Do Good Girls Win Anymore? [Diary of the Undateable]
I spent a few days in Germany as part of a program for young journalists. In between visits to various television stations, newspapers and political institutions, I noticed that love was in the air…young couples at Oktoberfest snogging their drunken lives away, PDA on the trains and buses, older married couples holding hands and leisurely strolling throughout the streets. It made me kind of sad.
I missed Carlos. We talked almost every night before I left. We were finally, finally getting closer emotionally…what I’ve wanted for the past few months. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let my thoughts of him ruin my experience. And they didn’t. But whenever there was a lull in the day, my mind would slip back stateside. I’d wonder what he was doing and if he missed me too.
I was thinking about him on a long, scenic train ride from Munich to Berlin. Luckily, my seatmate Brad kept me occupied. We were talking about our favorite songs and the artists that we’re into. Brad really likes Rihanna. He was going on about her music and her undeniable sex appeal.
“Rihanna is crazy!” I joked. “Y’all love crazy though, right?”
He agreed with me. Brad explained that bad girls are the ones that have a certain magnetic pull that keeps guys coming back. They’re impulsive. They’re funny. They’re wild and sexy and intriguing.
Sigh. It seems like sweet girls rarely win. The bad girls with all of their trickery and flirting and mind games get all of the play.
My friend Tasia thinks that guys are afraid of “good” girls because they’re afraid to be themselves. This spring, she met an awesome guy while studying abroad. And when I say awesome, I’m not exaggerating – he was smart, well-dressed, in a prestigious fraternity and extremely polite. They would have been perfect together! The night before they left London, he confessed his feelings for T. When she asked why he didn’t do it sooner, he said that he’s just not good enough for her.
“You’re such a great girl,” he said. “I know myself and I know the women that I’ve been with before. And you’re not like them.”
I’m sure that his reasons were legit in his mind, but it still sucks. It’s so backwards to me. Brad explained the appeal of bad girls, and I guess that I get it. But if you have a genuinely kind, modest and mild-mannered young lady standing right in front of you, then why would you not jump at the chance to be with her?
We revisited her story before I left. “Guys are so scared to be comfortable,” she told me over coffee at our campus Starbucks. “It’s like whenever they relax, they have to jump up and keep on moving again. Nice girls add to their dimensions and compliment their personalities. But the guys that we deal with aren’t ready for that yet.”
I think that most of us have glimmers of bad girliness inside of us. And that’s fine! I don’t let it out in my art or on Twitter or in the way that I dress. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not as exciting or mysterious or as alluring as the next bad girl, either. I guess.
When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.
[Lead image via Shutterstock]