Signs You’re Not Ready to Have Sex [Sexy Time]

    Posted in Dating, Guys, Love

A new school year is upon us, and along with the excitement of catching up with friends, making new ones, buying overpriced textbooks, decorating your room, and making promises to yourself that you’re not going to procrastinate this year, you’re probably going to end up interacting with people who are horny and/or desperate to make their twin beds a little less lonely. While sex is a pervasive part of contemporary college culture, it’s not necessarily an aspect that a lot of people are comfortable with (or even want to be comfortable with, either right now or ever). But it can be really hard to say “no” to hooking up, especially if you only have this vague sense that you’re not “ready” for it. How do you know when you’re not ready to get it on?

If you feel a huge knot in your stomach when you think about having sex.

Your body often manifests what your subconscious is feeling (and what we may or may not want to acknowledge in our heads). It’s totally normal to have a little anxiety before doing something new, but there’s a huge difference between butterflies of excitement and the acute sensation of a wild animal has burrowed into your stomach and is desperately trying to claw its way out. If thinking about sexy times invokes the latter more than the former, you’re probably not ready.

If you feel obligated to do it.

Having sex “just to get it over with” with someone you don’t like/don’t find attractive is a waste. This isn’t to say sex has to be mindblowing and/or lifechanging every time you have it (or even ever), but there’s no reason to approach sex like a chore. Society really attaches a lot of weight to “losing” your virginity, making it seem like a really important life experience you need to check off your bucket list in order to feel like an adult. Sex is pretty cool and all, but having it is most likely not going to alter your life any more than, say, combining 6 different flavors of ice cream in one bowl or getting your makeup routine down to under 5 minutes a day.

If you’re not comfortable talking about STD testing/using protection.

No, it’s not hot to talk about the clap with someone you have intentions of boning, but STDs are a very real consequence to having sex, and having safer sex is the responsible route to take to address this. If the idea of having this conversation and taking control of your sexual health is too intimidating, please save yourself from confronting scary consequences and abstain.

If you feel like you’re giving a piece of yourself away with no return.

Particularly when I was hooking up with guys that I wasn’t in a relationship with (ie, doing everything but p-in-v), I’d always feel a little empty afterwards. Even though I was enjoying it in the moment, I still didn’t feel like there was a mutual exchange of, well, anything (ie, respect, emotional availability, dignity…the usual), and I’m really glad I didn’t decide to have sex with any of those guys. Yes, I would’ve survived (and of course, you’ll survive if you end up making mistakes), but sex shouldn’t necessarily be a test of your resilience as a person. It’s okay to avoid situations that may cause you more angst than necessary.

My ultimate message to you is don’t rush. Sex will always be there for you. Having awful, regretful, ridiculously lackluster sex is not something you need to partake in. Wait until you’re comfortable, confident, and happy about the idea of doing it before you choose to go for it. Everyone has a different timetable for that, so don’t freak out about it. I know that sometimes it feels like everyone else in the world is having tons and tons of sex, but a) trust me, in any given room, you are not going to be the only virgin/inexperienced/celibate person and b) a lot of the people who are having regular sex are probably having their fair share of lame sex. So chill out and just enjoy your life – study, hang out with your friends, waste time on Tumblr, jam to your favorite songs, join an organization you like, do good things for yourself, and have a perfectly fulfilled life sans sex. It’s very much doable.

[lead image via Karlova Irina/Shutterstock.com]

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