignorant. One can die from stupid sex. There are reasons that every last culture and society has regulated sex, and no it's not because they were all killjoys. They realized the consequences of stupid and promiscuous sex, and those reasons still exist. Health – physical, emotional and mental – are at the top of the list. Divorcing one of the things that keeps people together through life – good, bad, indifferent – from its intended purposes is another.

Apparently, you need more education and an eye to the future.

Chris says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:47 pm 

Yeah, you're a slut. But hey, at least you'll be used up and undesirable in another five to ten years!

David says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:48 pm 

Stupid is as stupid does. Slut is as slut does. You're a slut.

TP says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:49 pm 

Men like sluts, they just don’t want to marry them. A big partner count is a huge negative when judging a potential wife.

Possum says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:50 pm 

Perhaps in paragraph four you meant "exploits" instead of "exploitations"?
Maybe not…

David says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20125:57 pm 

In an earlier comment, I said you are a slut, but "unpaid whore" is really a better description for you.

J11 says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20126:00 pm 

"Then she asked me if I wanted a pregnancy test. For the love of God – is casual sex really that serious?"

Yes, it is. Forget the moralizing. You can catch nasty stuff sleeping around; limiting the list to people you know will reduce – but not eliminate – the risk. You can also get pregnant. If you think you'll just get an abortion if that happens, understand that until you're put in a situation where that might be necessary, you don't know whether you could go through with it or whether you'd be wracked with guilt the rest of your life if you did.

As described here, you are a slut. Get used to people (accurately) labeling you as such. You'll probably want to get married someday. You do understand that what a guy will sleep with and what he'll marry are two different things, right? You can forget about guys who know or have been told about your history. As to liking sex, everybody does; get over yourself.

Herp McDerp says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20126:05 pm 

"I think the most important thing is that you feel comfortable with yourself and what you're doing."

Ariel, I hope you and she are comfortable when you have your herpes outbreaks. (By the way, condoms won't always keep you from contacting herpes.) And I hope you're comfortable when your boyfriends dump you if you don't tell them you have it and you transmit it to them.

Scott says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20126:06 pm 

I'm always astonished at the "sex without consequences" message that so many otherwise intelligent 20- and 30-somethings seem to have embraced without much thought or critical thinking. Whether it's thanks to "Sex and the City" or merely another byproduct of the Sexual Revolution doesn't really matter. I would urge young women in particular to investigate the possible long-term *emotional* consequences to promiscuity (however you define it). Credible studies are showing that as the number of sex partners escalates, the ability to form (and enjoy) long-lasting intimacy – like, in marriage? – decreases. There also seems to be a strong correlation between a high(er) number of sex partners and depression. For women who'd prefer a Hugh Hefner-like conveyor belt of superficial hookups, rather than true intimacy and long-term happiness, by all means… Slut it up. Just make sure you know the possible price you're paying.

Herp McDerp says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20126:07 pm 

"All the responsibility that comes with the territory is well worth the investment."

And IS she responsible? Doesn't sound like it, if she thinks her gyno is passing judgment on her just for telling her medical facts.

lewiswagner says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20126:07 pm 

Why did you lie to your doctor? It was a childish lie and immediately seen as such.

The multiple casual sex partners fits the definition of a slut. The lying to your doctor implies you’re stupid. Of course, your doctor lectured the stupid slut about the risks. That’s her job.

Lee Moore says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20126:09 pm 

I don't think you've quite mastered the concept of sowing wild outs. Men sow wild oats as their equipment lends itself to sowing. Women are the fields in which oats get sown, because their equipment lends itself to being sown. A woman can permit as many sowers as she pleases to sow her. If wild oats lead to consequences, the field rather than the sower gets to take them.

myth buster says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20126:30 pm 

Lying to your doctor is stupid. If you lie to your doctor, he or she will not run tests that you need to have to diagnose problems. Concealing relevant medical information can wind up killing you. And where would you get the idea that sex isn't a big deal. Sex is powerful, and powerful things that are not treated as such can kill you.

MedStudent says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20126:39 pm 

I'm a medical student and am therefore I understand the other side of this conversation. The doctcareor did not judge you to be a slut. We are trained carefully to have no reaction to the most amazing of revelations about sex – like "I swing every Friday with strangers". Believe me, we hear much, much worse than "sporadically". Your reading of the doctors reaction tells us more about how you think about yourself than what the doctor thinks. Your self-esteem is could be quite low, since you call yourself a "slut". It is possible that you value yourself so lowly that you allow yourself to be used for others pleasure. This is something that you might consider in self-examination.

I have no judgement on your lifestyle, but I do have a judgement on your failure to tell the doctor the truth. That was just stupid. Really stupid. I mean stupid to the point of "should this girl be allowed to drive, she is to stupid to be allowed to operate motor vehicles" stupid. Why should your concern about a doctor's (a stranger who is sworn to secrecy) moral opinion more than your own health and safety.

