We Hook Up But Why Won’t He Ask Me Out? [Ask A Dude]

By The Dude

Hey Dude!

I’ve been seeing this guy for a little while now and we’re definitely into each other. He calls me regularly to hang out, which I love, but that’s also my problem: it’s always just for a hangout. In the few months we’ve known each other, it’s always me going over to his apartment to watch a movie or talk. It’s not really a booty call situation, since we don’t always hook up, but clearly we’re not in a dating situation either.

I’d really like this to develop into something more serious, but am not sure how to bring it up. Is it acceptable to simply ask someone to take you out on a date? That sounds kind of rude, no? I assume if he wanted to take me out, he would, but I want to check in with a dude’s opinion before I write this guy off for good.

-Totally Cute Enough to Bring Out In Public

Dear Totally Cute Enough to Bring Out In Public,

OBJECTION! STRENUOUS OBJECTION on the grounds of ASSUMPTIONS!

Do not write this guy off for good, yet. Right now it sounds to me like you’re coming at this situation with some blinders on. I’m very glad you’ve asked for a dude’s opinion because what I want to put forth to you is that idea that you could use a dose of perspective. And I’m going to try to branch you out by asking two questions:

Have you considered that to him you already ARE dating? I mean, look, every guy has a different idea as to what dating means. For some it’s a carriage ride at midnight and for others it’s hanging out in one of your apartments watching movies and cooking. It’s a question of personal definitions based on life experiences and influences.

Why don’t you ask him out? If you’re into him and want to go out together, then ask. Just tell him you want to go somewhere, plan an evening, take some initiative, and don’t wait on him. The amount of time you’re spending together is a pretty good indication that he’s into you. You can do it as formally or casually as you want, find a movie you want to go out to see, you’ve heard about a cool new restaurant you want to try, ANYTHING. You have just as much opportunity and responsibility in this as he does. Own it.

Both questions can be answered by one simple action. TALKING. You don’t have to get confrontational but be upfront with him. Don’t write him off without first being sure that there’s a good reason to. You know what that’s called? Running away.

Checking in before checking out,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]