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The Top 10 Things I’m Learning from Dating an Asshole [Diary of the Undateable]

I think that I finally ended it. I said goodbye to Carlos for the umpteenth time a few weeks ago. Over a sporadic text message convo, he told me that he doesn’t talk to me as much as he used to because he’s scared that I’ll fall in love with him. Keep in mind that this was about a week after I laid everything on the table and confessed how I felt about him – crazy in like. Granted my confession was fueled by a Skinnygirl Margarita mini bottle, but still. He knew that everything I said came from the heart, and he stomped on it with the sole of his Nike.

I felt fast and fell blindly. But you know what? I’m not too sad about it, because there’s a lesson in everything.

Oh, I miss him. A lot. Whenever I did hear from him, we really clicked – hours would go by and we wouldn’t even notice it. I really do believe that we had spark, but the light flickered out.

But as my friends told me, dudes like him – namely, assholes – come a dime a dozen. I’m only 21, so I’m sure I’ll date a few of them in the future. But here’s what I’ve learned from this one:

1) He knows that he’s an asshole.

He’s fully aware of the fact that he’s treating you like dirt. He knows that you know that he knows. And he’ll continue to do it if you let him.

2) The hookups are hot.

…and probably the reason that you keep on coming back.

3) Excitement is expected

Assholes always keep you on your toes with their games. Will he call me? How long will we talk? How does he really feel? When will he change?

4) …but inconsistency is eminent

With that excitement comes an equal amount of downtime. You don’t always hear from your asshole. He’s a rolling stone. And since he knows he has you at his fingertips, the effort that he makes won’t always be the same, either.

5) He’s emotionally void

Remember that episode of SATC when Big had open heart surgery? Carrie nursed him back to health and he finally saw what a great girl she was. And then when he woke up, he was back to his old selfish ways. Yeah, that’s basically your asshole. He can act and say whatever he wants, but can detach his feelings from his statements at the same damn time.

6) Other guys call him an asshole too

I guess it takes one to know one. If your guy friends or non-bitter ex boyfriends recognize game and call your current asshole out on it, you better listen. Guys know more about other guys than we do…so if something’s wrong and your male friends can spot it, get ta steppin’!

7) Exclusivity? Forget about it.

Your asshole is not your boyfriend. Your asshole is not your boo. And lowkey, your asshole isn’t even your friend. Don’t you. Ever. Get too. Comfortable

8) Because there are others.

If he’s treating you like shit, he’s probably sharing the love too.

9) And there are more where he came from

Don’t fret if you’re missing your EA. There will be other men that treat you poorly. And you might learn how to treat people poorly because of him. Remember how he hurt you before you hurt someone else, though.

10) …but they always come back.

I got a call from Carlos while I was writing this…after solemnly swearing that I’d never talk to him again unless he hits me up first. I guess assholes have the innate ability to realize when they’re dealing with a do right woman. At the end of the day, it’s up to us whether we want to play the game, too.

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

[lead image via Sergey Peterman/shutterstock.com]

    Comments

    Comments

    1. #9, what's an 'EA' sorry?

    2. candiciomagnifico says:

      Coming from a girl currently in one of these relationships I can say this is so true! I feel like I'm always available while he never is. The care was only going in one direction until he left for 6 weeks for army training. Then it's, "write me letters, I love you!" When he needs or wants me everything is good. But when I need/want him… you get it.

    3. lolaisforlovers says:

      Yeah, just got out of a relationship like this in August. I think I'm more mad at myself for allowing myself to be treated badly than I am that he was able to treat me like that and then end it. But at the end of the day I'm 22, young, relatively attractive and I'm already on to the next potential suitor with a clear standard that needs to be upheld. Everything's a learning experience, that's how you need to look at it!

    4. […] • Sometimes dating an asshole can be a learning experience. Yay for silver linings! (CollegeCandy) […]

    5. […] • Sometimes dating an asshole can be a learning experience. Yay for silver linings! (CollegeCandy) […]

    6. […] mess with me, I ain’t shit” with every verbal and nonverbal action. We continue to mess with assholes that we should’ve left alone in…hmm, say…July. But instead of following our instincts, we […]

    7. […] Carlos. Carlos and I are really over now. He’s only called me once since I’ve been back in the States […]

    8. […] Carlos and I were still a thing, I popped The Question to him. “Just tell me. What am I to you? What are […]

    9. […] and recouping from too much turkey, I was mentally going through every single little thing that Carlos had said to me over the past six months. Six months is a really long time to know someone in a […]

    10. […] Carlos pulled me by a string for nearly six months because the power was in his hands. I overheard myself explaining my situation to someone the other day and wanted to slap myself. […]

    11. hopelesslypathetic says:

      So glad you posted this. I am dealing with this right now. @caniciomagnifico I know exactly where you are coming from. I know I am a complete idiot for continuing to let him treat me like this, but it is so hard to let go. I really enjoy talking to him and being around him and he says the same yet he hardly puts any effort into contacting me unless he knows he is going to get something out of it. I just wish I had the courage to finally let go and move on, but he was my first and I can't seem to move on. He is constantly on my mind and I know he probably doesn't spend a second of his time wondering about me. I feel so pathetic…

    12. […] is a battlefield. Excuse the double cheesy cliché, but it’s the truth! I shed a few tears over assholes that didn’t deserve them. When you’re playing with fire, you WILL be burned. And of course, […]

    13. […] friend-turned-fling, is bad for me. Everyone knows it. I know it, too. Even though he’s an as*hole, I always come back – he’s just so cool, charming and handsome. He’s my season two Mr. Big. I […]

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    15. […] an asshole anonymous calls isn’t healthy or productive for either parties. Neither is melting off the face […]

    16. […] It was fine for me to question myself. It was not fine, however, for others to question me. When Carlos was in the picture, I was telling him about my internship at Cosmo and all the amazing things that […]

    17. Yeah, just got out of a relationship like this in August. I think I'm more mad at myself for allowing myself to be treated badly than I am that he was able to treat me like that and then end it.

    18. photography says:

      So glad you posted this. I am dealing with this right now. @caniciomagnifico I know exactly where you are coming from. I know I am a complete idiot for continuing to let him treat me like this, but it is so hard to let go. I really enjoy talking to him and being around him and he says the same yet he hardly puts any effort into contacting me unless he knows he is going to get something out of it

    19. Pedro Cuccia says:

      Really, just got out of a connection like this in Aug. I think I'm more mad at myself for enabling myself to be handled poorly than I am that he was able to cure me like that and then end it.
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    20. judin says:

      Really, just got out of a connection like this in Aug. I think I'm more mad at myself for enabling myself to be handled poorly than I am that he was able to cure me like that and then end it.
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    21. allen says:

      getting that special someone in your life is an art The dream that two people create is more difficult to master than one. if you see a guy or girl that you like dont let the that opportunity pass you by

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