Simple answer: Yes. Yeah, the majority of cases don’t work out – people get too attached, it gets too complicated, there’s judgement from other people, or it just ends awkwardly. However, as long as people go into FWB relationships being completely honest about what they expect and what they can handle, it can totally work out. So basically, there just need to be some solid rules, and agreement from the get go that both people are happy with the same arrangement. Here’s what needs to happen for the whole friends with benefits thing to work:
1. Firstly, both people need to be honest about whether they’re the type of people that can handle this kind of relationship. Do you love dates, cuddling and PDA? Maybe no strings attached isn’t for you. But if you’re single, don’t have time for a relationship and just want to get some action now and again, perfect. You should go into a FWB relationship expecting just that — a friend with benefits, nothing more.
2. When choosing a friend with benefits, be careful. It should be someone you feel really comfortable with – the great part of having a sex buddy is that you can try new things and not be judged – but not someone you really want to date. Maybe a frat bro who’s fun, but completely irresponsible. It absolutely cannot be your long term friend who you’ve always secretly thought you’d end up with. It cannot be the perfect guy for you. It cannot be a guy you really liked, who rejected you and now proposes a casual fling. Also no one that your friends or family love, there’ll be way too much pressure and it will just get awkward.
3. Related to that point, be nice when choosing your FWB. Don’t choose a guy you know is in love with you, it will just be really, really sad.
4. Set up some rules. It sounds formal, but it’s completely necessary. You need to decide exactly what the terms of your relationship are before you can start having fun. For example, would you both be okay with hooking up with other people? Can you be each other’s dates to events? Is it okay to hang out without hooking up, or is that venturing too far into relationship territory? You need to make sure you’re both on the same page to avoid anyone getting hurt.
5. Be respectful of said rules. Don’t exploit your FWB; use them for exactly what they agreed to, which means not calling them up crying and drunk, but also not treating them like your own disposable sex toy.
6. Work out exactly what you’re telling people. This doesn’t seem that important, but it really is. Are you telling people you’re hooking up? How many people? Be wary of telling your more romantic friends, they’ll put ideas in your head and say things like ‘you guys totally belong together!’. Both people need to be on the same page, you don’t want random people asking you about the arrangement if you thought you were keeping it private.
7. Be prepared to cut things off. The friends with benefits relationship probably won’t last forever, and the general case is that someone gets too emotionally involved and then it’s awkward for everyone. OR both people get emotionally involved and they start dating. If you feel like the situation is getting a bit much, or just isn’t fun anymore, cut it off immediately to avoid any serious problems. Hopefully if you do it early enough you can still be friends.
So that’s my opinion, friends with benefits can totally work out – it’s a great option for the busy college girl who doesn’t want commitment but still wants some fun. But obviously, some people are cut out for it, others aren’t. You shouldn’t feel bad if it is, or isn’t for you, the friends with benefits relationship is meant to be fun, so enjoy the option!
Do you think friends with benefits can ever really work? Leave a comment below and click here to see what He Said about no strings attached sex!