An Open Letter to the Boy Who Snubbed Me

By Molly Mahannah

You,

To quote Workaholics, “If you don’t want to date me, that’s fine, I get that. But you’re wrong and I hate you.”

I understand that you don’t think that I would make a very good girlfriend, but once again you’re wrong. I would be an amazing girlfriend and my reasons are three fold.

One: That “bro-time” you need? I don’t want to hang out with you that much anyway. I’m easily annoyed, so if you’re like, “Sorry, babe, I want to hang out with just the guys tonight.” I’ll say, “Awesome. I want to sit at home, watch Big Brother and eat everything in the fridge without feeling guilty about it.” It’s a win-win for both of us. Especially because when you come home drunk, I’ll probably be “good-to-go” if you know what I mean.

Two: Speaking of sex? I really like it. You already know this. You told me I have the libido of a boy. So, yeah. That’s all I really need to say on that subject. By the way, Kim Kardashian lost 7 lbs in a week just from getting down and dirty every day. Just saying.

Three: I really like Star Wars, Workaholics, beer – but only the good kind. I like gadgets; I can get you a good deal on the iPhone5. I won’t mind letting you play video games, and when you pause to do something, I will show you a really funny article on the Internet. You’ll tell all your guy friends, “Wow. She is so cool. She’s just like one of the guys, but not ‘cause she’s pretty.”

So yeah. It’s fine that you don’t want to date me. Because, I’m awesome. And you’re stupid.

Love,

Me

[lead image via CREATISTA/shutterstock.com]