The Complete Lindsay Lohan Ultimate Hot Mess Timeline
Lindsay Lohan was arrested again last night. She allegedly clipped a man in the knee with her car and he claims she was slurring her words and had been boozing. She was arrested for peacing out after a passenger made sure her car was okay. This could seriously wreck her parole from her jewelry theft charge, because you’re really not supposed to be committing crimes while you’re on parole, but LiLo said YOLO. You know, typical LiLo. However, this time Lindsay is saying she didn’t do it. She said she’s being set up. And the injured man? He has no visible injuries. But that got us thinking, exactly how many times has Ms. Lohan been in trouble with the law? A lot. So we compiled a complete rap sheet of all her charges, arrests, and court appearances. It’s basically like a timeline of everyone’s favorite hot mess.
January 2007 – Lindsay checked herself into the Wonderland Center for rehab. She stalls production of her movie I Know Who Killed Me. I like to call this moment the tipping point.
February 2007 – After 30 days, Lindsay checks herself out of rehab and begins filming A Woman of No Importance.
May 26, 2007 – LiLo gets a little wild and crashes her car. She’s arrested for her first DUI. Later in may she reenters rehab for 45 days, and after her release she gets a bracelet to monitor whether or not she’s been boozing.
July 2007 – Lindsay gets pulled over, refuses a field sobriety test, gets hit with a cocaine possession charge and another DUI, and driving with a suspended license. I like to call this the “downward spiral”.
August 2007 – She enters rehab for a third time. The third time’s a charm? Right? She also pleads guilty to the cocaine possession and DUI charges. The sentencing: A day in prison and 10 days of community service, and three years probation. This is the moment we all knew this girl would continue to make headlines.
2008 and 2009 were not bad years for our young starlet. She started dating DJ Sam and pretty much stayed out of trouble until…
October 2009 – Lindsay’s probation is extended for a year because of numerous times when she hadn’t shown up for her substance abuse classes. Did this not seem like a red flag to ANYONE else?
May 2010 – Lindsay heads to the Cannes Film Festival to party it up with her besties and totes forgot she had to appear in court. Oops! A bench warrant is issued for her arrest. This is where shit gets real. She’s ordered to wear an alcohol monitoring bracelet and attend alcohol abuse classes if she wants to remain on bail.
July 2010 – The judge finds out that Lindsay had been skipping class. I mean, like any average college-aged girl. So he sentences her to 90 days in jail. She spent exactly two weeks in jail before she was moved to rehab for overcrowding. I think she was just scared.
September 2010 – She fails a drug test. Probation is revoked. She is now bat shit cray. She enters the Betty Ford Center where’s she’s ordered to stay for three months.
February 2011 – Lindsay steals a necklace, ’cause like – she couldn’t pay for it. She is arrested but pleads innocent and is released on a $40,000 bond. The judge is like, “Look Lindsay – I’m not mad I’m just disappointed. But seriously, if you screw up again you’re going to jail for realz.”
April 2011 – She pleads no contest to stealing a DIFFERENT necklace. She’s sentenced to 120 days in jail. The judges claim to be finally prosecuting because she’s a mess. And they have reason to believe she’s been stealing since 2009, except they just haven’t caught her.
May 2011 – She begins serving her sentence in the slammer, but it gets changed to house arrest due to overcrowding. Someone needs to get this girl some tough love. Because this is just insanity.
October 2011 – Lindsay is in her second home, court, for not completing service at the LA Women’s Shelter. At this point, I want to shake her. Like…just show up to this stuff you idiot. She was kicked out for not showing up nine times?! She had nine chances to get her life together. Nine. She claims her community service at the women’s shelter was, “unfulfilling” which is why she decided she didn’t want to show up. She was sent to community service at the morgue before a court date in November and 16 hours of community service.
November 2011 – She was sentenced to 400 hours of community service and 30 days of jail. On top of that she finally got sentenced to some court mandated therapy. She’s on informal probation for the necklace theft until May of 20-freaking-14.
September 2012 – Arrested for leaving the scene of an accident after clipping a guy with her car.
That means – Grand Total number of arrests: 7
Grand Total court appearances: 11
I kind of feel bad for her. She’s clearly missed the essential part of childhood where you learn about “just saying no,” but I’m still rooting for her to get her life back together. Good luck, and God speed Ms. Lohan.