What does it mean if we’ve been dating a year, but he still doesn’t want me to meet his family? He says they’re super protective and old fashioned…is he ever going to let me into that part of his life?
The Girl Who Waited
Dear The Girl Who Waited,
I’ve been waiting for your question all of your life. I swear I just need to pop around the moon once and will be right back. 5 minutes…
…And I’m back! And your boy’s still being a baby to his momma and daddy. See, my first question is – and I’m not saying it’s a fair one – is he an only child? Is he from Texas? Or Krypton? These are all factors that seem to contribute to a more clan-like family mentality. What’s funny is to turn this on its head and ask if he’s hiding you from his family or his family from you?
Some families are EXTREMELY protective and will never be satisfied with whomever their child chooses. My mother, even after 30 years of marriage, has never been accepted by my father’s parents. Why? She’s the complete opposite of who they thought he should be with. You might not fit the description of “potential daughter-in-law” and he wants to protect you. Another possibility, he could be protecting them.
Look, not all of us like to own up to our heritage. Sometimes we’re ashamed of our family and don’t want to scare people away. I mean, if his last name’s Manson, would you really want to see the house he grew up in? Find the skeletons in the closet? Uh, no thanks.
There’s another possibility: he could be showing a bit of a lack of faith in your relationship. If he’s protecting you, he could be scared that you’re not going to be able to handle the rejection. If he’s protecting himself, he’s scared that you’ll hate his family and run because of them. Not saying that’s inherently the case, but it’s a possibility…
At the end of the day, it’s his choice when and how he introduces you to them. You can’t barge your way into that part of his life and if you did, he’d resent you for it. There’s no question it’s a gigantic step. More likely than not, his decision has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with his relationship with his family.
You’ll definitely meet them at some point, if things continue. However, it’s going to be on his timeline and terms. All you can do is continue to be patient and let him know that you’re hurt by his withholding this aspect of his life from you. You have every right to be concerned and to voice it, a dialogue’s in order, and have it out with him.
“Come along, Pond,”
The Second Dude
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]