Billy Brantingham says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20126:44 pm 

Depends. My personal definition of a slut is a person, male or female, that isn't the least bit selective as to their sexual partner. I.E. the orgasm is the central focus, and it really doesn't matter if you're even attracted to the person in question. There are plenty of those types around.

HOWEVER, even if you just enjoy casual sex with interesting people, lying to your doctor about it is damn stupid. Viruses and bacteria don't give a crap about your philosophical views on the nature of sex. They just want to @#$@ you up.

PacRim Jim says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20126:49 pm 

I like sluts. Does that make me a man?

Your Inner Voice says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20126:52 pm 

If you are concerned enough about the question, inside of you, to then ask it out loud then you already know the answer. Just because it will draw a certain percentage of other people trying to justify their own socially/self destructive behavior to back you up, and certain others who feel they can expand the pool of easy lays by also encouraging behavior that they will seek to avoid when finally choosing a permanent mate…won’t change the fact that you are a slut. The yearly birthrate of bastards is now well over 40%, and statistics prove that a large percentage of those will live sub-par childhoods and end up in prison or on some form(s) of public assistance as permanent parasites on society. Women who actually want to behave are adversely affected by sluts bringing the price of sex down to rock-bottom on the open market, where general societal standards are driven downward by slatternly conduct of a certain age segment of the whole.

jms says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20126:54 pm 

Since you asked, a slut is defined as someone who has more sex than you.

ken says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20126:54 pm 

You only have sex with hot guys. You think sluts have sex with anyone. Nope, you're wrong. You are a slut.

Nomennovum says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20127:12 pm 

Don't worry. Some day you'll be a courgar too.

Art says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20127:46 pm 

You're confused. Liking sex doesn't make you a slut — everyone likes sex. Sleeping with random strangers makes you a slut. And a skank.

Look, guys love sluts and skanks because we get to bang you. But you're certainly not the kind we're going to keep.

It's obvious you know you're a slut and you feel bad about it. Here's a suggestion: meet someone you like and just sleep with him. You might want to move to a new city first, though, because that poor guy is going to hate to learn that everyone else wiped their feet on your doormat before him.

And yes, I did just compare your &*#&% to a doormat. That's probably unfair to the doormat — as far as I know, you can't catch chlamydia from a doormat.

Skank.

Judge says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20128:02 pm 

Based on your description of your actions and attitudes, yes, you are a slut (a promiscuous woman). You say you "know" you aren't, but all you have done is redefine the word so that it doesn't apply to you. It does. You may otherwise be a charming young woman, but you are also a "slut." You say you don't care…and that's the problem. Be better than you have been. Best wishes.

cjm says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20129:00 pm 

I agree with other commenters that lying to your doctor is stupid and potentially dangerous. Believe me, she has certainly heard much weirder than anything you might tell her. I suspect that she could tell from your answer that you weren't being totally honest. She likely sees a good number of people who "aren't sexually active" and yet somehow manage to get pregnant or contract STDs. You set off her BS meter and she covered your bases for you.

Second, the part that makes me think slut is "the 6'4 basketball player." While you could just be protecting his identity, I get the vibe he was a one-night stand and that wasn't unusual. (Which I suppose would mean that "explorations" would be accurate.) Does he have a name? Can you remember it? If he was more or less an animated sex toy that you saw as less than a person, then that's a little sad. The more you have sex without connecting with your partner as a person, the harder it is to connect with someone when you want to. And as great as sex is, it can be even better with someone you grow to know and want to spend time with outside of the bedroom.

Johnny says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 20129:10 pm 

So you had sex with a tall, good looking basketball player? Not because he was nice, or seemed like someone you would like to have a long term relationship with, but because he was a tall, good looking basketball player. Have you ever considered that someone like that has a LOT of casual flings with other women, because…you know, they can? It would be interesting to see you look at list, with pictures, of every woman that guy has stuck his member into. Because if you would consider even ONE of them a slut, then what does that make you? You better get regular check-ups.

Kasper Hauser says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 201210:55 pm 

Are you a slut?

Well. if "no" will get me in your pants, then "No, you are not a slut."

HC says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 201211:02 pm 

Yes, casual sex is a big deal.

Now, I detest the word ‘slut’ because it’s used to mean a bunch of different things that don’t necessarily apply. If you were a guy, most people would not be calling you a slut, regardless of how many women you’d been to bed with, because the standards society applies to men and women are so different.

The trouble is that the standards are different, in part, for legitimate reasons. It’s not trivial for _either_ sex to engage in lots of casual sex with many partners, but the implications are different for men and women, fair or not.

I am a guy, BTW. I won’t judge you for your actions morally, that’s between you and your Creator. I’m simply telling you that casual sex is a big deal. Physically, potentially medically, certainly possibly psychologically. I’m just saying that you should be _aware_ of this.

For ex, there’s the old saw (as someone mentioned above) that men like women who’ll have sex with them but commit to the ones who are choosier. Like so many things, that’s a half-truth and a half-myth, but it’s got enough truth in it that it can’t be dismissed out of hand. Women and men engaging in the exact same behavior will be judged differently, whether things should be like that or not, they are like that.

