I’m Pale, Get Over It: A Fair-Skinned Manifesto [Friday Faves]

August 10, 2012 12:00 pm     Posted in Body, HaHa, Homepage Exclusive  Lauren H - The New School g+ page


By Lauren H

I was born with a skin-tone that falls somewhere between “fresh milk” and “blank paper.” I’ve heard every “where are the Seven Dwarves?” and “Ah! You’re blinding me!” joke in existence, replacing my joyful anticipation of summer with an ominous dread. As girls with non-glow-in-the-dark skin flounce down the street in their shorts and minis, my legs have been relegated to hot, dark jeans.

In years past, in order to reach the deep, savage “normal-people” color I have so longed for, I have resorted to the religious application of self-tanners, which, while making me darker, have also made me smellier. And we all know nothing is more appealing to a man than a girl who smells like chemicals and has weird, orange-streaked sheets. And to top it all off, after my daily self-tanning regimen, there would almost inevitably come the cruel mockery of the phrase, “You’re so light!”

Sigh.

And so, after too many self-conscious summers, with my shorts (and skin) hidden away, I have decided to forget my regimens, leave the jeans at home and embrace the light. That’s right, I’m pale, so suck it! White is in this season!

Sisters of the Pale Force, let us unite! Forget about smelly self-tanners and tedious bronzers; slap on some sun screen and go. Go out in your shorts, your skirts, your tank tops and bikinis! Stop risking your health, your money and your time trying to be something that you’re not. Fair skin is beautiful and we should embrace it, not hide it! After all, in 20 years all those perfectly bronzed girls will be getting Botox and we’ll be getting the younger men!

I don’t know who decided that tan is beautiful; clearly they had never seen Dita Von Teese’s porcelain skin. Or Nicole Kidman’s. Summer ’09 is the season of pale, so bring. it. on.

And to anyone who has a problem seeing past our legs: put on your sunglasses, that’s what they’re for.

[lead image of girl via Aleshyn_Andrei/Shutterstock]

15 Comments on "I’m Pale, Get Over It: A Fair-Skinned Manifesto [Friday Faves]"

  1. Allthingspink says:
    Fri, 10th Aug 201212:19 pm 

    Every skin color is beautiful-pale, medium, tan, olive, deep, whatever :) .

  2. Katherine says:
    Fri, 10th Aug 201212:42 pm 

    One girl actually told me: ''OMG you're so white, did you bathe in bleach?''… –'

  3. Smudge says:
    Fri, 10th Aug 201212:49 pm 

    Summer '09?

  4. wellwell says:
    Fri, 10th Aug 20121:01 pm 

    First Berlin is a country, now it's summer 09… what's going on, CC?

  5. Danielle says:
    Fri, 10th Aug 20121:22 pm 

    All hail to the pale!

  6. jessica says:
    Fri, 10th Aug 20121:24 pm 

    this article was originally written in '09 if you search it… why is CC reusing the articles?

  7. Maddie says:
    Fri, 10th Aug 20121:56 pm 

    I'm very pale, but I've never used self tanners/bronzers to hide it. I've been called albino, allergic to the sun, and a myriad of other names, but I like being pale, and I wear my bikini/short shorts with pride. Sorry I'm not sorry!

  8. Ignorant Awareness says:
    Fri, 10th Aug 20125:16 pm 

    Um it used to be that being tanned was seen as undesireable for women because that's what the manual labourers used to look like, from working outside in the sun all day.

    I think it was around the 1920s though, when Coco Chanel went on holiday, that the tables were turned- because being tanned now signified that you had been on some luxurious holiday in an exotically sunny place (like on Chanel's yacht holiday). Plenty of people started clambering for that 'just got back from holiday' look- in the west, that is.

    In my home country though (& many others in South Asia), people are equally horrible to their skin but in the opposite direction- they try to bleach their skin using 'Fair & Lovely' to get that white look- everyone wants what they can't have! But at the end of the day, people will always look best in whatever is their natural state- just like how natural blondes usually look better in lighter dyed hair, & vice versa for brunettes.

  9. Molly - UNL says:
    Fri, 10th Aug 20127:27 pm 

    Because it's a "Friday Fave" They bring back old favorite articles….

  10. PaleandProud says:
    Fri, 10th Aug 201210:37 pm 

    True That! Us pale girls can actually sparkle in the sun! Suck on that overly tan clones. :)

  11. vasyjohn says:
    Sat, 11th Aug 201211:36 am 

    very nice and originaly post! :)

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  13. Ella says:
    Fri, 17th Aug 20121:10 am 

    i love my pale skin! tanning is REALLY bad for your health. two summers ago, i decided i was sick of looking like a vampire and tried something new. i went to the beach once every week and laid out in the sun (with sunscreen of course) in the hopes of getting a tan. it almost worked but then LAST summer i realized i'd given myself a semi-cancerous mole on my ass and had to get it removed! it was so scary! i will stay a glistening white vampire forever if it means that never happens again!

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