Presidential Jokes, Zumba Brothel, and Honey Boo Boo [Current Events Cheat Sheet]

By Garnet Henderson

Apparently football season is in full swing, because all the guys in my dorm are spending more and more time yelling at the TV. Here are the week’s top stories.

At Home

President Barack Obama and presidential candidate Mitt Romney both appeared at the Al Smith Dinner in New York. The yearly dinner features competing comedy routines from presidential hopefuls.

Three people were killed and four others were injured in a shooting at a spa in Brookfield, Wisconsin. It appears that the gunman shot himself inside the spa. The shooting was supposedly motivated by a domestic dispute with the suspect’s estranged wife, who worked at the salon.

A 29-year-old woman in Maine is accused of turning her small-town Zumba studio into a brothel. The judge in her case has agreed to make the list of her alleged clients public, causing additional controversy.

World

The New York Times reported that Iran had agreed to enter into talks about its nuclear program with the United States. However, both Iranian and U.S. officials deny that such an agreement was reached.

The Israeli navy boarded a ship and stopped it from breaking through the sea blockade near Gaza. The ship was full of protesters who were seeking to call attention to human rights violations in the Palestinian territory, which has been under Israeli blockade since 2007.

Pope Benedict XVI canonized the first ever Native American saint.

Sporty

The anguished cries of the Jets fan down the hall told me that the New York Jets lost to the New England Patriots. Here’s what else happened in football this week.

Ashley Wagner, who has just missed making the Olympics and several World Cup teams, won the prestigious Skate America competition.

Hot on the Web

You get a two-for-one this week, because these two videos go together like ketchup and… butter? Last week, the people at Screen Junkies convinced Christopher Walken, Colin Farrell, and Sam Rockwell of the upcoming movie Seven Psychopaths to read lines from Honey Boo Boo. Then, Honey Boo Boo and Mama returned the favor and read some of Christopher Walken’s lines. See both videos below.

Garnet is a student at Columbia University in New York City. She is “that person” who starts dancing at a party when everyone else is standing around, and if there were a Facebook stalking Olympics, she would be a gold medalist. She also loves cheesy 90s music, and almost died of happiness when Vanilla Ice retweeted her. Once. Follow her on Twitter @garnethenderson.