Be _aware_ of things,and remember that you may look at things differently 20 years from now than you currently do.

McFee says:
Mon, 23rd Jul 201211:19 pm 

This is a most interesting thread. You ask us to judge you, right after you feel your doctor judged you. Masochist would describe you well. A number of people have said you are stupid, and if by that they mean you have enough information to know better and still take chances, chances are they are right. Pretty much everyone who has responded has made a judgment about you. Me too.

For many men, your behavior excludes you as a candidate for a long term relationship. The woman who suggested not worrying about what others think must not have run into any men they wanted to have a relationship with, but lost out because of previous behavior.

You've had a wonderful opportunity though. Having asked for and received feedback, you are now in a position to be much wiser than you were. I'll give you a little too. A person who can abstain from sex until marriage has a lot of self control. I would trust that person a lot more to be faithful in marriage. For a couple like that that gets married, it sure is a lot less worry. I've been married 30+ years and I've never had to worry about unwanted pregnancies, STDs or previous sex partners because we both waited. It wasn't on account of not liking sex that we waited. As a guy, it was pretty hard to do. I feel it was worth it. Once I was married, we went crazy with it. Out of thousands of attempts we had a few successes and three of those have given us grandkids. Coolness in the extreme.

Now go back to your doctor, explain your actual lifestyle, get tested for STDs and possibly see someone about your getting your head straight. It isn't bad to like sex, but you are taking unnecessary risks which could impact you or loved ones in the future. If you hold off long enough to find someone you can have a long term relationship with that is trustworthy, then you can have all you want, have kids, and get respect from people for having your fun in a way that won't cause trouble down the road.

Perry says:
Tue, 24th Jul 20126:56 am 

You might want to look up the symptoms of narcissism to see if any relate to you. You can't help the culture or the generation you were born into, but neither neither of those groups is you, and neither will be taking the responsibility for what you do. You live with your actions. If you were a slut, you wouldn't be asking the question. Ask yourself how you'd feel if your daughter were mirroring your behavior.

Roland says:
Tue, 24th Jul 20128:24 am 

Well, to answer your question, by definition, yes, you are a slut. Merriam Webster can answer that question for you. But allow me to opine for a moment here…

I highly doubt you don't already know the answer to that question. I suspect that you're seeking affirmation from other women (or men) who may engage in the same type of careless behavior. Just a hunch.

I've read most of these comments, and there is a general theme here. 1) Your behavior is risky and irresponsible. You can claim to take all the precautions you want. Nothing is 100% full proof. On top of that, going home with random guys you DON'T KNOW, whether you have sex with them or not, is the height of stupidity. Turn on the news. There are some creepy, dangerous sociopaths out there. 2) Liking sex doesn't make you a slut. Having sex with random people because you "have needs" does though. Get a vibrator, or find a person you can trust and be monogamous with. 3) This will affect your reputation. Others have mentioned it, but "numbers" do scare off potential long-term relationships. This isn't a death sentence, as many women have made the same mistakes you have, and have changed. But in all likelihood, you won't find a long-term relationship amongst your circle of friends, and you may even have to move elsewhere. No man wants someone that is so controlled by their "needs" and impulses that they can't contain themselves. And no guy wants a doormat that everyone else has wiped their feet on.

Before all of you start with the "ZOMG thats teh double-starnderdz," allow me to state this: I feel the same way about men. I have a daughter, and damn it all to hell if I'd want her to date some guy that was a dirtbag that slept around. You can easily apply the term "slut" to many men also.

I would just advise you of this: consider your current actions, and their future consequences. STD's are a good possibility with your antics. And no man wants to marry a slut.

Fair or not, that's a fact of life.

AW says:
Tue, 24th Jul 20123:13 pm 

Merely liking sex doesn’t make you a slut, any more than liking food makes me a glutton. On the other hand, behaving like a slut definitely makes you a slut.

James says:
Wed, 25th Jul 20121:38 pm 

If you have sex, casual or not, with anyone you don't know (such as this 6'4 basketball player) then yes, you are a kind of slut. You are not the kind who masturbate for an hour a day, who are what most would class as a 'slut.' You are probably a generally nice woman, but you seem to go with a guy just because of his looks, and possibly his sexual build. In other words, you are a 'half-slut'.

Donna says:
Fri, 17th Aug 20129:23 am 

Sounds like what you need is a nice warm glass of shut the f*** up! Slut.

Tina says:
Fri, 17th Aug 20129:26 am 

Oh I'm sorry and you're such a freaking genius that you know the answer, the syphilis must be going to your brain. Thanks for ruining antibiotics a**hole!

Hilary says:
Fri, 17th Aug 20129:38 am 

Give that speech to her when she's caught an STD or has fallen pregnant by one of her unknown one night stands and see if it still has that romanticized ring to it.