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Escaping the Friend Zone [Diary of the Undateable]

I have the hugest crush on this guy that I work with. He’s so cute, so smart, so funny…so sexy. Whenever I know that he’ll be in the office, I switch my shift so that I can be around him. It’s not like I’m stalking him…but.

Mark is probably oblivious to my feelings, especially since I don’t put them out there like that. One Monday, we were talking about something random when he complimented me on how “cool” I am.

“You’re so funny!” he told me. “I’m really starting to look at you like a little sister.”

Yikes. I’m not trying to be his sister. Because if that were the case, my feelings for him are definitely incestuous. Mark threw me into the friendzone!

Guys always talk about the dreaded friendzone when their intentions are romantic and the girl doesn’t necessarily reciprocate them. Maybe she doesn’t realize that he wants “more than just…” or maybe she just doesn’t want that. But either way it goes, it sucks. Something that guys have told me directly is that they’re just as insecure about feelings as we are (i.e. any Drake song). They’re afraid of rejection, humiliation and being vulnerable. One FZ is liable to ruin your whole dating life!

I don’t want to lose Mark’s friendship, because he’s genuinely a good guy. Even if things don’t work out the way I want them to, I still want to talk to him. However, the consequences are age-old and evergreen…you tell a friend you like them, you go for it, it doesn’t work out and all of your other friends (or coworkers in my hypothetical case) suffer.

But on the other hand, things could work out swimmingly. Mark and I could end up falling for each other, and it wouldn’t be weird or awkward because we were friends first. That’s how the best relationships start.

CollegeCandy ladies and gents, help me out here. How do I finagle my way out of the friendzone?

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

[lead image via Edyta Pawlowska/shutterstock.com]

    Comments

    Comments

    1. Jens says:

      Make a mental note of what you're doing together as friends, or coworkers in this case. Especially what you are doing..
      And then just tell him! Tell him that you think he's cute, funny, sexy and so on, and that you'd like to go out with him!

      The trick is, what happens if he says no.. You just have to accept it with a straight face, and then act like you normally do.. He might be a little awkward around you at first, but if you just act like nothing have happened, everything will go back to normal, and you'll still be friends..

      Sure rejection is scary, but if you don't make a move, tomorrow someone else will..

    2. friend girl says:

      I know EXACTLY what you mean

    3. Molly says:

      If he actually went out of his way to say you're like his "little sister"…..he's trying to tell you something.

    4. Zyanya says:

      Well, at least this didn't read the way some mens stories about the friend zone read.

      If you don't ask him he won't know. If you do ask him and he rejects you move on.

      I took to long to ask one of my guy friends out. Two years of friendship I finally confessed and he told me he really liked me when we first met, but since he didn't think I felt the same way he moved on.

      If you wait to long to ask it will be too late in all likelihood. Good luck.

    5. Tyler says:

      I'm a guy who stumbled on this site. I, like you, am smart, funny, athletic, and popular. I am also a flirt. I don't mean to be, but I have that flirty personality. I never miss an opportunity to flirt actually. However, I'm not a man whore. I don't do hook ups. I'm not super religious, but I think sex is something special. It consummates a marriage for God's sake. So if I do stuff with a girl, I want it to be special. I'm a junior in high school, and I can never find a girl to date me and I don't get it. I don't get it. I have a cool car and lots of friends who are pretty girls. I haven't had a girl friend since freshman year. I also don't just jump from girl to girl after being friend zoned either.
      Sorry, I’m rambling and a little upset. I'm about to lose another girl I like. My bad, this question wasn't about me.

      To answer your question, be yourself. Start texting him and start FLIRTING. I find it soooooooooo sexy when a girl is hard core flirting (touching me and such), but don't make it look like you're just going to be a one night stand. Be yourself and just go for it. Make sure to start texting him and find out if there is another girl!!!!!!!!!! If you are cute, funny, smart, and all that other supposedly attractive shit, you'll be fine.
      One more thing, make sure he isn't gay….:)

    6. Hope this helps says:

      My opinion is be yourself! Show him what an amazing person you are, show him how fun you are to be around! Enjoy your time together but don't be around the entire time otherwise he'll never understand what it's like when you're not around, give him a chance to miss you! I think one of the biggest reasons for getting into friendzones in the first place is if someone is just always there as a friend, so the other person will just assume you'll always be around "like a sister." Make it clear to him that you have your own life and make him want to be a part of it! Make it clear that you like him! Invite him to join you in things YOU love doing! show him what you're like in your own setting. If he pulls away then tone it down, but if not just keep doing that till you're out of the friend zone! If he thinks of you as a sister at the moment don't tell him yet! Wait till he doesn't think of you as a sister and then tell him! Or better yet, maybe he'll tell you! The sooner you know the sooner you can either move forward or move on. Down the line you'll want to know you at least tried. It would suck to later find him with someone else or find out that he liked you but thought that you didn't.

    7. If he actually went out of his way to say you're like his "little sister"…..he's trying to tell you something.

    8. My opinion is be yourself! Show him what an amazing person you are, show him how fun you are to be around! Enjoy your time together but don't be around the entire time otherwise he'll never understand what it's like when you're not around, give him a chance to miss you! I think one of the biggest reasons for getting into friendzones in the first place is if someone is just always there as a friend, so the other person will just assume you'll always be around "like a sister." Make it clear to him that you have your own life and make him want to be a part of it! Make it clear that you like him! Invite him to join you in things YOU love doing! show him what you're like in your own setting. If he pulls away then tone it down, but if not just keep doing that till you're out of the friend zone! If he thinks of you as a sister at the moment don't tell him yet! Wait till he doesn't think of you as a sister and then tell him! Or better yet, maybe he'll tell you! The sooner you know the sooner you can either move forward or move on. Down the line you'll want to know you at least tried. It would suck to later find him with someone else or find out that he liked you but thought that you didn't.

    9. m drol says:

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