What I Learned From This Month’s GQ: October Edition
This month, GQ decided to continue on that multiple cover models kick they started last month. I love having the option of choosing which man I would like to accompany me out of the store. It’s like going to the bar and having options, which is a very rare occurrence. This month’s covers featured Denzel Washington doing a sort of wave (handshake?), Chris Paul dribbling a basketball in full fall attire and Javier Bardem looking like a dapper man on his night out.
These covers are all really different and whichever one you pick clearly says something about your personality. The Denzel Washington cover says that you’re classic. He’s the most well-known star featured and no matter what role he plays, Denzel is Denzel. The Chris Paul cover says that you’re adventurous. He’s in motion and coming right at you. You’d be ready to play against him no matter what you had on. And if you choose the Javier Bardem cover, then you imagine yourself to be sexy and mysterious. To you, an intense stare communicates more than words ever could. If you were wondering, I chose the Denzel cover mainly because the store I was at didn’t have the Javier Bardem cover. I mean we’d all like to be secretly sexy.
Inside the issue, I discovered the un-sexy term, “guyological clock.” If a dude is referring to his guyological clock, then he’s referring to the time in man’s life where his body doesn’t recover as easily from playing sports or healing after a sports related injury. Boo-hoo. I would take a trick knee over menopause any day. I like that GQ gives males the space to complain about comparatively smaller issues, so I don’t have to hear it. Speaking of complaints, GQ featured one of my biggest pet hates on Facebook: people doing their “Internet face.” You’ll always know an Internet face when you see it but it usually involves duck lips, kissy faces, or unemotional stares aimed at the camera. Usually, the faces are found in hand-held MySpace style self portraits. Like the author of the story, I would like to say STOP. Would you make that face in real life? I doubt it. Only narcissists and people pretending to be cooler than they are make these faces. Just smile. It goes a long way.
Another story I loved was entitled, “Angry Nerds and How They’re Terrorizing Our Women.” This story basically said that guys who were nerdy in high school aren’t necessarily the best guys to date in college, since they tend to be bitter about their past experiences. Instead of embracing the opportunity to date a girl and treat her right, nerds will become players or insensitive as a way to seek vengeance on women. So ladies, as a warning be weary of guys who look shy and wear glasses. They’re probably just a jerk in disguise. (Sidebar-that article was super depressing. Where is the hope?!?!)
The issue had some other great stories including the story on Patriot Camp. Apparently, there’s camps all over the US that will teach kids “real” US History and Tea Party values. Indoctrination so young is always good thing. But like all issues of GQ, they tend to close the issue with some humor. This time they took a crack at Mitt Romney when they published his “secret notes.” Here’s a few for chuckles:
“From now on, instead of singing “America the Beautiful” at rallies, I’m doing “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails. all I’ll say is that Ryan made me a tape.”
“I just will straight-up buy you a car if you vote for me. Everyone gets a car. F****ing go nuts, you guys.” I imagine Mitt Romney would do this just like Oprah when she gave stuff to her studio audiences.
This one was my personal fave:
“I’ve been accused of being too handsome, so I’m undertaking cosmetic surgery, and if elected, by the end of the first term, I will look like Michael Chiklis. And also Joe Pesci.” Google these two men and mash them together in your mind. It’s a crazy visual that I choose to leave you with.
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