Ridin’ Solo [Diary of the Undateable]

July 13, 2012 5:00 pm     Posted in Homepage Exclusive, Reality, Relationships  Khalea - Howard University g+ page


By Khalea

I end up being alone most of the time. It’s so tempting to make a “Hangover” wolf pack reference right now, but it’s true. Of course I have my close girlfriends and an insane amount of relatives, but most of my down time is spent wandering around the city ‘til rush hour is over. And I have no problem with that.

A few years ago, this would never ever happen. Since I’ve been single – well, forever – I’ve relied on my friends as a social crutch. And I’m sure some of you have done the same. We all go to parties together, roam the same stores in the mall and even take restroom breaks in groups. All my single ladies were a unit, and I was dependent upon it.

Now I’m learning how to be alone. That’s one thing that my mom taught me. When you enjoy being by yourself, you don’t need other people for entertainment! Learning how to enjoy your own company when you’re single is tough but necessary…especially when your girls start shooting for #teamtaken.

I was always plagued by the thought of not having anyone to hang out with or talk to since my ‘one’ doesn’t have a ‘plus-one’ yet. What happens when your bestie doesn’t call, your coworkers have after-work dates and your friends are twerking in the club?

You go on the single girl date.

Instead of waiting around for an invite, I just do things myself. It sounds so simple, right? But trust me, becoming more independent is kind of a big deal.

I’m starting small. I’ll read in the park alone. Just me, a dirty green bench and a good novel. For lunch, I’ll eat at smaller restaurants by myself – I haven’t graduated to a solo happy hour or dinner yet, though. I’ve even gotten glammed up and gone to see shows and movies without an entourage.

My goal is to eventually do my dates without a crutch. I like to pretend to be busy on my iPhone or flip through a magazine to look like I’m not lonely. I’ll learn to stop using my phone as a diversion, I’ll make contact with a cute stranger, we’ll end up in an Upper East Side apartment in a few years…okay, okay, I’m getting carried away. But I know that I’m missing many experiences while I look down at my cell or stay at home wishing someone were with me.

CollegeCandy ladies, what’s your fav single girl date?

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

[Image of woman at movies via Sergej Khakimullin /Sutterstock]

6 Comments on "Ridin’ Solo [Diary of the Undateable]"

  1. Amy says:
    Fri, 13th Jul 20128:29 pm 

    My boyfriend of 1.5 years and I broke up about two months ago, and I'm looking for this as well. It's hard when it's just you alone with your thoughts, but I think I'll be a better person for it eventually. I like going on runs and reading books at the library by myself. Ditto on the single girl lunch date, as well. Once I can be happy with 'just me' again, I will know I have succeeded.

  2. Danielle says:
    Fri, 13th Jul 201211:54 pm 

    I need to learn how to do this since I will be moving to NYC and don't know anyone. I find that if I'm by myself I'd just rather stay in because I don't have fun being out with myself with no one to talk to. But hopefully I can change that.

  3. Melisa says:
    Sat, 14th Jul 201212:18 am 

    I'm also on team solo and have been forever (22 years) but I have to say I enjoy it most of the time. As much as I love my girls and guys, I like being able to go somewhere alone from time to time, see what I want to see, and then leave right after or where ever I want to after, instead of having to come up with a team agreement of what to do next. Which I will admit is part of why I am still single. Also solo lunch is pretty nice. I have yet to graduate to solo sit down dinner, but maybe one day.

    I do love reading your articles. Even though I am a post grad and post professional school, I have been having a lot of the same experiences as you, but not as many bad online dating experiences.lol. Love that you are a fellow Black girl too. Hang in there and keep writing. :)

  4. Viola says:
    Sat, 14th Jul 20121:04 pm 

    I'm going on my single girl date with myself today to go see a movie at the theatres. At first I was supposed to go on a date with a fellow "friend" but last night he just said I wasn't all that for him. So instead of just sitting at home today, I decided to go out on a thift store shopping and then hit the movies afterwards. And I feel great! lol

  5. Amanda says:
    Tue, 13th Nov 20124:48 pm 

    I do this too! I've had a great guy come up and ask why I was lunching alone and I felt kind of awkward saying I wanted to go out by myself in a new town, but he ended up showing me some awesome places in town and it was great! I usually get glammed up and go to swankier places by myself and bring a book, laptop or a notebook and pretend I'm an artist from Paris or something and its really fun. I get to do everything I want where I want: shopping, eating, concerts, movies, art galleries. Its really wonderful.

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